I don't Know What to Write Actually

Today is the seventh day after my mum's demise. And it feels likee yesterday that she bought me prawn crackers from the little change at Botak's sundry's.

First of all I would like to thank all of you. Yes! Who stayed with me reading my vents from the beginning, when I had trouble coming home I am Here, She is there You people gave me so much strength in ways that you cannot imagine.

Blogging is like telling it to someone. And it is such a relief. It is even better when people respond to you. They gave encouragement. Seriously, even when they say, you do not know what to say but still say something in the end, it keeps me "there".

Some share their experience which is enlightening. Hugs to Kaezrin.

It didn't even stop there. Many gave me tips to go through this ordeal. Sms, phone calls from bloggers. Some are hilarious. Comic relief much needed.

It was hard for me and my dad to go through this for a month. It was hard for me to remain strong for the sake of everyone.

But you guys helped me somewhat. And Thank you for that.

As for me? How am I doing now? I am ok. Now people can talk to me about my mum without me being teary eyed. The first few days were bad for me. My dad collected her jewelleries and handed it to me. It's yours now, since I am the only girl. I cried looking at it. Especially the ones whe wears everyday.

I was clearing up the kitchen, throwing some of those which cannot be used. I remembered some of the plates that she cherished. I remembered this particular set of dish she had. I was seven when she bought that one. It's clear dish with thre rows of little hearts embossed at the borders. I remembered her face. I think that was her first dish set in her whole life. She was looking at it, admiring it. Laying them on the floor.

I was looking at them too, imagining my slippery fingers on the cup. When suddenly PRAAANNNGGG, a ball from nowhere hit the dishes and a saucer broke, or was it two.

I remembered her face. The dissapointed face. The set is not enough. Missing one saucer. How uncool.

It was my brother. But I don't remember whether he got it or not. I was too busy thanking God that it was not me probably. But it is very likely that he didn't get it. My dad has this thing, not to be angry when a child break a galss. Just sweep it off quickly. Adalah petua dia. Tak kosalah makcik nak cita kat sini

So all in all. I am okay. When I think of her, I recite AlFathehah as much as I can. For her, for me, for my lover, my dad and my kids.

Sometimes I can fell her face pressing on mine as we hug in the ICU. Sometimes I can fell her fingers gripping mine.

I miss her.