Friday, November 13, 2009

The Woman's Strive

Pilgrimmage (Hajj)
Bukhari :: Book 2 :: Volume 26 :: Hadith 595

Narrated 'Aisha the mother of the faithful believers) said,
"O Allah's Apostle! We consider Jihad as the best deed." The Prophet said, "The best Jihad (for women) is Hajj Mabrur. "

Subhanallah. I understand from this hadith and the experience related by many of my friends, performing hajj will not be the easiest assignment for many people, what more a woman. I am anticipating hardship more than the usual. I am expecting tests imaginable and unimaginable.

And I ask Allah to bestow on me patience and perseverance. Patience has never been my best virtue. I ask Allah that I am also patient with my lover mostly. I pray that Allah will make it easy for me and my lover.

To add to this, I think all women go through emotional jihad. I am feeling very much so at the moment.

The other day I was going through Jack mengaji. He finished his Kursi, then I said to him, "When I am off for hajj, who will check your recitation?" And he replied just the way that we have planned, "Abang will check and help me with my memorisation (he is doing Al Fil now) and both sya and also abang will check my ngaji."

I smiled.

A minute later, he said his eyes hurt. One look at him, I know he was crying. Oh my dear boy. I pulled him close and he sobbed on my lap. And I naturally cried too. And there we were, hugging each other crying. Lover who was there listening to his Kursi just stood there not knowing what to say or do.

And today before Isyak, Sya cried hard. I know she has been emotionally down and I was sort of expecting it. Alhamdulillah all the boys in the house were out. So we had a mother daughter bonding time crying. Just the two of us.

I ask her to make dua for me. Allah is the one we turn to when we are sad and when we are happy. I am doing this for the sake of Allah. She nods. And have faith in Him. Allah will not forsake you. Be strong sayang. We hugged the hardest and moist each others' telekung.

Haziq is swallowing his responsibility as the eldest at the moment. I can see it in his face. he is drafting how best for him to check everyone's recitation when even he has his to finish. I have whispered to him how emotional Jack might become and both Sya and Jack will be needing him. Be there for them. And the three of you for each other. And NO SLEEPOVERS! You are not allowed to be separated.

The children know we are going. And they are all very excited for us. The last umrah trip was beneficial for them. We often talk about the beneficial of hajj. On why I must go. And all of them agree that it is just the best place to be. They sometimes listen to the hajj shows too. Even though Sya would go, must I watch this? :P And were awed at the amount of people at mudzalifah and jamrah. O Allah make it easy for me. I keep on repeating to them about arafah and the special time Allah gives to His wanting slaves. How Allah will boast about his slaves to the angels.

Today we discussed my schedule and my routes and what I will be doing. Haziq said we sound like we are going camping. With sleeping bags and small tent and lots of walking. He said he feels like going. :D I have printed maps, hajj routes, shared with them the schedule and are asked them to mark where I am and the corresponding dates on the maps. Print out a pictorial one page guide of hajj rites. Just so they have a feel.

Alhamdulillah Allah has made it easy for me. The Faths strongly volunteered to take care of the children. In his own strong words, "Don't send it to anyone else! Send them to us! We want the ajr too!". :P.

Allah sent this help in the midst of me thinking where to put the children back even before we went for umrahs. May Allah shower them abundant of hasanat on their family for their kindness and their generosity. I am tremendously grateful. It is not an easy thing to take care of other people's children in doha for the children go to different school. Mr Fath had to wake up earlier than usual to send them to school. Oh Allah give them goodness in this dunya and akhirah. Pardon their sins and elevate their status.

I am writing a will which will concern the care of the children and some wealth. This is equally e m o t i o n a l. Not the wealth part. The death part and everything else that concern the children.

I am planning also to write a letter to each of them (i am that dramatic)with pesanans. "Ittaqullah! Ittaqullah! ittaqullah my children" and some other pesanans that are applicable to them.

Oh Allah make my heart calm and make our hearts strong.

This is jihad for me.


masdiana said...

you just know where to hit my nerves... in a good way, I mean. T_T InsyaAllah... may Allah make all of you strong emotionally + physically in this little 'separation'.


nMJ said...

*hugs hugs hugs*

It'll be the trip of a lifetime insyaAllah. Lucky children too, for now when they get older, they will already have the burning desire for doing hajj, just from their memories of their childhood. May Allah bless you and your family.

Lollies said...

diana - I am taking you and other ladies like nani who went throught the same thing. Ameen to your dua'.

hugs banyak banyak lagi

pb - thank you for your kata-kata perangsang. even that makes me cry. HUUGGGSSS

butterflutter said...

hugs lollies. InsyaAllah they wl be ok but hati seorg ibu kan, I pun tahu. Nak tumpang nangis pun ada. The other day mr started calculating...he said lagi 4 yrs ok kot. The kids wl be 13,10&8yo.Kita doa Allah permudahkan ya.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lollies, Hajj Mabrur to you and your hubby InsyaAllah.

Reading your post reminded me of the time I had to go for Hajj. It was very emotional. Especially the "will" part, it's not about the money, yes....but the most difficult thing one could ever imagine....who should we leave our children to if anything happens to us. My hubby and I had to leave our 4 children behind and the elderst was only 4 and yougest 4 months (and the fact that I was breastfeeding). Not knowing whether we will see each other again is the hardest part. I can still remember the day I left for Hajj and how I couldn't stop crying everytime i thought of my kids.
But then, Subhanallah, once you're there believe me, you will be at peace.

Alhamdulillah, I have fullfilled the 5 pillars and I am so thankfull to Allah The Almighty for being able to do the Hajj at 30. If I had to do it years later it would have been very difficult as I now have Spondolisis (severe neck pain). Going for long trips is very challenging for me nowadays and Hajj requires you to be in the best of health. Allah's knows best.

Have a safe journey sister. May Allah protect your children while you are gone InsyaAllah.

famyGirl said...

*hugs* lolls. by now you're already on your way. i doa your journey is smooth. maybe it's the hormones, maybe this post *is* really sad, but i am holding back tears reading this especially the part where you emotionally bond with the kids individually.

semoga you+your family dilindungi Allah.

i've not even thought about writing a will... this post has got me thinking... kita tak tau when our time is up, kan? gosh... i pray that Allah will guide me.