What's the Matter?

I am wondering what is happening to me?

I have been crying a lot. I cry over little things. I can cry when I listen. I can cry when I read. I cry when I think.

Sometimes I cry so much, my chest hurts and I have to rub it.

If you know me in real life before, this would be a big surprise for you. For I don't cry easily. I think it must be the old agelah. I use to see old people are the one who cry alot. Yang kalau dulunya macho gangster pun bila dah tu they cry.

It must be the old age.

I think also, the gateway to the crying was since my mum passed away. It did something to my heart.

Yesterday I was preparing a seerah content for the kids. We would be doing kisah Nabi Adam this week.

And I was reading (to prepare them a children version, I need to read adult's version so I can truly tell them with conviction. So I was reading the Quran translation Al Aaraf ayat 19-22 (7:19-22) And also Surah Taha ayat 118-121.

How many time have I read the story of Prophet Adam a.s.. Countless times! Dari kecik I tell you!

But when I read this (Al Aaraf (7:22-24)

So he (syaitan) misled them with deception. Then when they tasted of the tree, that which was hidden from them of their shame (private parts) became manifest to them and they began to cover themselves with the leaves of Paradise (in order to cover their shame). And their Lord called out to them (saying): "Did I not forbid you that tree and tell you: Verily, Shaitân (Satan) is an open enemy unto you?" (22)

They said: "Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers." (23)

(Allâh) said: "Get down, one of you is an enemy to the other [i.e. Adam, Hawwa (Eve), and Shaitân (Satan),]. On earth will be a dwelling-place for you and an enjoyment, - for a time." (24)

And in Taha in this particular ayat (20:121)

Then they both ate of the tree, and so their private parts became manifest to them, and they began to cover themselves with the leaves of Paradise for their covering. Thus did Adam disobey his Lord, so he went astray (121)

I was putting myself in Adam and Eve's position. And I wondered how they felt when they went in their nakedness after tasting the fruit. Kita pun bila buat salah dengan authority pun dah kecut perut. What more with our Creator which was in their vicinity of their dwelling.

When Allah said,"Did I not forbid you of the tree?" Adusss. Imagine the feeling.

And when both of them were sent down to earth. Of course humans will be made vicegerent on earth, but to be sent down because of doing the forbidden thing must be hard.

And Adam and Hawwa seek forgiveness. Allah is merciful and He forgave them.

And I cried myself to sleep. May Allah keep all of us in the straight path and not be astray by the devil. Curse of Allah be upon the devil!

And I also find it hard to blog nowadays. I think too much when I want to write.

So we'll see lah.