Friday, January 31, 2014

A Mother's Job

I heard a mother said to her child, "Why can't you be like so and so? She has memorise so much of the Quran! You have done nothing."

Also, "Why can't you be more helpful like so and so. He helps his mum wash the dishes!"
Why can't you study more and score more like so and so, she alsways score.
Why can't you be more like so and so.....
And the list goes on.

First of all, comparing your child to someone else's is really unbecoming. It is as though you do not appreciate what you have and on top of that, this is the breeding ground for hasad on the child.

I have seen the hateful eyes or the resentment of a child who is probably compared by the parents so much to another child. All I can say, teach your kids adzkar from early on. May Allah protect.

There is another thing I like to point out too. It is most likely that when you see someone else's child seems to have a particular talent is because they have spend a considerable time practising it.

Someone who has memorise alot goes through actually sitting down memorising, revising old ones, hardship of remembering it, difficult times of forgetting it, cries, joys, sacrifice of their time for something else.

Someone who is good in swimming actually goes through years and years of practising it many times every week, muscle pain, feet cramps, cold, sacrificing time for other leisure for practising.

Someone who helps their mother in household chores means they have to be nagged, shouted at, preached, scolded for doing wrong, sacrificing their computer time for something dreadful like this.

And on the pinnacle of this is the mother who plans and plans, and implement, and analyse whether her plans are working, and finding other ways to improve, and the nagging, and the frustration, and the joys and sacrifice her OWN leisure time. It is very likely she has to drive to other side of town to find the best sheikh, the best swimming class, her time to look over the school work, her time to make research.

With Allah's help, prayers and her effort, Allah may or may not allow the favour to be given to her child, and she may continue to plan and try and plan and try and nag and pray harder.

What the rest of us see, is only the fruits of their labour.

And thus I do not think, it is reasonable that a mother make comparison between her child to others, if she has not gone through the very same process. If there is anyone she wants to blame, she can blame herself. (But it's never too late).

Stop comparing your child and others. Instead, put effort that we can raise our child as Allah leases. Observe his talent, prioritise the balance of dunya and akhirah and scout for ways. Ask Allah for tawfiq and hidayah that He gives you idea of how to go on. And you supervise the path. Be ready to lose your own leisure, ready for hard times, ready to motivate them, know when to push and when to motivate. It all requires effort. For even a ball to roll, it needs to be pushed.

And if Allah has favour you and your child for whatever success that He bestows, He is to be praised and thank. Masya Allah, la hawla quwwata illa billah.

A mother's video.

What the boy said about giving the present of his Quran memorisation to his mother after her effort in instilling Quran to him simply makes me cry. May Allah preserve all of them.