Impatience

I think by now my quran teacher can tell what my personality is. Just by listening to me read and correcting me and listening again and yet has to make corrections.

I have a tendency to read fast. Not fast like a those reciters who are fluent but more because I tend to run over my dengung and sometimes my mad. And now my teacher has become more detail and keep correcting me on my lin letters (lam, nun, ain, mim, ro) and all those letters that have shaddahs (sabdu). And sometimes she would use hand gestures for me to follow her tempo like a conductor in the orchestra so i could follow the softness of the ayah that I am reading.

And I notice my heart aches when I read to her tempo. And when I take time and concentration in the letter like that with a shaddah , my heart squeezed. It squeezes in thomping manner. I feel agitated and impatient. Teruk betul aku ni.

This is the same feeling I have when people keep asking me to repeat what i said because they couldn't hear or when someone didn't answer my question or taking too long to answer my question or watching people who do not using shortcutkeys on the keyboard but uses mouse instead or taking a longer route to complete a process when there is a shorter way or anything that is too slow for my liking and also that particularly irritating chat convo I had just a few days ago :P.

And I have no idea why I feel like that when I am suppose to make my reading beautiful. Is it because I feel if I read more I am actually learning more? So I feel that I must rush? But I think my habit is I like things fast. Like I would feel the car in front of me is always slow.

So this is something I need to work on. My agitated heart. If I can read the quran the way my teacher is teaching me to read, i pray that it will help me tame this sebuku daging inside of me.