Sometimes. A Bad Mother

Haziq is sad today.
His eyes were all puffy
He was constantly sniffling
Crooked nose and everything

I was angry at him yesterday
Very angry
He was watching Spongebob
up to nine
Not even aware
of the time

Haziq, I called,
It is school night
You have homework
Your time is tight
Yes your time is tight

He chose to ignore
I threathened him
Come up or I am down

He dragged himself
He was not happy
Spongebob is planning a party
And he had to be with me!!

He wrote
If you can call that a writing
You can hardly see
Crapy work
and now I AM ANGRY

He father adds to it
that Haziq has been lazy
Do you know Lolly
His curfew at seven
was breached again

When one sings
And another follow
Like opera singer
The note gets higher
They sang in tune
And the notes clicked
A frequency was picked

Glass shattered
When resonance was reached
Songs were sang
The melody was not ticked

Voice were raised
And eyes were glazed
Ibu was mad
And son was and is
Still sad.

Ibu loves you Haziq. And Ibu and Ayah feels bad about last night. Just play and work right, that's all.

I know, I know. I am bad. Shoot me people

Kuantan, TONIGHT!!!

I am going to Kuantan people.
I am taking my whole family people.
If I were to have a cat, I'll bring it along too people.
I am teaching all my kids madness people.
It's not school holiday people.
Okay, okay say anything you want people.
I'm not the best mummy in the world people.
But I think, they think I am.
Will be back on Friday night, people.
Please do miss me people.
For I will miss you.

Damn last minute meeting? Last minute site visit plans.
Oh dear! Ohe dear! It's raining cats and dogs out there.

They cancelled the meeting again. Crazy people. I am still going to Kuantan tommorrow. Only a day trip though. So no school skipping for the kids. he he

Anger Management

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This incident happened quite some time ago. Way before my blogging days

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It was 4:30 in the afternoon when I got a called from Jeffry. Jeffry, apparently is a telemarketing guy. You know the kind of person who calls you to invite you into some hotel promotion scheme. The one that you have to pay, merely (he said) a few hundred ringgits for a fabulous (he said) offering the hotel can give. He mentioned dinner, hi-tea, breakfast, holiday at any of their branches. Yadda, yadda, yadda...

You know how these people are trained to speak non-stop in just one breat, I found it hard to interject. I let him speak first because I didn't want to be rude. Until finally when he gasped for his breath, I said,

Well Jeffry, you know

Yes Miss lollies, surely you find our offer interesting. This is a new hotel, and we are offering to only our first 1000 selected customers.

The thing is I don't want the offer. I hardly eat out. I don't go for holidays. In fact I really don't care about this scheme.

What!!! I have been talking for so long and you never say a thing and now you tell me you don't care???!!!

Well Jeffry I didn't even get the chance to say it. You were talking too fast. I wanted to..

SLAM! He put down the phone. He actually put down the phone on me!! How dare him! I mean whaddafark!

I was pissed off the whole day. I really was. If you really must know, I am the kind of person who get terribly wind up with these kind of things. I would get angry the whole day. Some people say, I have rage. And rage, I was.

Then later that night, I thought what a waste of my emotion and time being angry with him. (Actually this is telltale sign that you are getting older). I promised myself that I would handle it better if I got another call like that.

The next day at approximately 9:30

Hello Miss Lollies. Good morning.

Morning

Hi I’m Jeffry from the new Horrible Toad Hotel. I am calling you to

Wait a minute, you called me yesterday, you know?

I did? No I didn’t. So I was telling you that..

Yes you did. And you slammed the phone on me too.

No! You must be mistaken. It must be somebody else. If you sign up yadda yadda yadda

Hmm..tell you what Jeffry. I know it was you who called me yesterday, but since you said no, it’s prima facie then. I’ll take your word. But first I must ask you a question ok?

Question?

Yes Jeffry. Let’s play a personality game.

No Miss Lollies..you see there is so much to tell.

Oh! Come on Jeffry. Just make me happy for now. It’s good for you this early morning.

Miss Lollies..have you been to our new hotel..

Jefry, what cake do you like?

Huh? Cake?

Yes. What do you like?

No I don’t like cake.

Surely you like at least one cake. Let me help you Chocolate cake perhaps? Cheesecake? Or brownies? Lemon Meringue (how do you pronounce this?)?

Err no Miss Lollies can we get back..

Come on Jeffry. I bet you like chocolate cake. No?

Errr yes

You know what they say if you like cocolate cake. Let me read first ok. You are sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. See I thought you do have a sexy voice. Maybe that’s why you work here..

Lollies, can we talk about cakes later. What about this new scheme wich I think will suit you.

Then let me tell you what I like first. I like

You like sports, but you prefer to watch rather than participate. You don't like to give up the remote control. You're straight to the point and no-nonsense and attract like-minded people. You tend to be self-centred and high maintenance. The Cakes Quiz

So Jeffry. Sometime being myself is difficult because if I go to straight a point, I can be downright rude. I don’t like that you know Jeffry. Do you know what I mean?

I do. Lollies..you are too good for me.

I know Jeffry. I know.

Hmm what can I say..

You can say goodbye and thank you. I am sincere about your voice, you know.

Hmm thanks. Perhaps next time, Lollies.

Good day Jeffry.

And that day, I didn't feel angry at all. I went to sleep, smiling

The Power of Forgiving

Sometimes good things happen when you least expected it.

I was surprised by an answer this week. An answer to a question I never ask. A question that had been lingering for many years left to rot. It has been rotting deep down within me. Like a dot of ink dropped on a sponge, it crept slowly. The malignant question.

I chose to ignore all these while. Time will heal. I didn't like talking about it. I am not proud of what happen, but I didn't like to be labelled either.So leaving things the way it is is the best bet.

I can live in pretense. So what?

Somehow I was told that this is not so. I was told that I was not at peace.

And all these came from a stranger. At least a person that I do not know well. Well, a quarter stranger if you may.

This person told me, You must forgive.

I must forgive? Me? I am the one who should forgive?

But...but ...shouldn't it be I am the one who seek for it? Everyone in their right mind would tell me...go seek for forgiveness. You have wronged, Lollies.

These many years, I have been wondering, composing on how to seek for mercy. I just can't make myself. And this person tells me, that it's me who should forgive!!! Someow, it doesn't make sense.

I contemplated. For the first time, I listen more than I speak. As cliche as the advice can be, it finally sank in me.

I must learn to forgive.

And I have forgiven.

To the person I forgave, I love you.

To the person who told me to forgive...I thank you.

Both with all my heart.

I finally found peace. Totally.

Part II - JODOH

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This is the second part of the short stories. This particular story is the first chapter of the Malay Classic Book - Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa. To me it is a great love story. Of course I had to translate and condense. I think some of the essence of the magical King Merong Mahawangsa is lost. Forgive me but that is not the point of this post.

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It was narrated long, long time ago, that the king and queen of Rome wanted to marry off their handsome prince to the Princess of China. And off many fleets of ships set their sail heading to China with priceless gifts and glittering jewelry. It is in the hope that Rome will have a stronger political relationship with China. After all, they are thankful to the Chinese for their spaghetti. The head of the fleet is the powerful and magical King Merong Mahawangsa.

News spread around that the Prince of Rome is to wed the Princess of China. Somehow the gigantic legendary bird Garuda was not happy with the prospect unison and is set to stop the marriage.

Off he went to see The Prophet, King Solomon. Your Majesty, I am not happy with the idea of this marriage. I pledge to you, Your Majesty that I shall stop the wedding at any cost.

King Solomon reminded him that if it were God’s will that they are to wed, they would wed. Regardless the circumstances.

I am able to change that, said Garuda, for indeed he is a proud bird. For that, Your Majesty, replied Garuda, if I do not succeed I will go away, far from the human’s eye. I shall be punished.

With the permission of King Solomon, Garuda went to China. The little Princess was happily playing with the maids within the confine of a beautiful garden. With a speed of lightning, Garuda flew and grabbed hold of the princess in his right claw and the maids in his other. He flew them to a remote island where there is a cave for shelter.

Garuda brought food daily to the Princess and her maids. Starving them to death is not in his agenda.

Garuda,then, went to find the fleet of ships from Rome heading to China, determine to destroy the fleet. Upon finding them, he attacked them. With an enormous speed, Garuda crushed the ships. The smaller ships were destroyed easily like breadcrumbs in a hand of a baby. He circled the fleets and hurricane, lightning and deafening claps of thunder followed suit.

However, Merong Mahawangsa did not give up easily. He shot his magical arrows, he swung his magical sword, and he shielded his man with his great strength.

They fought for days, and weeks, intermittently.

Until finally all the ships were destroyed and wrecked.

Garuda won. His bosom was filled with so much pride, it almost explode.

However, within the chaotic wrecks, there is still a sign of life. A man clung to his life on a plank of wood in the waters. The water drifted him to a deserted island. Or so he thought. Tired, hungry, dehydrated and dazed, he could hardly open his eyes when a group of ladies found him and took him to a cave.

Garuda went to see King Solomon, to convey the news of his victory.

Indeed, said King Solomon, of which he then commanded the king of Djins to bring the Princess and her escorts to the palace.

Lo and behold, for there was a man with the entourage.

So Garuda, asked King Solomon, who might this man be?

Garuda knew who he is.

He was ashamed and flew away. Never to be seen by any human.

The man was of course the Prince of Rome. The group of ladies who found him were the princess's maids. He found shelter with the Princess who aid him. She fed him and she nursed him. Until he was strong.

All these stories are examples of what is pre written for each of us.

Death and marriage.


Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa – Author unknown

Image of Garuda by www.goloka.com - The Gallery of Avatars and Demigods

Part 1 - Death Speaks

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This is just parts of stories that I find intriguing. They'll come in two parts. Different story but same message.-----



The Prophet, King Solomon, was sitting on his throne when a man came to see him. His face was white with terror, trembling, he said, Your Majesty, just now when I was in the market place, I was jostled by a man in the crowd and when I turned I saw his face. It was Death. He looked at me in a very peculiar way and made a threatening gesture.

Your Majesty must help me. Lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there, death will not find me.

And as fast as the horse could gallop he went to Samarra to avoid the man called Death.

Later, Solomon summoned the Angel of Death. Why did you make a threatening gesture to my friend?

That was not a threatening gesture, Death replied, it was only a start of surprise. Indeed, I was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra.

Mawlana Rumi

AKU, IBU YANG KONPIUS

Aku cakap-cakap dengan Mama Ina semalam. Alahai..sedihnya aku dengar dia sedih. She clearly miss Zachary and Sya. Zachary, lebih-lebih lagi kot. Aku cerita kat dia pasal maid aku, pun dia mesti tambah-tambah, kata maid aku buat tak betul.

Macam contohnya, aku cakap, Zachary tidur pukul 11:30 pagi, bibik dok popok Zachary, terlupa nak sambut Batrisyia balik sekolah. Mama Ina kata, masa Mama Ina jaga Zachary dulu, selalunya Zachary mesti tengah seronok main-main..asyik tidur aje budak tu apasal?

Aku faham perasaan dia. Yelah dah lama dia jaga bebudak tu. Kids really have that effect on adult. Kalau dah jaga lama, love just grow on you. Clearly aku katakan kat sini, aku adore Mama Ina. Dia babysitter yang best, dan aku and dia get along really well. Aku rasa aku pun employer yang bagus kot. Dia dapat bonus, dapat gifts..aku memang pandai bodek dia.

So ada jugaklah orang tanya, entah-entah she misses your money kot. Lost of income lah katakan. I really do not think so. I don't. Tak pernah aku rasa dia jaga anak aku semata-mata pasal duit. Aku percaya dia sayang kat anak-anak aku.

Dia mintak semalam, Lollies, kalau boleh dalam seminggu hantarlah sekali ke dua kali Zachary kat akak. Akak rasa sunyi. Baby Eizlan sorang aje tak ada kawan nak buat main. Tak ada budak ketawa. Kalau dia dua orang, kecoh-kecoh akak pun..akak rasa seronok. Boleh ke Lollies.

Aduhai..hibanya aku. Aku tulis ni macam nak nangis aje.

Inilah masalah aku kawan-kawan. Orang kata aku ni nampak aje macho kat luar..tapi aku ada this habit to want to make people happy. Aku dah tulis pasal ni dah dulu. Aku ni macam jelly kot. Kalau tak ada orang usik, aku nampak straight..orang goyang aku pun jadi macam ni. Jiggle sana, jiggle sini.

Memang tak susah aku nak hantar kat rumah Mama Ina. Kat belakang opis aku aje. Tapi, bibik aku rasa kecik hati tak ko orang rasa? Aku pikir-pikir sampai tertidur semalam, tak sempat nak download Yahoo Messenger kat komputer aku yang lembab tu. Aku ingat-ingat ok gak kalo aku hantar on Friday and Saturday, week yang aku kerja. Terubat gak rindu dia.

Bapak aku pulak kata..hantar ajele rumah Mama Ina. Mama Ina kan bagus.

AKu rasa kekadang aku adalah sikit-sikit macam supermom. Semua benda boleh buat. Tapi kali ini aku tak super langsung. Aku tak super.

Cheeky Haziq

We went to a friends' birthday party, and Haziq got himself loads of balloons. Multi coloured unblown balloons.

That night, after dinner, I saw Haziq busy at the kitchens sink. I am a mother, I know he was up to something. When I used the word something, it's usually something naughty. But I let him do whatever he was doing because sometime I am a mad mother. And also sometime I teach them madness.

Then he came to me. His face is, plastered, cheeky. He had bunch of balloons in his hands. The balloons are filled with water.


Weapon of Mass Destruction

Then he spelt out his plans, which clearly was well thought off. The only thing left was execution.

THE PLAN

Tommorrow, I will creep up behind my friend.

I will slowly put these, lifting the balloons for me to see, in my friend's shirt.

I will then poke them.

The water will come out slowly.

But I will run as fast as I can.

They will know it's you and will be angry

They won't know it's me because I will be long gone.

*Grinning.* I have invented a bomb.

xxxxx

The balloon deflated anyway. (Thank God). He will have to go back to the drawing board.

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Before going to bed, I found a small balloon, filled with little water, in Zachary's shirt.

It was not poked yet.

Zachary was hooked with a time bomb.

Sadness Pangs

This morning, I felt the rush of sadness engulfing me. Zachary was up early as usual, playing with himself while I readied myself to work. Then Batrisyia got up and started ranting about wanting to go to Mama Ina's. Uggghh that girl always hit me where it hurt most.

Then I kissed Zachary and suddenly I was emotional. This is the first time that I am driving alone to work. I have been driving with my kids since 1998 since I had Haziq. And it's day in day out until yesterday.

The driving can be quite chaotic especially when Batrisyia is arguing with Haziq or when Zachary cries or babble. Usually they are the source of my entertainment (and headache too). I don't usually on the radio.

Intermittently, as I wait for the red traffic light, I will make faces with Zachary. There's never really a quiet time in the car.

Today as I idled in the car, staring at the traffic, the car seems quiet. Too quiet, despite VE was blaring Pop Yeh Yeh on the radio.


Jalan Klang Lama (Klang Lama Road)

There is no Zachary in the car seat. Thank God I've blogged about that


Zachary left his bear for me to play with

No one at the back laughing and tumbling in the car.


Empty back seats

I had to put up the volume. The quietness in the car deafens me. I need my usual decibel in the car.

I missed the noise. I miss everything. Even the occassional poo poo smell.

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Sorry friends for the series of my sad entries and my sad mood. Just bear with me. I need time. I'll soon get back to Lolliesself. Just let me blow my stuffy nose first.

Bye-bye Mama Ina

Today is a sad day for me.

Today is a sad day for Mama Ina.

It is the last day for Zachary and in a way Batrisyia too.

So by default, it is a sad day for both Zachary and Batrisyia too.

Mama Ina took care of Batrisyia since she was only two months old, sometime back in 2001. She had been a good other mom for both of my children. And Batrisyia loves Mama Ina very much despite she was always arguing with her. But that's just Batrisyia.

She took care of both my children , and Haziq too sometimes, like as if they were her own children. Sometimes I think she is far more concern of their welfare more than I am.

Mama Ina is a great cook. Since Batrisyia stayed with her, she loves food more than Haziq does, and she definitely took spicy food better than Haziq. Thanks to Mama Ina’s masak lemak cili api (spicy coconut gravy with chillies). Even I have the opportunity to doggy-bag her food. And her porridge for Zachary is far far tastier than my bland porridge.

Mama Ina is a child minder that you can always count on. I have a peace of mine when my children are with her. Even when they have fever, for she knows when is the right time to alert me.

My children have the best of treatment from her. During sleeping time, Mama Ina would lie next to them and pat them to sleep, which she, in the process, slumbers too. Ahhh..the excuses of taking care of children.

But, with my change of routine, we all have to say goodbye to Mama Ina.

I hugged her goodbye. She kissed Zachary many times, crying.

I am bad at good-byes. Sometimes I don’t know how to let emotions go. Sometimes I don’t want to worsen the situation. I didn’t want to cry.

But I did.

Before I left, I asked whether I could still count on her just in case. She gladly said, in between her tears, anytime, Lollies, anytime.


My children's happy times with Mama Ina. The baby on the most right is baby Eizlan. He is Zachary's friend.

Pep Talk

The day has finally come. The day that I have been waiting for since last November. I can’t point my finger whether I really am looking forward to this day. It is quite a mixed feeling really.

You see, I applied for a helper last November. A helper in Malaysian context is a live-in maid. And in my case I applied for an Indonesian helper. I have been living and sustaining on my own (of course with great help from my lover) without a helper to help me out for eight years. But now that Haziq is schooling and there is no decent nursery near my house, I think it’s about time. As much as I am reluctant to have one.

Really, it’s quite difficult to have somebody else in the house. A stranger at that. Someone that you have to put trust mending your house when you are not around and worst of all mending your children. Particularly my 10-month old Zachary. She came last Saturday. Until today, I still find it difficult to pass Zachary to her.

Today I took Yati, my helper, to Mama Ina’s house. Mama Ina is the one who has been minding Batrisyia and Zachary all this while. She will train her on the dos and the don’ts with the kids. How to bottle-feed Zachary for I am utterly clueless about bottles myself. There are no bottles in the house at all.

The first day she came, that night, I gave some pep talk. I told her,

Please have your motives (nawaitu) right by coming over here. You are here to look for money, to provide income for your family that you’ve left in Indonesia. You are here to work at my house, please honour what you’ve promised.

You may have heard cases of maids being abuse back at your home country. But you also must realise that I have heard worst cases here about Indonesian maids. Child abuse and kidnap, stealing (not to mention husbands too – I didn’t mention this), running away with boyfriends, bringing strangers in the house, feeding children meager food while they chat away with their friends. The list is endless.

So I want you to be sincere. Please respect my family, for I will, too in return. I plan to treat you well here and I hope you can appreciate that. You have children of your own too…

The most important things are my children. Please place my children as your priority too. You may not hit them. At any instances they are rude and are overboard, you can tell them no and shall report it to me. I will be the one responsible.

Finally, I welcome you to my house and I hope you can work well with my family.

With that I end my pep talk, not before giving her a list of routine work to do as well.

Pray for me that this deal will go well.

Pray for my family too.

SYA IS FOUR

She was three days overdue. In fact all my babies love my womb so much, they must have wished that they could stay in there forever. I felt the contraction strong on the 7th April 2001 in the middle of the night. Got to the hospital at two in the morning, only to be told that I was only 3cm dilated. (Dilation? What is that? Read here for more).

God bless Batrisyia, for after an hour, she came out like a freak train.

I remembered when I conceived her, my lover said he wanted another boy. I stood neutral. When she came out into the world with spiky hair and slit eyes, my lover was completely mesmerised with his little ah moy. And now Sya is indeed the Daddy’s girl. I wonder if he remembers actually wanting a boy.

Sya is lucky to have an older brother to keep her company and also to fight with. I was worried that Sya will become a boy with her brother’s influence of Power Rangers, Ultraman and toy soldiers. Those have become her toys too. But when I see her wrapping up the “cold” Power Rangers, feeding the “hungry” ultraman and doctoring the “sick” toy soldiers, I think she’s going to be alright.

Her personality is filled with various colours. Full of laughter and tantrums. I complain to my lover that I cannot stand her tantrum and her sulking. He told me that he had to deal with that all the time. Apparently with me!! Now I know, all she needs is a hug. AAAwwwww hugs Sya.

Sya surprises me sometimes with her loving characters. I burst into tears in the open occasionally ..and she, like a true girlfriend, would cry with me too. She doesn’t even know why I’m crying to start with.

Ah..I love you Sya.

Happy fourth birthday Sya.
I chosed this particular picture because I think she looks calm and comforting here. It’s like a few moments before you get a hug from her. I think that moment is precious. Making this picture priceless in my own definition.

Your Birthdate: April 8

Born on the 8th day of the month, you have a special gift for business, as you can conceive and plan on a grand scale. You have good executive skills and you're a good judge of values. You should try to own your own business, because you have such a strong desire to be in control. You are generally reliable when it comes to handling money; you can be trusted in this regard. Idealistic by nature, you are never too busy to spend some time on worthwhile causes, especially if managerial support are needed. There is much potential for material success associated with this number.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

At the moment, the underlined is true.

Makcik Mercedez Colour Merah

Makcik Mercedez colour merah
oh makcik mercedez colour merah,
saya taulah makcik baru aje accident.
Kemek sikit kete makcik tu.
Saya taulah makcik stress.
Tu soma saya tau.
Saya prihatin.
Saya faham,

Tapik makcik kenapalah makcik tak parking kete makcik tu betul-betul,
Parking lot banyak kosong.
Sebelah saya ni pun kosong,
Bontot kete saya gak makcik nak parking,
Asal makcik?
Makcik panik ke?
Makcik dah tak boleh drive ke?
Lutut dah longgar ke?
Nak masuk parking pun tak boleh?

Saya mintak izin baik-baik ni makcik,
Tolongle alihkan kete,
Makcik nak bincang,
Nak settlekan accident,
SAYA NAK PULANNGGGGGGGGG

Sniffles, sniffles

Oh dear, oh dear. I am feeling really really sick today. I think I want to go home and lie down and slowly try to breath. I must be well before tonight, for Haziq has a concert. I volunteered to bring fruits.

Haziq will be performing two short pieces. and he is playing with both right and left hands on the organ. And it's the Soh house Doh house hand movement thingy. Nevermind... It's no big deal really, all the kids need to perform.

But I want to go. HUWAAAAA Ibu wants to go but Ibu is sick.

I need to sleep.

ASKING QUESTIONS

In his book "How to Have a Beautiful Mind" by Edward de Bono, he emphasises on the importance of asking questions within a discussion in order to have a fruitful and interesting conversation.

Asking questions, should not be just merely "Shooting Questions" for example

"Have you been to the new shopping complex?"
"Is your birthday today?"
"Do I look fat?"

It's ok to ask these questions if you don't mind a "yes" or a "no" answer. Questions which you anticipate the answer is either a "yes" or a "no" is termed as "Shooting Question".

However if you'd prefer a a more explicit answer or explaination to your question, you should ask "Fishing Question" instead.

"What do you think of the new shopping complex?"
"When is your birthday"
"Define fat (ha ha ha)?"

Anyway just to illustrate the point of the importance of asking questions and also asking right questions, allow me to share with you an email I just received.

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all
means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask. For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project, don't ask for the holiday; ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

Menyampah I you...

Dedicated to no one except me, myself and I

Apasallah aku ni agaknya. Apasallah aku nak buat soma orang happy. Apasallah Aku even bother. Membuatkan akhirnya aku yang tak happy. Apasallah aku tak cakap aje apa yang betul-betul aku rasa. Why do I grit my teeth so much to control myself. Such a waste of good set of braces I am using now.

At the end of the day akulah yang bengang. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Why am I up even longer than I should wasting my time thinking. About something useless pulak tu.

I believe I should do something about this. I should stand up and say what I must say and do what I believe I should have done.

First thing first, I am just going to say...I AM NOT GOING TO BE BLOODY BOTHERED!

OK second thing is I am not going to think that much. I am just fucking tired.