I am here

I am here. You cannot imagine how thankful I am that we all are here.

When I was here pulling strings to come back home, everyone here in malaysia had their fair share too.

My mum was and is still in coma.

She had a very badly infected leg which somehow had triggered her bad fever. This led to fit and was in a state of coma. When she was admitted, her condition was considered not stable. Her heart beat was getting lower while her blood preesure was getting higher. Her kidneys are not functioning and she is still on the dialysis. She needed assistance to breathe, thus the machine.

The doctor felt that her infected legs must be amputated. Perhaps the only way to save her. Having said that they certainly took a long time to do this. Her condition worsen. My aunts were shouting and my uncle had to pull string to get this done. My dad, I was told, just could not do anything. He was still in a state of shock.

When I got back they already had her right leg removed.

Despite her condition is stable now, looking at her lying there with tubes and still on the machine is something I cannot bear.

Are we all selfish? We want the best for her and we want her to be back with us. But how will she have a good life with the frequent dialysis she has to do and everything else. She knew this very fact that her leg would be removed that she just refused to go to the hospital..Oh Ibu..

Sometimes I don't even know what to pray for her. All I want is for her not to feel any pain and it would be easy for her.

Amin.