Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Ubat to get taller

jackI had to take some antibiotics. This is for the pimples which are actively nesting on my face. *stress*

So this one fine morning I was taking the pill, Jack asked me. What is that ubat for?

I was drinking at that time,and did not answer immediately.

So he assisted and suggested his own answer, "Is it to make you taller?"

WHAT???? I felt like choking water and pill altogether!

First of all, there is no ubat to make you taller. (Or is there?)

And secondly why do I need that? Am I that short?

Err ok no need to answer. :P

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Masya Allah


When I only had Haziq, I bought this book from UKS entitled What do we say by Noorah Kathryn Abdullah. In the book are basic phrases of what we should say when we do certain things. Like saying Bismillah before we begin to eat and end it with Alhamdulillah.

And in the book also I found this, it says to say Masya Allah when we see something nice or when we see something we like.

Wait a minute! Don't we say Masya Allah when we are angry or see something we don't like? Hmm fonkius.

Anyway, that was my first encounter on the word Masya Allah. But then I rarely used the word back then.

Until I came over here. People often use Masya Allah. You do something good. Masya Alah. You look good (ehem ehem), Masya Allah. So now I am used to use Masya Allah when I praise or when I see something I like. In fact I also learned that when we praise someone, you should say Masya Allah and add it with tabarakallah or Allahumma Bareek. Not only that you are giving recognition that All good things come from Allah, but it is indeed one way to ward off evil eye out of your envy to the person you are praising (another topic perhaps).

So I was surprised when I went for Hajj with my Malaysian friends. They reminded me of how I used to use Masya Allah when I am angry. I really didn't know how to tell them because tak nak nampak macam makcik berleter. Ya Rabb May You guard and guide my tongue.

But nak jadikan cerita, sometime over there some makcik arab would come near us and said Masya Allah. We must have been doing something good. Masya Allah my lady friends. Sometime in the apartment. Elsewhere too.

But the last straw was in masjid nabawi. We were discussing something from the Quran, someone came near us, looked at us and said Masya Allah. Miss L, finally said. What did we do wrong?

I asked, "Err what do you mean?"
Why are they saying Masya Allah all the time?


So I told them..

Anyway akademik meaning dia is "As Allah may wish" Used on happy occassion, reflecting a Muslim's total surrender to divine will. This phrase is used when admiring or praising something or someone, in recognition that all good things come from God and are blessings from Him.

"So," they asked, "They are not angry at us lah?"
No they are not. (I think kita ni selalu ingat orang arab ni nak marah kita agaknya)In fact they are praising you.

And I added, "Remember when we were at Raudhah, and you were not happy people are pushing you?"
Uhuh, they replied.
"And you retorted and you said, "Please stop pushing! Masya Allah!!". I think they are confuse, ko marah dia ke ko puji dia. Sebab tulah they kept pushing you."

kih kih kih.

"habis! Habis! Habis!" my friends said, "What do we say if we angry or not happy?"

Errr I don't know lah.

or tell them to istighfar?
Or perhaps if you feel that you are going to blow up, you can say, Audzubillahhi minah shaytoni rojim?
Maybe you can tell me.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Masih Lagi Orang : Panama

These videos reminded me of when I was initially not accepted to go for hajj. I can still remember the anxiety waiting for the sms by the hajj comittee. And finally to hear that I was not accepted by them.

I can't describe the feeling for the lack of good words. I was blanketed in loss of the chance of the greatest ibadah of not being able to go for hajj. To fulfill the fifth pillar. That my age is increasing. And I could die anytime. And that I need the hajj. That my heart is there and I need to be there too.

At the same time I know this is Qadr Allah and that everything is a test. Indeed. It gives me different perspective of things. Got money. Got health. Got mahram. Got means. Got help. Want to go. All means are there. If Allah wills otherwise, then it is otherwise. From the start He is the best planner.

And when turn of events happen, I appreciate the acceptance more. Syukur! Syukur! And the semangat was overwhelming! Even thinking of those times, made me feel bersemangat.

I remembered watching this move, panggilan kaabah (apparently this is not the title. This is the title of the famous nasyid. :P apa title cerita ni ah?), or something. Acted by fauziah Nawi and perhaps Abu Bakar Omar (kot?). Anyway the wife wanted to go for hajj so much. But the husband was lax about it. Tak sampai seru kinda thing. Wifey makes dua and save up her money. She worked really hard. Doing kebun work or something like that. Oh ya, setting : kampung.

And she was always crying. Sebab tak taulah macamana nak dapat pergi haji. Sebab hubby tak nak pergi.

And then turn of event, hubby nak pergi. And they begin their preparation.

And still she cries of the thought of seeing the kaabah with her own eyes. And the thoughts of hajj itself. Fauziah Nawi memang terer part ni. Masya Allah.

That crying, I didn't get it before. What's with all the cries?

But now, it's a different story. Praises to the One who changes the heart. Praises are all to Allah!

Siapa tau tajuk cerita tu?

May Allah make it easy for brother Ray.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

More Orang : Japan

I am very touched with this video. May Allah make it easy for the ummah to live the deen.

It overwhelms me to see the daawah effort in a place where we (I) would think is impossible for Islam to reach. Their strive and strength overwhelm me. May Allah reward them with abundance of goodness.

May Allah bring guidance to more people.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


The hajj package I went with are mixed of majority arabs, some indians (very few) and second majority are Malaysians (50 of us). So we Malaysians were that many, we can fit into one bus.

And I suppose just as there were challenges going with your same people, there are challenges going with others too. Particularly when we don't speak the same language. I like to pick my battles though. Like I would chose not to rebutkan the washing machine. There was only one to be shared with hundreds. Or like my friend she wakes up at 230 just so she can use the machine without having to main chop chop with others. I chose to basuh pkai tangan aje.

Or i would chose to take my shower at 330 in the morning when I was at Mina. So I don't have to hear people knocking at my door, "Yala! yala! Suru'ah! Suru'ah!" shouting for me to come out quickly.

And be polite. And one can always learn the word, i am sorry in arabic and use it when needed. But that does not mean you should let them pijak your head and take your space in the van. :P. That's the only battle I really picked. I really ran for the van I tell you. Tak kasi can punya. Tertinggal van kalu, haru, silap-silap kena jalan kaki balik.

I am glad I am taking the arabic class. Even though it is too little to be able to make a decent conversation. But I did befriend with a few of them. Walaupun cakap macam ayam itik. :P

And everywhere you see muslims from all over the world. I personally think it's a wonderful sight. Regardless some of the things they do may not be comprehensible or according to OUR norm. Silap-silap our norm yang pelik in their eyes. But the fact that they are Muslims who some of them made a lot of sacrifice to make hajj is already an overwhelming feeling by itself. Subhanallah!

I saw some group from China. based on the language they spoke which sound like mandarin. Like the classic china movie. Most of them are old. But mind you, way fitter than, uhuk uhuk, me. We found buses from Russia. And some lorries also from Russia modified into caravan like buses. Subhanallah! We saw so many colours. So many nationalities. All are there to respond to Allah's call.

saudi saudi

And we do share common language. Give salam and say hajj mabrur, insya Allah. I think at least you can get a free du'a also. :D

Reminds one of this ayah, Hajj 22:27
And proclaim to mankind the Hajj (pilgrimage). They will come to you on foot and on every lean camel, they will come from every deep and distant (wide) mountain highway (to perform Hajj).(27)

saudiAnyway, so I befriended a makcik arab ni. I learned a few arabic words. Fil ful artinya pedas. She learned a few english words. husband artinya zauj. She also learn the word Good very good. And we exchanged du'a here and there. At one time she even made ruqya on me and asked me to do the same to her. We joked. Which is amazing because we spoke like ayam itik. There can always be something funny when you say Cluck cluck cluck and quack quack quack. or mix of all of it. Cluck quack cluck quack. Hahahhaha.

One day, Allah made me chanced on this ayah. And I recited the ayah to her. Al Hujurat 49:13

O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allâh is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa. Verily, Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Aware. (13)

While I slowly read it from the quran, she dengan bersahajanya continued the ayah for me. She was so happy to hear the ayah and hugged me. To this I said, "haiya! Dua! Dua!"

Du'a is also a common word among us Muslims.

I want to share two video clips. About some people from Xian preparing to go to hajj.

Really I am humbled to Allah.

Monday, December 14, 2009


Subhanallah! It rained in Mina on the 8th Dzulhijah. Cats and dogs and all animals. Thunder and lightning.

The tell tale signs were there. When we were in Makkah, the dark clouds peeked now and then. In fact when I did my umrah (Hajj tamattu'), the weather was very pleasing and there were big clouds shading the sun. Alhamdulillah.

And when it rained in Mina, I felt so blessed. Earlier on, anticipating rain, the "engineers" among us tied up a few loose ends of the tent. And when it rained, our side, I must say, was a bit more secure. And because we had to shift places a few times, we actually escaped the spot where not only it leaked but there were mini waterfall there.

saudiStill, even though the tent was fire proof, it is not bocor proof. So being the genius that we are, we used brollies in the tent.

We reminded each other to take the opportunity to make dua during the rain (one of the times that dua is most maqbul). And there we were, sitting in the tent in Mina on the 8th Dzulhijah with brollies, making dua.

It was really nice.

And the days after that was wonderful, adding pleasantness throughout our hajj journey. I thank Allah for the rain. I believe this has made everything so much easier. Praying in Arafah was pleasant. The stay in Mudzalifah was not sticky. The long walk Mudzalifah-Mina-Makkah was cooling. And there were shades of clouds everywhere.

saudiHowever, the day we were going back to Doha, I found out what really happen in the outside world when it rained that day. Apparently there were devastation in Jeddah. There were fatalities. Loss of live. Loss of properties. Subhanallah! From the newspaper report I saw, it was almost like a tsunami. With cars mangled on top of each other! Cars flatten beyond recognition! slabs on road surfaces! Bridges toppled! People drowned caught in the flood water!

Inalillahhi wainna Ilaihi rojiun. may Allah replace their loss with something better.

Subhanallah. I was shocked. Now I understood why my dad, when I called him after ifadah, asked me whether I was caught in the flood. Flood? What flood? The only thing I saw was some raised water at a car park. But that is a normal scene in the middle east countries - the countries that has no drainage system. And my friend was saying, "Laa patutlah kawan aku tanya ko tak kena banjir ke?" And when he asked, "What banjir" The other person said, "Ko ni pergi ke tak haji ni?"

Pardon me, I have not been following any news at all throughout hajj.

Subhanallah! Allah with His power can give blessings and tests to whomever He wants.

I really do not know what to feel or say or write. I thank Allah for His bounties but I feel sorry that for the same bounty I received was a big test to others. Qadr Allah. All in Allah's wisdom. Who can tell whether for any bounty you receive is also a test for someone else? And for the test you receive, someone else is receiving some rizq. Or the law may not even apply. Allah knows best. To Him belongs all Dominion.

Oh Allah shower upon us abundant rain beneficial not harmful, swiftly and not delayed.
(Abu Dawood. See al albani sahih abu Dawood)

One of the dua's you can make when it rains.

Similar post I wrote once HERE.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Fourth Year

Today, the 12th December 2009, is our fourth year here residing in Doha. Alhamdulillah. Yes time flew fast. And even though many times, I do not know where my time went, but I think it has been quite a full four years of my life.

I looked back at those times, because I kept some memories in the blog. The building up towards 12th december 2005. I do feel the sadness of leaving and I still understand why I was sad the way I was.

Even though there were not many posts in December 2005, mainly because I did not have the computer nor the internet, I still remembered the emotional time of my first few months staying here.

It was relatively hard because we did not have a car back then and public transports sucks. But Mr Drive Fast and Ms Fashion designer helped us alot. And we are thankful for that. But many times we find ourselves waiting for the cab with loads of plastic bags in the cold.

But it was a nice adventure for the family.

I also remembered because of the time difference between Malaysia and Doha, which is 5 hours difference, my children would be pooped out by 7p.m. which is essentially 12 midnight in Malaysia. Thus they were always sleeping in the shopping trolley because we had to shop for basic essentials. And we can only do it when lover come back home after work.

But the kids were ok about it.

And despite the "adventure", we can talk about it and smile. And secretly I am relieve that my children go through some tough time. It sort of builds one's character. Thinking back, it was too little to complain.

And also because we took the cab so much, I know some part of the road and could actually assist some newbies taxi drivers.

My first few months was filled perhaps with sadness, anger, boredom and yet thrill of a new possible adventure in this new country.And most of all, despite the argument, I am thankful that we the whole family are together. And because I am a very independent person thus an independent mum, wife and woman, I need to have my husband with me. I know myself too well...

Even though not all are spelt in the blog, but I can still remember them. All kind o emotions were building up towards my mum admittance to the ICU which was followed by her death. May Allah forgive her. May Allah elevate her status. And may we all be reunited in Jannah.

It was perhaps a big turn after her death for me.

Why do I need to put up an entry of my fourth year. Well it is because I should be packing back to Malaysia and looking forward to my career or whatever that is left of what I had.

My lover's contract is done. However, he is renewing it Insya Allah. It is still not signed yet and no hard pressed discussion has been made. But going back is not the highest priority of choice at this moment.

As for me, if I cried buckets that we had to move to Qtar, I will cry even berkolah-kolah air mata if we had to leave now.

If in my first year, I had trouble connecting with people, now Allah has send me many friends whom I love for the sake of Allah. I like to keep myself busy and Alhamdulillah Allah has allowed me to be busy. And I love the sebok-sebokkan diri. May Allah put barakah in my time.

Understandably, this is not the country that I want to reside forever. Thus I pray to Allah, if He wills us not to stay here, to take us to a land where my family can preserve their deen and that there will be goodness for us there.

I think I was also 5 kilos lighter.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Since we are placed in separate room in both Mekah and madinah. Eh also Mina and Arafa. We hardly see each other. But Alhamdulillah we live in technology era and have phone with us, we can say hi just by calling or smsing. We can gaduh by sms also. Tak ada I tak gaduh dengan dia tau. Err..

But sometimes we meet up to get air tebu together. Ada jual air tebu near our hotel in Mekah. Yayyy! Or we went to get Saudi KFC called Al Baik. or pergi beli pisang. Or beli biskut-biskut. Or just to minum teh panas. he he. This is mainly after the umrah but before hajj time (hajj tamattu')

Call : Buat apa tu? Jom minum air panas sat.
Call : Awak nak makan apa ya? Nak saya bungkus tak?
Call : Awak dah dinner belum? Makan kat bawah jom.
Sms : Asal awak sombong dengan saya? Dah ada kawan baru tak mo layan kita ya? I dont want friend you.
Sms : Morning adzkar. Don't forget.
Sms : Pukul berapa turun naik van?
Sms : Saya ada masalah. Kentut saya busuk. Macamana nak kentut ni ramai orang dalam bilik.
Sms : Jumpa kat toilet no 8.
Sms : Pukul berapa nak jumpa?
Sms : 715
Sms : Lambatnya
Sms : kasi canlah
sms : pukul 7 lah
sms : Lecehlah awak ni! Saya jalan sendirilah.
Sms : ok 710

He he. Macam dating pulak.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009


I didn't have trouble sleeping when we first reached Makkah. But I didn't pay much attention to it.

Until some of my housemates claimed that they couldn't sleep well. Perhaps it's a new place. Less comfortable bed.

saudi saudi
My room sharing with 9 others.
The view in the morning outside my window. We stayed at Jabl Noor. Very near to Gua Hiraq.

To this I exclaimed, "Alhamdulillah! I have no problem sleeping at all. Letak je kepala terus tidur."

And qadr Allah, that very night I couldn't sleep a wink. I tossed and turned and still could not sleep. After sometime I remembered what i said during the day. I actually thought to myself, was there a hint of kerekness (takabur) in my words? Was saying Alhamdulillah not sufficient? Did I say Alhamduilillah because it is just logical to say it in the sentence? Was I really thankful that I could sleep? Because, man, sleep is definitely a nikmah especially at that time.

A closer self inspection, perhaps I did have a hint of kerekness when I said I could sleep. Perhaps I was saying, ahh miskeenahnya, tempat lain sikit aje tak boleh tidur. Aku ok aje. Allah knows best what is in my heart.

Having said that, I sometime wonder about me writing in this blog.

Whether it's ok or not.


I asked forgiveness from Allah. I ask Him to allow me to sleep..

And that night was sufficient for me to be more aware of this nikmah of sleeping. I was worried of course because if I find it hard to sleep when the bed is comfortable, what about when I am in Mudzalifah, on hard ground, in a sleeping bag, and in a group of people. What about Mina where I will be sharing with more than a hundred people, pelbagai bangsa dan pelbagai ragam? And if Allah chose to make me not able to sleep for the rest of the journey, it will affect my ibadah. The whole purpose of me being there.

saudi saudi saudi
The tilam lenyek in my mina tent. Took the picture when I was alone in the tent.
And the huge aircondition in the tent.
In my first class accommodation in Mudzalifah. I am probably sending out or reading sms from the phone

And what does worry make one to become? Reliance on Allah.

The night when I slept at Mudzalifah (particularly), I asked Allah to make it easy for me. I asked Allah to allow me to sleep. To seal my ears like He sealed the ears of the youth in the cave.

Praises go to Allah, Allah allows me to sleep on all occasions. Waking up sometimes in the night, but woke up feeling that I had sufficient rest. Syukur my Lord for the nikmah.

I am taking a break from my classes and such for perhaps a week. I am coughing. Lover had a day mc. The children are taking turns having fever. But Alhamdulillah I can have this time introspecting myself. My journey. My actions.

A lot of work still.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Dream Hajj

Even more than a holiday, one should have a dream hajj.

And what would a dream hajj be? Irregardless of package one chooses (I have no qualm with expensive package), one's dream hajj should be the one who follows the hajj that our Prophet s.a.w. did as he clearly said, "Take from me your rites of pilgrimage."

However, not all hajj package organiser or we call it hamlah, are eager to follow the same rite. It is very likely that most would opt to take the very minimal of the rite and would exercise fully any exemption allowed to ease their operation. Even though many of the exemptions do not necessarily be allowed to be carried out on the pilgrims in the group. :(

And thus, needless to say, one really needs to arm oneself with knowledge particularly on how our prophet s.a.w. did his hajj. Compare this to the hamlah's "hajj rites" thus you can plan ahead. Talking to the people who went in the same hamlah previuosly helps. Take note of this if you are going when you are young and strong (relative) particularly man who are going single. Most exemptions are given to woman (and thus the mahram has to follow) and the weak. Single young men generally do not fall n this category.

Reiterating what everyone has already said, young is the time to go. Mainly because you don't know whether you can even get to the old age and also because of the physical requirement needed during hajj.

Having said that, the biggest challenge would be, you'll probably be among the strange one who are crazy to follow strictly on the rites as prescribed by our prophet s.a.w. Thus be ready to be the ghuraba and break from your group. Breaking from the group means you would be deprived from the main transportation. Thus be ready for extra physical exertion throughout hajj. May Allah give us strength and health when we do something for His sake and in obedience to His Messenger s.a.w. And on top of that Allah is the one who can make difficult things easy for you.

Unfortunately also, in the eagerness of doing ibadah, some tend to exert themselves to ibadah which does not follow the sunnah. Thus putting them at risk of wasting time and effort with ibadah that is rejected. And also, I find some doing things not in the sunnah leaving completely the wajib rite.

‘A’isha reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: He who innovates things in our affairs for which there is no valid (reason) (commits sin) and these are to be rejected. Muslim and Bukhari.

In short, a dream hajj should be following all the rites and guidelines as prescribed by Allah in the Quran and also the actions and sayings of Rasulullah s.a.w.. And the ultimate factor is, to whom are we doing all these for.

All said and done, I still know too little. I pray that Allah accept all my ibadah and my deeds. I pray that Allah accept my umrah and hajj. And that it will not be a wasted effort. I pray that Allah accept my dua. And I pray also that Allah grant hajj mabrur to all the pilgrims.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Tak Rindu Ke?

Praises go to Allah whom has made it easy for me and my husband to go through one of the most important and demanding ibadah.

One of the things I asked Allah was that he made it easy for me. And syukur to Him, that I didn't find things too difficult or perhaps He made me see difficult things easy. Allah knows best. One of the things I asked also to take care of my heart and my children's heart so we don't suffer throughout this separation.

Yes I cried and they cried when I finally bade farewell. The Fath's children cried too. Loi Loi who didn't cry exclaimed, "I feel like crying". Sya was the one most affected I must say. Haziq and Jack cried quietly.

However, Alhamdulillah, when I was there and each time I made calls to them, they seem ok and cheerful. Sya would blabber about her good marks and Haziq would sound like a robot and replied each time without fail that he is doing his homework when I asked him what he was doing. Jack would always rush through the conversation telling me that he has to go either to poop or pee or play something important.

This is in contrast to some other mummies with young children in my room. I shared with nine others (all Malaysians). The kids would be crying. This will be followed by the mum and there would be lots of consoling and more cries. And we mothers would console each other.

The build up towards hajj days get even worse. When even the idea of death are raised by the children. Its heart wrenching. Truly as the days to the actual hajj days (nearing 8th Dzulhijjah) became nearer, I got more nervous and I suppose everyone was. And the cries from the children affected the moms greatly.

I contemplated to call my children. I did anyway just because I am a mother who likes to trouble herself.

But my children are just the same happy children. Sya blabbered. Haziq doing his homework. And Jack was playing.

I received reports from my friend concerning my children through sms and Alhamdulillah, the reports confirmed that they are doing fine. I was relieved even though I did ask myself, aik tak rindu ibu ke?

But on a bigger scale, I think it helped me through Hajj. It made my heart content and it helped me to stay focus. Despite wondering whether they rindu me or not, I thank Allah that I don't have to spend my time with extra crying worrying about my children.

So I came home yesterday at 4 in the morning. The Faths picked me up. I told them not to wake the kids yet for they have school that day. Mr fath sent them to school as usual. I told him not to tell the kids that I am back. I had to go all the way and tell other mummies not to tell my kids and also their kids that I am back. So that they won't spoil the surprise. He he. I am going to surprise them when I picked them up in school later.

I almost had butterflies in the tummy waiting for afternoon to come.

As i walked through the school compound, I bumped into haziq first who greeted me with a shock and calmly hugged me tight. He looked a bit cengkung in the cheeks. He also looked almost adultish. I can almost see his strength in shouldering responsibilities.

By the way, I was told by my friends later, how he handled the incident of Jack falling. Jack fell down. He didn't break his crown though. Just perhaps a little scratch and a bruised ego. Haziq rushed to him. Asked where he is hurt. Sya also came to him. Then Haziq picked him up and carried him to the bed. Sya put a blanket on him. They consoled him. Then Jack slept.

Jack woke up one hour later as cheerful as ever. Haziq told me this fact.

I am proud of Haziq. I think he really took in the role as the big brother and handled his siblings well. I asked Allah to blanket him (and my children) with hidayah.

syaBack to the surprise pick up story, Sya came around a few minutes after and upon seeing me already have tears in her eyes. I opened my arms and she hugged me tightly and cried.

I made a special doa for Sya. Because I think of all my children I am probably hardest on her. Perhaps I have certain expectations, she being a girl. I don't know. Or perhaps I worry that she will be like me. And just like any parent, I want her to be better than me. And she being a girl, I expect her to embrace knowledge even more. But sometimes, I am too hard on her. Even though I do not want her to be like me, I treat her like as if she is me. *shameful*

I hugged her and kissed her and told her I love her. I am happy to see my girl who is still little. I wiped her tears and said I am here with you. Took her hand to go for Jack.

And Jack. He saw me and ran to me and jumped on me and basically was stuck on me for a long time. These all happened in front of his teacher. She actually said to me, "Finally!" as if she is so relieved. She said, Jack is less focus and not as cheerful. Ya ka tu?

And that night, we had dinner at Faths. Jack who was so busy playing, intermittently came to me either to report how well he played, or how he kept losing, or to kiss me, or to hug me or just to touch me.

And another round of tears from the children when they hugged their father.

Rindu jugak dia orang kat ibu dia ya.

Our hearts and prayers go out to the children who lost their parents. May Allah preserve them and protect them and replace them with something better.