This is my fourth year learning arabic and without shame I have to say it is getting harder. T__T.
The articles they gave us gets longer with smaller font and difficult words. The comprehension gets trickier too. What is worse is, they have changed they teaching style too. All these while, we have been paying attention mostly in the grammatical aspect of arabic. Why fathah, why kasrah and why dommah. When we say muslimun, when we say muslimin and when do we say musliman for example. Thisis easy (relative) for me because it is like maths. This and this and this become these.
However this year, they changed the system and force us to make impromptu paragraphs or conversation or stories. In short they force us to speak and write. This is hard for me because I do not possess many vocabularies at all and when I do need these words, i cannot use it in proper context because to write a sentence you cannot just have a knowledge of the root word but you need to know how to apply all the grammatical knowledge correctly into the position of the word in a sentence.
To add to my already blurness, is, all my original classmates are all gone. ALL of them. There are new ones who have been studying ARABIC in the university, DIPLOMA in arabic. Who were senior students who decided to lepak in the class because there are no more arabic class for them, who speak arabic as their mother tongue language.
They have no problem whatsoever to understand article, or make conversation or write paragraphs.
Just last week, we were going through a particularly difficult article (for me). Everyone understood it at one go. I kept having to ask the teacher, what does this mean, what is this and this and this. I kept interrupting the class because I do not know anything. This has been going on for each arabic class but I felt last week was the max of it.
That day also we had to read out a paragraph that we wrote at home and mine was just b a d. The sentences were weak and didnt make sense. You can partly blame it on google translate. (poke eyes)
My ears began to turned red and my cheeks became birat out of flushness. My head felt like it was boiling to burst. It was so overwhelming that I felt like crying. Tears were already welling in my ears. I didnt by the way.
I went home feeling frustrated with myself. Frustrated. Stupid. Slowest.
Each morning before going to arabic class was a heavy chore to me. And the same as today. I am toying the idea of quitting this class and go back to the lower level. They are also doing conversation and writing but in short sentences. Perhaps I can pick up more vocabularies there. The only thing that is stopping me is I really do not want to kecikkan hati my current teacher.
Sigh
Today was another arabic class day. Drag my fat arse out of the house and fight shaytan who keep telling me to quit altogether so I would have time to do other things that are also important.
Drag drag drag.
Oh another new long article today with new words.
But today I decided, you know what, to hell if I sound stupid or feel stupid. I decided I want to take advantage of being the slowest student in the class. To ask and ask ask. The advantage of being the one who knows the least is the teacher kept talking to me and speaking slowly for me. Eyes contact and all. So I am just going to bulldoze this and take the opportunity of being the limelight in the class.
We had to write a short paragraph today. Impromptu one. Oh no! I need the Google translate thing. And we were supposed to write about our opinion on globalisation because that was what the article was about.
Oh well. I decided to write a three sentence paragraph in english and translate what I can.
.في رأيي، لا نستطيع أن دفع العولمة إلى الأبد
.العولمة تدخل الى بيتنا مع الشبكة الدولية والتلفاز والصحف
.هذا الوقت لكل المسلم لتقوية ايمانهم لفصل بين الحق والباطل
In engish it is
SUPPOSED to sound like this
"In my opinion we cannot push away globalisation forever. It is coming to our house through the internet and television and the newspapers. However, it is the time for each Muslim to strengthen their eemaan to (be able to ) separate the truth and false."
I wanted to write further that we should take the opportunity to spread islam and introduce Islam as a beautiful religion and not the religion of terror. But I forgot the word "Opportunity" in arabic. LOL.
I know the arabic work I did is actually entah apa-apa lah. The arrangement of words are weak. But I am feeling elated still because I didnt use Google Translate (poke eyes poke eyes) and it is somewhat understandable.
After weeks of feeling down and stupid, today I felt great. The sun is shining and I can see clearly now. After asking Allah to make it easy for me and to decide whether to quit or not, I am deciding to remain in this level for longer.
In the words of my lover, "kayuh perlahan-lahan, you'll get there."