Saturday, December 10, 2005


This is not fair. So not fair. Shout out loud! Not fair!

I am still gloating over my perfect teeth. With or without retainer, at the moment, I deserve this feel good. Don't I. At any chance I got (eating time) I would flash my teeth. I would remind people that I am not wearing braces anymore. *FLASH TEETH! BIG GRIN!*

And today, today I am cast with this thing. This thing called cold sore. Why do they call it cold sore anyway, when it is hurting mad and blistering hot. Here look here, these ugly boils at the corner of my lips.

It is not enough that I had to suffer for years enduring the pain of the braces tightened.

It is not enough that I have to brave myself to eat during these pain. If there is such award of "The most determined person to eat through pain, that would be me.

It is not enough that I had to suffer blisters each time my kids knocked their head to that area. Blisters will worsen to ulcers. Make screw up face just thinking about it.

It is not enough that I had to go through this retainer emberassing myself with slurpy speech and dribbling.

And now, I must have cold sore. Ugly, ugly cold sore.

I remembered the first time I had cole sore.That was when I lost my cold-sore virginity. I didn't know what it was. My good friend Aowyn, the redhead Scottish, went around saying Lollies has herpes, Lollies has herpes. Herpes? Oh shit where did I get that from?

Scientifically cold sore is known as herpes simplex. It is also a cousin to chicken pox which is herpes something , I forgot

Anyway, today is Friday. Look at fingers counting the days. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday Three more days to the day of my flight. I plan to look good. I bought a Zara suede jacket. And I swear I look good in striped shirt and an A-line skirt with ankle boots. Wouldn't I look good on the day I'm flying off? You agree?

With perfect teeth some more.

Only to be spoilt by cold sore!

Well I guess there are two ways to look at it.

One : I could have it even when I have braces on, and that is definitely double whammy

Two : At least the cold sore is now when the braces are off. So cold sore on good teeth is not too bad.

Let's choose number two. Just to make me happy.

On another note. This is perhaps my last entry as I am cutting off my line tomorrow. Just hope I got a line quickly so I can see all of you again.

If you miss me that much, you can read up all my past entries. And if that is not enough you can look at some photos HERE.

Will definitely miss you. Take care meanwhile. And you'd better be blogging when I am back!

GRIN and WAVES frantically.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Brace(s off) Myself

Well well well whaddayaknow. I've got my braces off last Tuesday!!

So you don't know what I am talking about eh?

I have been wearing braces, for my teeth, that is, for more than two years now. This was for no other purpose other than the vanity in me. But for two very long years I have been going around, scaring little children with my smile. Some people have plastic smile. I had an iron smile or steel smile or a robot smile.

But now no more braces. Woo hooo. Smile with me people.

Errr..did I tell you though that I still have to wear something on my teeth. The retainer. I had no idea that retainer is like wearing dentures. You know with that plastic palate. Urrggghh! I hate it! I nearly puke putting that thing on! I was going around feeling like puking.

Anyway, I had to wear the retainer all the time except when I eat and brush my teeth. So if any of you want to meet up with me, you'd see me without the retainer for I am sure meeting equates to eating. Eating is no no for retainers.

And worst, I can't speak properly when I wear them. It's like I have a short tounge or something. I can't speak fast as well..for no one can understand me. This drive me crazy! So I was babbling and babbling to my lover, and he had no clue what I am talking about. Grrrrrrr!

So now new teeth for brand new life eh? I shall brace myself to the future ahead with sparkling perfect alligned teeth. I will smile and bare it to all, full of confident and will look perfect as an expat's wife. The lady of leisure I am.

Eh, I forgot I must wear the retainer at all times! Duhhh!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

My Helper

Again many ask what would I do with my helper, now that we are going to Q@tar. I wanted to bring her there. I even told her on the possibilities. Alas, the ruling there was, Indonesian maids can only work for the Q@taris and no other nationalities. So, no luck on both of us.

She was my first helper. I remembered the jitters waiting for a helper to come. Anyway, you'd probably remember my entry of my Pep Talk with her on her first day with me. I had numerous other talks with her after that too. Initially it was once a week, than once a month, than whenever the need arises. It will evolve on instructions on the things she need to do or that she has done wrong or even how she find her stay here.

It's all a learning experience for me, for her and also for my children.

As for me, I had to learn to live in the lack of privacy. My lover couldn't just walk around without his shirt on and just boxers. I couldn't cook in my birthday suit. No more adventure in the kitchen and what nots. Privacy is just not there.

But my another bigger tasks are my kids. I am amazed at how kids learn to be the prince and princess in just a short while. One morning, I saw Haziq having his breakfast while my helper put his school shoes on for him. Enough that my helper helped put his bags in my car and all, but having see her squat and put his shoes on while he eat, somehow ticked me. That very night both of them are summoned upstairs. She, my helper, being told not to treat Haziq like a king. Haziq being instructed to take his bag downstairs, put it in the car, put on his shoes and be ready for me, on time! "And if Ibu see bibik putting on your shoes for you, both of you will get a smack from me!"

I also overheard Batrisyia shouting at my helper to put on the TV for her while she lie down on the couch in front of the TV and the remote is just reachable. Suffice to say, that she didn't get to watch TV for an hour, and had to put it on by herself from then on.

It was also an experience for my helper. Remember my posting about her first bash from the bitch next door? (Clicklah kalau nak baca. dengan yang ini)

Within seven months, all have understood my rulings and everything looks good. Batrisyia probably reminded my helper of her own daughter back in Indonesia. It's a pity that her stay with us is just for a short while. She is a good helper. I am not a fussy employer either.

Sometimes I think she doesn't have anything to do at all. Particularly when I am back from work. The general rulings are, the kids are mine once I got home. I will bathe them myself and I will feed all of them myself. She can help clear things up later.

One night I saw her reading "Mastika". She got it from my parents. Hmmmfff. So I bought her magazines. Carefully selecting that the contents at least has some intelligent provoking ideas. No romance, no skimpy clothes girl, mostly religion. I bought her story books. All Malay books. I even buy her Utusan sometimes. Last week I saw her reading Haziq's Muqaddam. The one with translation. Which is fine.

She is good. If you are fussy, you may find faults. But otherwise, she is really a good helper. She takes care of the kids fine. And she is not "gatal". (err horny?) She likes to cook too, except that I do most of the cooking. So she tried her hands on desserts, which is yummy. But I had to tell her to stop, fearing that my children (and myself) will get fat.

Many wanted her, knowing that I couldn't take her to Qatar. After discussions with her, we finally agreed that she go with my friend, of whom her helper had ran away with a man. My helper wanted a household with young children, to keep her busy with their little quirks.

I will send her off on Sunday, a day before I leave for Qatar. I pray that things will go well for her. I pray that she will earn enough to give a better life for both herself and her daughter. And also hope, her future employer,( I understand that she reads my blog sometimes) will take good care of her and treat her well.

I am thankful that in her short stay with me, I had a peace of mind. It's not easy to find a good helper nowadays.

Sunday, December 04, 2005


First of all, I feel sorry for my closestest (super superlative for close) friend. They won't be able to comprehend my behaviour the past few weeks or perhaps months. You see when I am bitter, instead of moping and garnering sympathy, I got angry. I snapped at people whom I loved most, and I got wind up on small issues. Criticising everything, I made them feel not appreciated.

Don't look at me in the eyes my friend. Just hug me and leave me. Leave me with my quirky behaviour.

I don't want you to see me cry.

I am missing you already.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

I am Such A Friggin' Emo

This last few days in the office is making me really emo. Have been going for numerous lunches, breakfast, taking opportunity raya at people's hosues and saying goodbyes, calling people to my house and saying goodbyes.

All these goodbyes and kisses and hugs are making me even more difficult to swallow the big lump in my throat and cry as the days of my departure is getting nearer. I am so friggin' emo, am I not?

When I first moved to this new office, (Read my clever way of hiding secret stuff during movement here In Disguise), I was supposed to get a room. But of course in a big organisation, bureaucracy and budget allocation can slow things down. So only now that they are starting the office renovation. ONLY NOW! And yesterday I had to move my computers (so I can maintain blogging in the office. I don't do any real work here anymore) to a temporary corner while they make a room out of my cubicles.

So I was staring at it while they ripped my cubicle off naked. And I got friggin' emo.

People in the office are coming to me asking for my flat 17" monitor. One of them wanted my Altec Lansing speakers and subwoofer. They are now arguing over my vacant room which has windows. One of them already wrote necessary letters to ensure that he got my parking spot. And I got friggin' emo.

But it's okay, I am alright with all those. They are giving me presents also. I even got a 200GB external hard disc. Wah lau wei! Am I not the favourite rose here in the office?

Anyway, I couldn't stand it yesterday, listening to the wrecking, drilling and sitting through dust in the office being emo and all. I forced a friend for lunch. A friend who is outside my office world. I had lunch at KLCC even! I just need to get out of the office and I also wanted to see this guy before I go off. Mana tau boleh tap sikit berkat yang ada kat dia.

I was having lunch listening to his amazing stories and that's when my office mate smsed me. She said today is her last day for she is talking a one week leave. She wanted a last hug with me but I was out lunching and still lunching at three. She said something off mintak maaf jika diau ada buat aku terasa and all. And I lost all my machoness and my eyes got warm and watery. Focus Lollies! Focus! You don't want this guy to see you crying. Perhaps my lunch mate find me crazy and wondered what's with me. Sorrylah, I am just friggin' emo.

Then I went back to the office to find more presents waiting for me. Two beautiful coloured recipe books from a few of my office mates. I stayed for a bit and ran off driving around Damansara, Kelana Jaya and god knows where. I didn't even punch out yesterday. I was that friggin' emo.

In attempt to divert my mind's off this emo stuff, showed my friend some pictures off my camera. I showed his some art sculpture thing I devised out of two little patung kecil. One boy and one girl in a very compromising positions. Pornographic for some to be shown here.

And finally we were both convinced that I was supposed to be born as a boy. My parents must have secretly wished that they had a boy as their first child but had a beautiful girl instead. And the fact that the baby was beautiful, they thanked God and raised me accordingly.

I am running away at the slight notion of losing machoness, I cannot handle emotion well, I am mixing with the guys more than girls and they think I am their best friend, I like certain art too :-P. Could it be that emotionally, I am a man?

But that's only myth about man kan? Don't mind me, a friggin' emo person. They can't think rationally anyway