Anak sendiri

Ni nak pergi kelas KAFA in 45 minutes.

Sebok mengajar anak orang, anak sendiri pun tak betul.

:((

Jihad gak ni

It is a jihad for me to be happy and cheerful and understanding and compassionate to this person, who fled from her war torn country, when she is rude and selfish and thinks little about others' difficulties.

It's ok, she had a hard time.
Her hard time shapes her the way she is now. It is not her fault.
Be sympathetic.
You don't really know her.
You could also be in her position. Err ok..

But please, for now, just don't get in my way.

"None of you will truly believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself". (narrated by Bukhari)

May Allah calm my heart.

Contradict Each Other

Some people are asking for my help. I did eagerly want to.

But somehow some of the words they say contradict themselves. One day she says this. On another day, she said something else that contradicts her own words earlier.

She probably doesn't know that I have a memory of an elephant.

And also I rarely delete my sms messages.

I am having doubts now.

And I don't like feeling like this.

Things That Make Me Go Grrrrr

Now I can tell you among the things that make me go grrr as a continuation that I am garang (last post).

You know when you are at the cashier counter. And you want to fill up the things the cashier just registered. So you have to take up the fresh plastic bag and put your stuff in there. I always have problem with these plastic bags. Somehow they are not Lollies friendly. I always have a hard time opening up the bags. They are forever sticking to each other. I believe the more I rub the bag to open it, more electric charges discharging off of me making the plastics stick even more. It is so frustrating. Even more frustrating when the cashier is done with her job, and I have pile of things to be put in the bag and the waiting queue is long. All staring at me impatiently and no one cute is in the line.

My lover, though, doesn't seem to share this predicament of mine. He does not have any problem with the plastic bags. I retorted and said, that is because you have sticky fingers. Lizards and frogs have them too. :P

Indeed we should go plastic bag-less.

Before typing up this entry, I was enjoy my lempeng laden with onions and chillies. Cicah pulak dengan kari ayam pekat semalam. I ate them when it was still steaming hot. Glorious simple food! I was enjoying the curry swirling in my mouth and the sliced chillies are teasing my tongue when suddenly I found myself biting the food bomb. Do you now what a food bomb is? It's the cardamon. Ohhh and the explosion leaves you with an after taste lingering in your mouth for like the whole day. Total anti climax.

And biting a cardamon is one of the things that makes me go grrrrrr.

I also get Grrr when I accidentally kicked the table's foot or the bed or something. The toe hurt so much that my mind goes blank for a second but the pain remains forever. I really do feel like strangling someone when this happen.

The same goes when I bend down to take cengkih from the lower cabinet only to get up and bump my head on an open drawer above. Sakit tak terkata!

Hmm what else ah? I cannot think anymorelah. My head is steaming now due to the cili pedas in my lempeng. Tapi ahh sedapnya. Obviously by the time I finish typing this the cardamon taste has gone. But I tell you it was there like forever.

Ini Sudah Leceh

Sometimes when I go out, to the groceries especially, I notice there are man who would eye me and follow me around the aisles. This is terrifying because I usually shop in the morning. At certain grocery stores, not many people are around.

So what I do is I would walk quickly to where there are more people.

And the next thing I do now is I don't go to that store in the morning again. Now I choose bigger stores where there are more people.

Today is my grocery day again. I found those biscotti finger things. Yayy boleh buat tiramisu. And bought this supposed to be less fat cream cheese. Hmm sedapkah nanti?

Anyway, I was looking closely at these aisles for biskut marie. Where the hell did they put them? Dulu kat sini. Then I noticed a man was watching me. Haiyoo!

Then when he noticed I saw him, he circled around the aisle I was at, trying to get closer and closer to me and nearly brushed my back.

I was scared. Scared sampai rasa sangat marah! So finally when he was in front of me I said to him, "You! Stay away from me! Understand?!"

He was quite shocked actually. Thank goodness he didn't get defensive or err angry. Because we wre alone at that particular aisle. In fact he was so shocked that he said oh! ok. and left.

Tapi as for myself forget the biskut marielah. Entah mana dia kedai tu bubuh agaknya. I didn't see him after that at all.

Then I went to pick up the kids. Eh asallak jam jalan ni? So the lane I was on was crawling. But the lane on the left tu laju sikit because they would turn elsewhere. Then I noticed this car was inching next to mine. And I turned, this guy was trying to get my attention. Hah?? And waved at me. hah??!!!

Then he slowed, crawling next to my car. In the process he blocked the rest of the cars behind him. And he was waving and waving trying to get my attention. By this time I was pissing in my pants already. Shit betullah. If the guy in the store tu at least he is a non local arab (sebab dia tak pakai thawb). This guy in the car is local. So that scares the shit out of me.

But somehow, I managed to get to the lane on the right. So we were then set apart. Legaaa

If any of you think that you get attention over here because you are pretty ke apa, sorry to tell you, that is not the case. They go for anything. Such a loser if you think prettiness and looking good is a factor!

I am not the only one yang kena harass ni. Ada yang kena lagi teruk. Ada yang siap rub his private parts lagi (tapi not local guys so far). Why the lady tak marah, you might ask. Well, kadang-kadang kita jadi takut kan? Kadang-kadang kita terkejut and really tak tau nak buat apa. Kadang-kadang kita malu apa orang fikir pasal kita kalau kita kecoh. Wallahu3alam. But then again this happen in any country kan? May we be given strength to defend our honour.

My theory is, these "predators" target their victims by vulnerability.

Being alone makes you vulnerable.
Being asian also makes you vulnerable.
being alone and asian makes you double vulnerable.

why asian you may ask? Sebab being asian kat sini can mean that you are a maid, or someone in blue collar. Harassment is many times about power. Who has more than the other. (teringat cerita disclosure).

Undeniably there are my friends who are arabs (but not locals because I don't have local arab friends) who are harassed. Tapi kaw-kaw kena harass dia orang ni. Tunggu depan rumah segala. And telling them you are married and have kids will not deter them. Ni my firend ni lah. Tapi I suppose in their case because dia orang ni memang lawa sungguh. Masya Allah! Lawanya dia orang. Anyway my friend finally had to tell her husband and her husband pergi bergaduh dengan predator tu. Siap kata I love her to the husband pulak tu. Such courage. So kulang ajaq!

Unfortunately also some asians love harassment. Especially kalau yang harass tu local with big cars and big money. Dalam kes ni it is not called harass anymore, it's called win-win situation.

being female or male is not a factor though. Not here.

So I am kinda feeling uneasy about it. This is not the first time. Funnily this only happen after I don the hijab. MAsa tak pakai dulu adalah jugak, but not as much as now.

Ini memang melecehkan. If it persists I might have to do something more drastic. Niqob may be an option.

Nasib Orang Merantau

!! من فضلك
الرجاء عدم الوقوف هنا
وألا
سوف نبلغ الشرطة

Hmmmm

let me highlight to you some of the words

من فضلك - please
الوقوف هنا - park here
وألا - or else
الشرطة - the police

One glance you might think it says, Pleasepark here or else police will come or something.

alas it means totally the opposite. basically the whole paragraph means

Please don't park here or we'll call the police.

This note was put on my lover's windscreen. He parks near this local guy's house. Not blocking anything. Next to his tall wall. Normal scene at any residential place. Personally I don't think the police has jurisdiction here.

But who are we? Menumpang sahaja.

Well at least they said Min Fadlik ( please).

Forwarding

I received an email the other day. The email was apparently forwarded to the sender and was also a mail of a long list of forwarders and forwardees. With the name of the previous senders and receivers and all that. And a lot of this sign >>>>

I had to scroll down a loooonnnngggg time to get to the actual message.

And when I finally got down to the actual message, it was a photo. The email didn't warn me that the photo would be gory. It was a photo of a man squashed down under a huge block. Only his head peeked out from under the block, with eyes popped out and flesh splurt everywhere.

Oh correct me. It was not just one photo but many photos at different angle of the poor man. They were bloody pictures.

You must be thankful that I am not colourful with my adjectives, otherwise you would be visualising the picture as much as I am now.

Please clean up your forwarded mails of the long list of previous senders and receivers. And please warn people when a gory picture is coming up. Eeiiiiiii!

Let's enjoy ths kek batik instead.

I Can't Stop Crying

Aku belai anak kecilku dari dia kecil lagi. Aku limpahkan kasih sayang kepadanya. Bila dia besar aku terapkan disiplin. Aku kongsi ilmu bersamanya. Aku perhatikan dia membesar di hadapanku. Setiap detik menggembirakanku. Hilai ketawanya. Sedu sedannya.

Dia peluk aku pagi semalam. Dia peluk aku pagi ini. Dia mahukan sesuatu dan memujukku. Aku buat tak layan. Dia sugul. Comelnya. Kasihnya aku padanya.

Dia minta dimasukkan ke kelas ballet. Ibu tak ada duit. Dia sugul. Tapi masih lagi dia datang memelukku.

Ibu masak sedap. Dia senyum memandang aku. Bundar matanya penuh cahaya. Aku kasih padanya.

Dia bergaduh adik beradik. Ibuuu tengok dia ni, jerit dia. Rimas aku. Tapi bila semua tak ada, aku rindukan hingar bingar. Aku rindukan pelukkannya.

Janganlah engkau, syaitan bertopengkan manusia, ambil itu semua dari aku. Engkau, manusia selaku haiwan, dengan nafsu serakah engkau. Hati binatang engkau. Apa hilang sifat kemanusiaan engkau. Engkau merosakkan kehidupan anak kecil itu. kehidupan keluarganya. Keluarga yang memberi kasih sayang sesama mereka. Tidak ada sedikitkah lagi sifat belas kau?

---

I was talking to my friends about my kids transportation to school. One of them remarked, you parents are so paranoid. I played in the kampong throughout my childhood. I cycled to school in quiet road. I enjoyed my childhood.

I enjoyed my childhood too. I walked 15 minutes from school when I was in primary. I cycled to my religous school. I go to pasar malam. I go places.

It was perhaps safer back then or I was just lucky.

But I feel afraid to take similar risk with my children. Am I hampering them with great life outdoor? But can they really be safe anywhere. If in the security of home do not promise anything. I feel scared. Scared for my children.

But to my friend, I said, you obviously do not have children of your own.

AlFatehah Nurin. Dunia ini kejam. Tempatmu di syurga sekarang, anak kecil.

Oh What A Game

Yesterday Haziq was playing ball with Batrisyia outside the house. I was reading, "Reading Lolita in Tehran" and Jack was running about. Then came two Indian boys or Pakistanis, I don't know, I can't tell the difference. They probably are about Haziq's age or slightly older. Of course children hit off quite well. No introduction needed between them. They played football with Haziq or rather they played among themselves because they are good at dribbling. Haziq is still new to the game or he is also in the making of "kaki bangku" like his dad.

Then Sya got bored and a bit angry because obviously she can't get the ball at all. So I went inside to take another ball. Another girl next door was there so they can kick or throw the ball at each other and leave the boys with their rougher game.

When I went out Haziq was not there anymore so I figured they were bored and Haziq went to play with them instead. So I kicked ball with the girls.

Somehow I turned left where there is little bush across the road. I saw Haziq with his hand raised and the two boys were standing in front of him facing him. One of them had a gun pointing at Haziq's head!

I was shocked! Terrified! In fact, scared!

I shouted, "WHAT KIND OF GAMES ARE YOU PLAYING??!!! STOP POINTING THE GUN AT HIM!" My hands on my hips and probably looking very angry.

The boy with the gun answered, "It's not loaded!"

I said, "I don't care if it is not loaded. You are not playing that game!"

Oh I so wanted to smackhis head. I so wanted to take the gun and crash it to the ground. I didn't.

If the boys answered again I will walked to them and give more earful but they scampered off.

My heart stopped pumping and everything froze when I saw this. Okay it is a toy gun (I assumed) that looks frigging real. It's like a scene in a movie.

I was angry at the boys. The game was disgusting to me! I have never seen children playing that kind of game. They looked so, so, so adult and at one moment so evil.

I was angry at Haziq. He is a gentle boy, Haziq. He doesn't do violent. Oh sure I am no goody parent either. Of course I have bought him toy guns before. He does shoot around with his friends. But never, never at close range with the "victim" hands raised like that.

I was angry at Haziq because in my perspective those are plain bullying and Haziq had allowed him being bullied probably thinking that he was just playing along.

I was angry at myself also because I felt that I should have said more. I am furious.

I told Haziq to me the two kids were bullying him. I also told him never, ever allow anyone to make you play the victim with a game as repulsive as that! Oh Haziq got an earful alright.

What terrifyme most is will Haziq always be open for bullying when I am not around to "protect" him? Oh I am terrified.

Oh friends, am I being paranoid or over reacting? Are those just boys game? Should I just let Haziq play along with whatever game? Should I even interfere? Should I allow him to toughen him up and make him ready to face the real world?

I do not like violent game. I somehow saw that the game was a seed to violence.

What happen to normal games nowadays?

Pot Luck Disaster

Sesuatu pot luck boleh jadi disaster kalau orang tak ikut kata organiser atau ada orang bawak yang jauh lebih sedap dari apa yang aku masak. Huwaaaaa.

Hari ini ada pot luck kat opis aku. Soma dah ditugaskan bawak ikut main dish. Aku bawak nasi minyak. Ada bawak kari kambing, acar nenas and biasalah nasi impit and the whole gang bank, tukang buat air exotic tanpa alkohol, bawak buah grape tanpa biji, puding buat sendiri, sambal buat sendiri. Pendek kata syaratnya buat sendiri.



Tapi ada pulak makcik baru ni yang bila orang tanya nak bawak apa rahsia, rahsia. Tak nak kasi tau apa dia mau bawak. Tau tak apa dia bawak? Dia pi cater nasi arab apa entah yang ada campur daging, satu set lagi campur ayam, cater kari udang, paceri, acar. Tapai pun dia cater. Dia tau tak aku dah cop nasi??!!!!



Macam ni, dia ajele bawak semua. Cater habis. Tak payah buat pot luck.

Sekarang nasi aku dah berlebih-lebih. Sapa nak habiskan? Bungkus bawak balik? Sedih aku tau. Plus aku ada berlambak-lambak open house hari ni. Sapa yang nak makan tu?

Pas tu, korang pun tau aku tak geti masakkan? Penat aku masak malam semalam. Macamana aku nak compete dengan nasi arab yang banyak haiwan terselit-selit celah nasi tu!!!!

The Art of Apologising

When you know that you have angered someone, a genuine anger, the best thing you should do is apologise. Apologise must be done sometime after the heat of the moment. Not too soon, as the heat may blind the angered. But not too late either, that the anger have eventually turned to bitter hatred.

Please please don't delay dally for it will only make things akward. Regardless you think she is going to eat you up. (I'm using she here just to make reference easier. Nothng to related to anyone dead or alive or undead). Even if she does, finally both of you know where the situation stands. And may both of you rest in peace.

Try oh please try, to start the whole apologising thing first. For obvious reason of course.

And when you apologise, do do mean what you say. Win her heart. Plead sorry. Not beg, just plead. Be sincere. Look her in the eye. Regardless you think you are right. You need to calm her first. Utmost important. For her scorn is worst than hellfire.

Do not! And I repeat do not intermission it with your justification, your state of condition, your other friends, your atok, your nenek, the pokok and all that. It's not about you! It's about her heart. All these intermission are signals that you are trying to avoid the issue altogether.

Do not! In the process, make her feel like she is in the dock.

You are in the dock at the moment.

Calm her.
Make her believe that you are sincerely sorry.
Wholeheartedly.

For she can tell.

When she is calm, then only..again depending on the situation can you

slowly

softly

explain your situation.

stop

when she start debating too much

listen to her (after all you are the one at wrong)

when she is ready to listen, explain yourself.

You'll never know, she might end up feeling shit of the whole situation and in fact seek for your forgiveness instead.

However, I feel there is something missing in this whole thing.

Your rambling of yourself, your story of your small car, your story of your car made into sardine. your story that you are not ditching me, of you feeling hurt of me being angry at you because you lied to me in the first place.

What is the missing factor?

Could it be the lack of sincerity?

Why am I still sad?

I think brader, I penatlah jadi yang forgiving ni. I ingat I nak jadi bitch balik. At least I don't become a softee.

Central Market Part II

Aku sambung baliklah cerita Central Market ni. Anyway, masa aku mula-mula kerja dulu aku kena naik dua bas. Satu bas mini from Mindef sampailah ke Bangkok Bank pastu aku jalan kaki sikit sampai Bus Stang Klang naik bas Intra Kota. Fuyo bas baru kat KL ni. Nampak so posh. Drebar pun pakai uniform macam kat UK. Aku naik bas no. 5 sampai Bangsar. Balik pulak aku naik apa-apa bas yang lalu Central Market kat Jalan Bangsar tu. Dari, eh penatlah tulis Central Market Central Market. Aku tulis CM lah. Dari CM aku naik bas balik ke Mindef. Macam tulah hari-hari sampai aku dari pindah rumah Uncle aku.

So petang-petang adalah aku kat CM tu. Kekadang aku balik terus..kekadang aku pusing-pusing CM tu. Tengok orang draw, tengok kedai antik, dok belek LPlah, tengok souvenier, tengok orang. Kadang-kadang aku pi pakai public phone call fiance aku. Masa tu aku tak ada HP. Baru kerja..gaji pun tak ada.

So satu hari aku tengah jalan-jalan...sekonyong-konyong aku ditegur oleh satu Mat Smart ni. Mat Smart ni, in my books, is Mamat yang perasan dia smart. Rambut dia macam carefully disikat, walaupun aku rasa sikat ke tak sikat ke rambut memang jenis keras je..takkan berubah pun. Pastu pakai kemeja lengan pendek and slack..siap pakai tie. Lawak..pakai lengan pendek pakai tie. Pakai slack macam orang tua punya style. Pastu ada HP besar bapak kat pinggang. Kasut kilat babe. Pastu tangan pegang kunci kereta. Woo kira hebatlah dia rasa nak tayang dia ada kereta. Ada kereta apa buat kat CM ni, waktu orang balik kerja ni. Nak cari souvenier kot?

"Err...excuse me miss. You ni macam familiarlah. I rasa kita macam perna jumpa. I wonder where?"

Errrkk aku tengok muka dia. He is not much taller than me. And I am not tall. I am trying to guess kerja apa mamat ni. Aku keluar tepat pukul 5, so considered awallah mamat ni dah ada kat CM.

"No..sorry. I don't think I know you"

No kita mesti pernah jumpa. You belajar kat mana dulu?

Podachitlah Mat Smart..you won't get me trapped into making me give info of myself to you.

I rasa I tak kenal youla. I belajar kat sini aje.

You ITM ke?

Semua orang belajar ITM ke kat sini? OKlah aku ITM. Tapi aku dah mula walk away dah

Hah..ya..

Itulah memang betul you nampak familiar. Why don't kita minum-minum. Cerita sikit. Ingat kisah lama.

Mamat ni biar betul. Aku jalan makin laju..nak belah dari mamat ni

You mind ke I jalan dengan you ni?

Hah! Jackpot question!

Yes! I do mind. Saya nak jalan sorang dan saya tak nak minum.

Eh! Janganlah gitu. Ambik card I. I ni eksekutif kerja kat Celcom. So kalau kita minum-minum, bolehlah kita kenal each other better

An executive introducing himself like that to me. How so no class.

Sorry mister Suara dah tinggi sikit. I don't wanna drink. I am not from ITM. I don't know you and I don't want to know you. So do not follow me ok?

Aku celah terus dan tak layan mamat tu panggil-panggi lagi.

I don't know, I have this big feeling he is not what he claims to be.

Plus aku tak suka Mat Smart.

Then I moved out from my Uncle's house so aku tak frequent lagilah CM tu.But after two months, aku ada pergi CM tu sekali lagi sebab aku baru ingat aku ada hantar filem cuci gambar. So aku nak collect.

Tengah-tengah aku jalan tu..tetiba ada orang tegur aku

"Err...excuse me miss. You ni macam familiarlah. I rasa kita macam pernah jumpa. I wonder where?"

My God! The same exact line. Aku toleh and without doubt the same exact Mat Smart.

Dia tak perasan aku rupanya. Then dia go on about me looking familiar. Tanya aku belajar mana and all sort and nak kasi aku kad "eksekutif" dia tu.

AKu ketawa. Kah! Kah! Kah! Dia pelik sekejap. Tapi nampak dia suka, sebab aku ketawa. Pastu aku diam tetiba..dan aku pandang dia dan aku sternkan suara aku.

"Look mister! You have tried that line on me before. Exact same line! What are you trying to get huh? Kamu ni dah tak ada kerja lain ke?!"

Dia terkejut gila..

"Eh! Ya ka?"

"Maybe saya patut report awak ni!"

Dia terus Ca Alip Bot. Seriously he literally ran away!

Aku tak tau apa kerja dia. Apa muslihat dia. Or apa yang dia mahu.

Tapi aku rasa he is up to no good. Dia dok cari awek yang nampak muda and new. Get them to trust him..yalah executive kan..sure hebat. For what I don't know.

Menyesal pulak rasa aku tak report kat polis pasal dia ni.

Berapa banyak pompuanlah dia dah kenakan.

Lollies' Irkiness

It was Saturday yesterday. Yes! I remembered that when I woke up that morning.

Ahhh sleep..

Oh! I also remembered that I am working today! I am working on Saturday! Pppffffftttt!

I have chest pain. Irritated cough. Stuffy nose. Just to let you know, today, I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed.

In the office there was a sudden meeting. Argument! Argument! Argument! I don't need this endless argument, really. So I purposely let my mind wander away..while stiffling a few unproductive coughs. Then my boss looked at me and asked for an opinion. Hah? What I think? How my report writing is doing?

Well,yadda yadda yadda bla bla bla! You are such a babba babba babba duh duh duh. My report is just du di da du di da, thank you for asking

Something to that effect

Then meeting dismissed.

I am brain tired.

Did I tell you what day was yesterday? I said Saturday eh? I said it's my working day, did I? Well yesterday more than just that. Yesterday was also Lollies-Feeling-Very-Ugly day. And what better thing could you do on a feeling ugly day? After lunch at Bangsar, I found Guardian Pharmacy. Oohhh yes the wonderland of the pharmacy shop. (Guardian is like Boots in England.) So I went in. They always welcome people who feel ugly to enter and shop as they might.

You can tell because among the rows of shelves they put pictures of preety girls pouting shining lips, sheer blusher, very curly eyelashes, perfect taut skin, slim hour glass figures, no stretch mark on butt. Yes! These products will do me just those. I believe the adverts. I believe them.

I headed straight to the face care shelves. Ahhh yes I need this "Revitalising Eye Essence". I was looking at my eyes and there is faint appearance of dark circles and fine wrinkles. Yes! Yes! I must have this. Otherwise I will appear like Zorro even though I am not actually wearing a mask.

Then I saw it. A must have. The face mask - to reduce the pores and diminish fine wrinkles. You will feel so freshen up after wearing this. Ooohh can you see my laugh line? You can right?..Jeez I must have this. I will follow all the beauty regime it says I must put this on for minimum 30 hours and I will see a new me. Yeah baby a new me. I like that eh? New me? I believe I am getting closer to be Angelina Lollie that I am.

And what more to top it up with then the anti pigmentation cream. Can you see that spot on my nose? Hah! Soon you won't be able to see it. No more siree. Say bye bye to pigmentation.

Oh..oh..I need a basket now. I see the body scrub. Must have! Plonk in the basket!

Body cream. Must get the biggest tub. For me and Sya! Plonk into the basket!

Lipstick. Yes! Yes! Zachary just poked his tiny finger into my lipstick. Now it is actually stick no more..it's now lipblob. So new lipstick for me. Plonk into the basket.

And someone said I have short eyebrows. Must get the eyebrow pencil thing with the small brush to comb the brows neatly. Plonk into the basket.

Should I get those slimming patch? I am so fat now. And I have no time nor the energy to exercise. Should I? Should I? Should I? I think not! See I do use brain while shopping. No patch can reduce my tighs.

Then I saw it on the shelves. And I remembered why I was here in the first place.

The sanitary pads. Yes! I wanted to get me them sanitary pads. Slim with wings. To keep me save during the time of the month.

And this is the time of the month.

What? Stop looking at me! I've got all these..I should be looking good soon! What! I am still fat. Should I get those slimming patch, pills and all that. Or do you think I should go and buy myself a threadmill?

God! Save me.

Wait..should I change the title of this entry to Lollies PMS instead?

P/S : Am I glad I was not in Metro superstore otherwise the girls at the beauty counter would have attacked me and I would have believe every single thing they said. So yesterday was actually a cost saving day to beautify myself. But look at this mask..it is so yucy to put on. Duhhh

Tips

Never! Never sell your car to your friend. Even when they know the condition of the car. Even that they have acknowledged that a 8-year-old car would have a "kurap" exterior look, they will make an issue out of it.

Unless you actually hate your friend, and you are ready to make a foe out of him. And if you are happy to add to your I-don't-want-to-friend-you list then, go ahead.

Oh and unless your car doesn't have the kuraputtish look and that also possbbly mean it's a young car, then also OK. Other than that, sell it to strangers.

And perhaps it is your friends' lack of vocabolary, but describing the car that he has viewed and has driven himself as "kurap" only depict that he needs to start wearing glasses.

---

Al Fatehah to my auntie's son in Kuantan who passed away peacefully at 1200 today. She lost her daughter last two years. Same cause. Hepatitis.

A Different Perspective

Sometimes we also need to look into any matter, ANY matter at all, in a different perspective. There is a reason to nearly everything I guess.

So learning from an innocent baby, like little Jack-Jack, I looked at the world in different perspective too.

But they say, sometimes when you do that, you can also see ghosts.

You see I am afraid of ghosts. Afraid, very afraid.

LOLLIES ANGER

As if the last entry was not enough, now you would have to bear more of Lollies' anger. Unfortunately, it is about the bitch next door again.

The other day, she charged into my home like a typical pig that she is. She banged my door furiously as though someone is dying desperate to give birth to a humungus child. Except, it was not anything as noble as that. Not with her!

The thing us, she thought no one was at my house that day. She thought my helper was alone with my children. My car was not there. Neither was my lover's. And banged as she might, she did.

She didn't know that my parents were there, though. My dad parked his car elsewhere.

My mum opened the door. Surprised she was.

Lu mau apa ketuk-ketuk rumah orang macam ni?

Eh! Wa mau cakap sama itu olang gaji.

Dia kerja. Lu pi balik!!.

My dad who was upstairs heard the commotion and went down.

Apa lu mau?!!

Errrr...tak ada saya mau cakap sama itu olang gaji ahhh..dia sudah silam itu pokok ahhh kasik basak sama saya punya cupboard lorrrr..nanti losak woo. Saya bukan malah keleta saya basah..tapi itu cupboard kayu losak wo.

Semalam lu sudah marah sama dia, jerit-jerit, semua orang tengok sekarang lu datang sini mau marah lagi?

Errr saya talak malah. Saya cakap saja.

Cakap!! Ini macam datang cakap ka? Kalau lu mau cakap, lu tunggu anak gua balik, lu cakap sama dia. Apa pasal lu tak tunggu dia balik. Lu mau marah sama itu orang gaji ya? Lu ingat tak ada orang sini ya? Lu tak boleh masuk sini. Lain kali picit loceng. Sekarang lu keluar!

She left. Apparently not happy.

Unfortunately, my helper was never left alone each time she is doing work outside. Why, just yesterday she was minding her business at the back of my house, she got a stare from the Bitch!

This morning, while washing the car, another stare!

What is her problem???? Not enough fucking from her ConstLuction expert husband or what?? She is that kind of people who feels the need to be in power but you see, she has none. She only has her kids that she can boss with and her helper that she can practice dictatorship on. She has little respect for people. Knowing that my helper is a helpless being, afraid and is afterall, a helper..she took advantage. She is trying to play mental with her.

And I don't like that! I don't like her doing that to my helper at any time.

She can't intimidate me, though. I know she tried, first with her renovation and then it was her plant that she wanted to plant on a shared compound..and many more, but I said no! I also mouthed FUCK YOU to myself.

Now she thinks she has a new toy to play with. My helper!!!!

I so feel like going to her house and give her a piece of my mind, really. But I don't want her to be my teacher. I am not going to reciprocate her and become a pig too. One pig in the neighbourhood is enough, thank you.

My helper looks sad today. Her eyes are all puffy. I don't even have any word of kindness with her. I am not good at handling emotions. I am just not that kind of person. Good soothing words do not come from me. I work better when I'm in rage. My system responds well to me in that mode. The way I handle emotion is by being quiet.

But Yati, my helper, has no friends here. I feel for her. She is like a young child really. I know she felt terribly alone and upset.

I think, that she feels that she has angered me and dissappointed me. All this while she worked hard, presumably to please me. And this Bitch spoils it all.

Instead I told her, beef up woman. Be strong. Don't allow her to win at her game. When she stare, you sing and be happy. Don't let her know that you sad or scared. No! Show otherwise, let's see how that'll drive her crazy.

I think Yati is now incredibly confuse.

I ask her, would you like to call Indonesia today. And she said yes, her eyes still sad.

I dialled for her, but no one was home. Oh! Her frustrated look. She almost cried in front of me. I said we'll try again later. Please, please don't cry in front of me. I wouldn't know what to do.

Tommorrow, Yati must lock the gates. Yes, she must.

My Helper's First Bashing

Do you remember that I took a helper into my humble home a month ago? Refer Pep Talk. She has been fine. I have no complaints about her. The kids like her. Zachary has taken well with her. She is a fast learner and can be proactive as much as creative. So I have no qualms.

However today my helper, her name is Yati, got her first scolding. More like a bashing really. And amazingly, not by me or any of my family members.

It was from my immediate neighbour on my right.

Bitch!

My neighbour I mean.

Apparently Yati was watering the plants using the water hose. And well, she must have sprinkled water generously over to her precious boundary. And she does not take that very well. In fact she was angry, she practically shouted at Yati. At the top of her lungs.

Her usual self actually. Let me tell you this..I really don't like this woman. She shouts everyday. To her son Brendon, SHUT UP BLENDON!! WHY YOU SO STUPID ONE??. To her other kids HOW MANT TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO MESS THIS ROOM AAHHH to her helper SAYA SUDAH CAKAP SAMA LU WO. APASAT LU BODOH SANGAT TAK FAHAM APA SAYA CAKAP. BELAPA KALI SAYA MAU CAKAP SAMA LU?

Day in day out, I have to suffer this noise pollution from this woman. Let's call her B. B stands for bitch.

The last time we spoke to her, was on the first week we moved in. We were not happy with her house renovation that has encroached our lawn. Dia buat tingkap kat party wall. Party wall is the wall yang rumah terrace share. So you cannot put a window there. Memangla at the moment side aku kosong sebab aku tak renovate. Tapik dia still tak leh buat tingkap tu. Dok pandang aje rumah aku pulak.

So my lover told her to take it out before she spent more and had to be taken down later. She had the cheek to ask my husband

When do you think you are going to lenovate (renovate) your house?

(actually we are not in planning at all to renovate our house). Well three months time.

Then you just cover this up later lorrr.

No I'm not going to do that. You must not have this window on a party wall in the first place.

No tlabel (trouble) what, you just cover up this window. I won't complain one.

I am not going to agree to that at all.

Well, I'll talk to my husband. He is in Cambodia. He is a constluction expert maaa. He'll be back next month.

I don't care if your husband is in Cambodia or North Pole. If he is such an expert, he won't put this window here in the first place and I am telling you that this is against the Council regulation. If you don't take this window by this week, I will make a formal complaint and will get the council tear down the whole wall. Let me tell you this, I AM A CONSTRUCTION CONSULTANT. Tell your expert husband that!!

(She frowned) then said, So, if you want to lenovate (renovate) that time ahh, you better be sure ahh, you inform me first. My children all ahh cannot stand noise one you know and the dust. You must do it on school holiday so I can go to my palents (parents) house.

Are you the local council?

(Confused face)No.

Then I don't have to report shit to you.

That was our welcoming note to the tarzan bitch. But she is no Bo Derek I tell you. Far from it.

The thing about her scolding my helper is, I understand that my neighbour is not happy that her cement is wet and all. But I think she could say it nicely to my helper. I also prefer she tell it to me and let me deal with my helper myself. But what am I to expect from a tarzan.

Can I teach her civilisation?

Anger Management

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This incident happened quite some time ago. Way before my blogging days

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It was 4:30 in the afternoon when I got a called from Jeffry. Jeffry, apparently is a telemarketing guy. You know the kind of person who calls you to invite you into some hotel promotion scheme. The one that you have to pay, merely (he said) a few hundred ringgits for a fabulous (he said) offering the hotel can give. He mentioned dinner, hi-tea, breakfast, holiday at any of their branches. Yadda, yadda, yadda...

You know how these people are trained to speak non-stop in just one breat, I found it hard to interject. I let him speak first because I didn't want to be rude. Until finally when he gasped for his breath, I said,

Well Jeffry, you know

Yes Miss lollies, surely you find our offer interesting. This is a new hotel, and we are offering to only our first 1000 selected customers.

The thing is I don't want the offer. I hardly eat out. I don't go for holidays. In fact I really don't care about this scheme.

What!!! I have been talking for so long and you never say a thing and now you tell me you don't care???!!!

Well Jeffry I didn't even get the chance to say it. You were talking too fast. I wanted to..

SLAM! He put down the phone. He actually put down the phone on me!! How dare him! I mean whaddafark!

I was pissed off the whole day. I really was. If you really must know, I am the kind of person who get terribly wind up with these kind of things. I would get angry the whole day. Some people say, I have rage. And rage, I was.

Then later that night, I thought what a waste of my emotion and time being angry with him. (Actually this is telltale sign that you are getting older). I promised myself that I would handle it better if I got another call like that.

The next day at approximately 9:30

Hello Miss Lollies. Good morning.

Morning

Hi I’m Jeffry from the new Horrible Toad Hotel. I am calling you to

Wait a minute, you called me yesterday, you know?

I did? No I didn’t. So I was telling you that..

Yes you did. And you slammed the phone on me too.

No! You must be mistaken. It must be somebody else. If you sign up yadda yadda yadda

Hmm..tell you what Jeffry. I know it was you who called me yesterday, but since you said no, it’s prima facie then. I’ll take your word. But first I must ask you a question ok?

Question?

Yes Jeffry. Let’s play a personality game.

No Miss Lollies..you see there is so much to tell.

Oh! Come on Jeffry. Just make me happy for now. It’s good for you this early morning.

Miss Lollies..have you been to our new hotel..

Jefry, what cake do you like?

Huh? Cake?

Yes. What do you like?

No I don’t like cake.

Surely you like at least one cake. Let me help you Chocolate cake perhaps? Cheesecake? Or brownies? Lemon Meringue (how do you pronounce this?)?

Err no Miss Lollies can we get back..

Come on Jeffry. I bet you like chocolate cake. No?

Errr yes

You know what they say if you like cocolate cake. Let me read first ok. You are sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. See I thought you do have a sexy voice. Maybe that’s why you work here..

Lollies, can we talk about cakes later. What about this new scheme wich I think will suit you.

Then let me tell you what I like first. I like

You like sports, but you prefer to watch rather than participate. You don't like to give up the remote control. You're straight to the point and no-nonsense and attract like-minded people. You tend to be self-centred and high maintenance. The Cakes Quiz

So Jeffry. Sometime being myself is difficult because if I go to straight a point, I can be downright rude. I don’t like that you know Jeffry. Do you know what I mean?

I do. Lollies..you are too good for me.

I know Jeffry. I know.

Hmm what can I say..

You can say goodbye and thank you. I am sincere about your voice, you know.

Hmm thanks. Perhaps next time, Lollies.

Good day Jeffry.

And that day, I didn't feel angry at all. I went to sleep, smiling

Makcik Mercedez Colour Merah

Makcik Mercedez colour merah
oh makcik mercedez colour merah,
saya taulah makcik baru aje accident.
Kemek sikit kete makcik tu.
Saya taulah makcik stress.
Tu soma saya tau.
Saya prihatin.
Saya faham,

Tapik makcik kenapalah makcik tak parking kete makcik tu betul-betul,
Parking lot banyak kosong.
Sebelah saya ni pun kosong,
Bontot kete saya gak makcik nak parking,
Asal makcik?
Makcik panik ke?
Makcik dah tak boleh drive ke?
Lutut dah longgar ke?
Nak masuk parking pun tak boleh?

Saya mintak izin baik-baik ni makcik,
Tolongle alihkan kete,
Makcik nak bincang,
Nak settlekan accident,
SAYA NAK PULANNGGGGGGGGG

Menyampah I you...

Dedicated to no one except me, myself and I

Apasallah aku ni agaknya. Apasallah aku nak buat soma orang happy. Apasallah Aku even bother. Membuatkan akhirnya aku yang tak happy. Apasallah aku tak cakap aje apa yang betul-betul aku rasa. Why do I grit my teeth so much to control myself. Such a waste of good set of braces I am using now.

At the end of the day akulah yang bengang. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Why am I up even longer than I should wasting my time thinking. About something useless pulak tu.

I believe I should do something about this. I should stand up and say what I must say and do what I believe I should have done.

First thing first, I am just going to say...I AM NOT GOING TO BE BLOODY BOTHERED!

OK second thing is I am not going to think that much. I am just fucking tired.