Al Fatehah

I was in pain yesterday. Unproductive cough and feeling feverish. My head was throbbing and I felt cold. Everything was cold despite the temperature showed 34C.

The children were their boisterous self. In fact so boisterous, Haziq broke one of my picture frames. I just couldn't bring myself to yell at him. Or probably I did. I told him to go to sleep.

I asked lover if I am feeling bad tomorrow can you send the kids to school. He was more concerned that Haziq and him would be late. I sadly retorted that I am in the worst position in my life and cannot afford to be sick, At least I could get an mc if i were working. Despite the throbbing head, I couldn't sleep. Or was it because of the throbbing head, it was hard for me to sleep.

Then morbid thoughts, which usually come now and then when I am feeling down got me. I thought of my own death. The imagination was very detail that I cried. I truly cried to my sleep.

I needed that cry I suppose.

I woke up feeling better at my usual time. Prepared the kids breakfast and no one asked whether I can send the kids to school. I am sending them by the way, thank you.

Then I got a call. Apparently there were numerous missed calls and a message. It was 530 in the morning and there was no number on the screen.

My one and only sibling passed away yesterday. Exactly one year and one month after my mum. He was only 32. Al Fatehah.

Now there is only me and my dad. I am feeling really sad now.