Bloody pee

The medical term for bloody pee is hematuria. Basically if you have hematuria, it means you have blood in your urine.

And this is what Sya is having now.

(I am trying my best not to sound panic in this entry. If you were to hear me read, I would read in a monotone voice and a poker face)

Sya found blood in her urine last Wednesday. She only told me after school, when we were having a nice lunch at the mall. I was hungry but decided that I couldn't eat after that.

She said she kept feeling like peeing too. And it hurts.

Did you have a hard fall?
Did somebody touch you down there?
Hmm could it be menses?

I went to check when she felt like peeing. there was blood alright. I ruled out menses. I think after 24 years of having menses, I should know how menses blood look like and smell like. And also menses blood have certain pattern of flow.

She didn't fall. And no one touched her down there.

I couldn't think properly after that.

Went home and immediately went to the clinic.

Took urine sample which was really hell. She felt like peeing so much, didn't even have time to collect it. Only after the third attempts and gallons of water drunk, was she (I actually) managed to collect a good amount of sample.

Also had to give blood sample.

The samples ruled out infection, stones, kidney dysfunction and don't know what else.

Then had to wait for a few more days for them to incubate the urine sample for microbiology test (I am loosely quoting the terms). Again nothing was found, thus ruling out infection again.

Went for ultrasound to actually check the kidney, bladder, pelvis (I think).

Alhamdulillah no problem was found. It was nerve wrecking watching the scan.

Went for another urine sample.

This morning, the results came out. She has infection. The RBC (red blood count shows >100). damn! i didn't have the results with me now!

Now they are incubating her urine again to determine the culture type. Saturday we will know more Insya Allah.

Since Wednesday, I couldn't think of anything else. I am sure Sya is worried too. She actually mentioned the word death. She questions me carefully and trying to understand the language and my body expression.

If you read up about hematuria. One link HERE., you would know that there are reasons to be worried. Well wouldn't you if you have blood in your urine?

Throughout the short period of time of not knowing what is happening, I tried my best to control my expression and ward off my worried look when I am with Sya. I tried to assure her, Insya Allah, this is nothing and treatable. Make dua' ok. Whereas in my heart, I myself was in deep worry.

Even they have diagnose her with an infection, they also told me that she would be under observation and her urine need to be sampled each month for sometime. For the just-in-case.

And this just-in-case is a reason enough for me to be on my toes, worried. Because this findings may not stop to just a simple infection. More READS.

Please pray for us.

About Teaching

I am enjoying teaching the children (at the weekend school) now, Alhamdulillah. But the challenges are getting bigger. I should have known that to teach just one said subject, requires the knowledge of so many other things to come in.

So it's either you just focus on the notes and read the notes in your hand, or get the students to read one by one, preferably in random, and stopping them at random words and ask the next-not-paying-attention student to read it. This is way easier and safer.

OR you can ramble on from the knowledge you think you have. Sporadically asking them question. Listening to their answers and opinion in their own words to determine their understanding.

I have a tendency to do the latter. Firstly because I don't like the you-read-and-next-you-read style. Secondly maybe because I just err like to talk and tell stories. Thirdly by listening to their answers in their own words I can gauge what level they are in and sort of give me ideas what to concentrate next.

When covering the manners of eating may get me off tangent to the stories of shaytan are our no 1 enemy. It even made me tell the stories of how Shaytan asked Allah permission to come to the people from the front, behind, left and right. From eating to the story of shaytan? I do ramble alot..

But with the more you say, the more questions they have.

They ask question that you wouldn't think anyone would ask. You wouldn't think anyone would ask because you never thought about it yourself. It may caught you offguard. Some you may be able to answer.

Like why you should not poo or pee under the shade of a tree when you are at the outdoors?
Why you should not pee in holes outdoor?
What is a well?
Is that boy your son?

Some you find it harder.

The other day a boy asked me why we only say sallalahhu alaihi wasalam when the mention of Prophet Muhammad and not subhana wa taala when we mention Allah. Err I don't know exactly. I was telling them to say sallalahhu alaihi wasalam, all these while. In the end I don't even really know why we have to do it.

Telan air liur, tebalkan muka and tell them you say it as a respect. But taht's not really answering the question. I will have to check ya. I will come back and tell you later. Went home and made research. That was challenging.

But Alhamdulillah, I have found out and are currently in the midst of telling them. Just giving that lesson sets me off tangent merata-rata sampai cerita Taif where Prophet Muhammad sallalahhu alaihi wasalam was thrown stone at, cerita wife Abu Lahab tabur thorns on the path way of Prophet Muhammad sallalahhu alaihi wasalam, the story of Abu Jahl putting the intestines of camels on Prophet Muhammad sallalahhu alaihi wasalam when he prayed.

In many sense, to teach is actually to learn yourselves. I have only been teaching them a few classes and I feel really the knowledge is too little, sometimes I feel I am not apt to teach.

I was teaching the younger ones to do things starting with the right side. Wear your clothes on the right first. Wear your shoes on the right first. then i realised I myself put things sometimes on the left. *Alamak!*

This is terribly worrying. On a positive note, perhaps it is a good check for myself.

For the teen groups I am facilitating, I had to refuse a few talks. The other facilitators are way stricter than I am. Many things I do not dare to tell the girls yet because I am far from doing them. :(

I am worried.

I worry for dispensing wrong ilm.

I worry mostly that I would be questioned in the yaumul akhirah, the day that no one can help you, the day that you have to answer for yourself. I would be asked why am I telling people to do things while I myself don't do them.
















I am scared.

I ask Allah for wisdom and beneficial ilmu and guidance in my act.

Doubts

I am not sure that whatever I am doing is enough.

Or worse, whether it is even good enough for my children.

I have a feeling that it is not.

Sure they are learning to memorise. learn some dua'. Learn some sunnahs. A bit about some surahs. A bit of what Allah loves and Allah hates.

But how much of those do they really understand. Are they getting the spirit of it? Or is it just academic? Just a matter of knowing but the real ilmu of khoshiah (fear) to Allah is not there?

I am feeling low and overwhelmed and unsure of myself. They need good teachers. Those with real knowledge.

The truth is, I caught Batrisyia lying to me yesterday. Not only lying, but she also uses their (Haziq, jack and hers) pool money to buy chips in her quran school. (The pool money is their contribution for any donation they want to give out). When I found chips in her bag, she told me, her friend gave it to her. Then I found the jar of money in her bag. Well, guess who got caught with her pants down?

I am very upset. Very. And I can't even think straight these two days.

She has this thing about buying jajan. Another emberassing and made-me-angry incident HERE. And she is the only one who sneaked gula-gula to eat in the duvet.

This is a problem to me. because we have opposite personality. I am against jajans and gula-gula. (But my lover, ayoyo.)

I really cannot stand them. But not to deprive them, I do buy good chocolates and reasonably good jajans. And they do get their share. Before you start telling me to chill, let me tell you, sometimes in the school some people will do parties and bring loads and loads and loads of jajan. I don't know why I need to condone by giving her more money to stuff her more.

I am at my end here. I don't know which one am I am most angry. The lies. The taking-the-pool-money or buying the chips murahan.

Breathe.

The first thing I did was err got upset.
Then the next day she has to return the equivalent amount of money back into the jar.
Next, I am still thinking about it. I am still too upset for a heart to heart talk. My upset means I am angry and I am so in the mood to snap at anyone.

I am also feeling low because the real question is, am I doing the right thing? All this business of teaching them... is it even working?

I ask Allah to grant me wisdom in my thoughts and guide me in my actions. May Allah preserve my children in the deen.

Jack on two wheels

Jack has finally able to ride on two wheels. yayy!! On first attempt pulak tu! yayyy!

The only not so yayy thing, I didn't get to witness it. Booo! And no one took pictures. Booo! Well how could they when the camera is always with me. Booo! Eh lover kan ada phone camera. Bleargh!

Anyway, I just realised (actually tak adalah just realise lama dah realise cuma baru terasa), with the voluntary work I am doing, it comes with meetings. And it is usually on weekends. And the activities I do are also on weekends.

Oh well, May Allah shower blessing on these time.

Lover, when I told him I have something in the morning of Friday (Friday is weekend) and also in the evening, was beginning to sulk. And he was planning to sleep away. But i forced him to take the kids out. I also said Zachary need his father to teach him ride the bike. Finally he agreed.

Pastu bangga tak kasi can. Belahlah. :P Pastu rub rub salt on wound lagi kasi orang guilty. I don't want to friend him.

Annyway the children began comparing age of who was the fastest to master the two-wheel bike. Haziq rode at four, jack at five and Sya at six. And then they started squabbling.

I should tell them I only start riding bike at 9 or was it 10. Because we didn't have a bike back then. And even that bike, my dad kutipped it from someone's trash and then he modified it. But after I somewhat mastered it, I tried my dad's basikal tua. It had a palang. I was short and the bike was high for me. So kalau silap langkah, masa brake tak turun cepat-cepat and terlanggar palang tu...adddooiii! *Pengsan* And sometimes, out of riding it so fast, and losing control, I managed to make myself run into hoardings of rusty zinc. Adoi!

And then we bought the mini bicycle. Basikal perempuan tu. And rode the bike dengan sifat keperempuanan. Cycle pun terkepit aje. :P

Come to think of, I cycled everywhere after that. Even on quiet lorongs. Once in a while we had a scare of the notorious pakcik taik. His job is to collect taik from the houses which uses jamban angkut. And the trail of his beca transport can be smelt from far.

And when I was a teenage, we use to cycle bergather-gather on big roads. *Gila ke apa?* Occasionally ada brader2 mengurat and ikut us. But this cause me trouble because my father found out. :P

And my children? Well they got only to cycle certain time of the year because it is so hot here. And I am so lazy to lugged the bicycles into the car and take them to the park.

Is it still safe to cycle in Msia for the kids?

No more a baby

These past few weeks must have been the-week-that-eveything-goes-wrong for Haziq.

He lost his school sweater which lover was most irked. It can still be worn and it is not cheap. CARELESSNYA! Potpetpotpetpotpet

He lost his tumbler for the umpteenth time. Either he breaks it, I don't know how he manage to break it, not one but three tumblers, or he lost the tumblers altogether. Lover said don't buy him anymore. But I bought him one anyway. Along with a Potpetpotpetpotpet.

The other day, I asked Haziq to become our imam. Haziq was very worried though. hahahah. I think I have been hard on him and are always criticising something. Fatihah tak betullah. Too fastlah. I can't hear youlah. This time, he was trying to recite a surah he was memorising, but he forgot half way. And err no one can help him. (I haven't memorised the surah yet). Finishing the solah, his face got really red and he looks like he was going to cry. I felt sorry for him but told him not to worry too much. You are still learning. He said he is very embarrassed. I decided no potpet because he looked sad already.

He had maths exam last week. he said he couldn't finish it. he didn't do the last two pages because he said he had no time. I was a bit angry and told him that 2 PAGES??? is equivalent to perhaps 20 marks. Only and only if you get all right for the ones you answered, then you can get 80. Then he said to me, don't say like that Ibu, you are making me feel bad.

Hmm, he never said that.

You know what, I am seeing changes in haziq actually. If before whenever he gets a scolding he would look sorry for the wrongs he did. Now he look half way sorry and half way angry.

I am not sure if I can finger point this, but I know he is not a baby anymore.

And I need to learn to handle an emerging teen boy.

Maybe less potpet as a start.

Impatience

I think by now my quran teacher can tell what my personality is. Just by listening to me read and correcting me and listening again and yet has to make corrections.

I have a tendency to read fast. Not fast like a those reciters who are fluent but more because I tend to run over my dengung and sometimes my mad. And now my teacher has become more detail and keep correcting me on my lin letters (lam, nun, ain, mim, ro) and all those letters that have shaddahs (sabdu). And sometimes she would use hand gestures for me to follow her tempo like a conductor in the orchestra so i could follow the softness of the ayah that I am reading.

And I notice my heart aches when I read to her tempo. And when I take time and concentration in the letter like that with a shaddah , my heart squeezed. It squeezes in thomping manner. I feel agitated and impatient. Teruk betul aku ni.

This is the same feeling I have when people keep asking me to repeat what i said because they couldn't hear or when someone didn't answer my question or taking too long to answer my question or watching people who do not using shortcutkeys on the keyboard but uses mouse instead or taking a longer route to complete a process when there is a shorter way or anything that is too slow for my liking and also that particularly irritating chat convo I had just a few days ago :P.

And I have no idea why I feel like that when I am suppose to make my reading beautiful. Is it because I feel if I read more I am actually learning more? So I feel that I must rush? But I think my habit is I like things fast. Like I would feel the car in front of me is always slow.

So this is something I need to work on. My agitated heart. If I can read the quran the way my teacher is teaching me to read, i pray that it will help me tame this sebuku daging inside of me.

Jack's Favourite Food

Can you guess the food Jack drew and claimed to be his favourite?

It Rains on the 1st March 2010

Oh Allah, shower upon us abundant of rain, beneficial not harmful1, swiftly and not delayed. Abu Dawood. Al Albani Sahih Abu Dawood

It is raining today. Thunder and lightning.

Back in the year 2006, it rained on 23rd February. I remember this because I blogged. You can still read it HERE.

On the 23rd February, all of us had to rush back to Malaysia because my mother who previously had a violent fit, fell into coma and was admitted into ICU.

It rained the whole day on the 23rd February 2006.

I think since the year 2006, Qtar has never rained at this time of the year.

It's nearly four years since my mum has left us. And so many things have happened since then. Praises all go to Allah for His abundance of mercy.

May Allah shower mercy on her. Expand her grave and shine light in it. May Allah elevate her status and may we all be reunited in Jannah.