Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Baik Tak Payah

It is getting hot in this region nowadays. I went out and the temperature read 46 Celcius. Subhanallah it is hot.

I tried fasting. I am telling you, voluntary fasting is hard. It is hard because other people are not fasting. It is even harder when other people are not fasting and you are driving around in a smoldering weather like this. One gets lethargic really fast. It is as if the sun is draining all the energy in you.

Subhanallah I got so irritated. Felt like shouting to everyone. Everything. To the kids. My lover. The annoying people on the road. Slow things. fast things. Kulli shaik. Everything!

Macam ni baik tak payah puasa. Siap-silap tak dapat pahala apa pun.

But wait? Is this the correct attitude that we should have? Because of small flaw in us, we punish ourselves from the opportunity of making  a good deed. When we could have the chance of some reward and we could tame ourselves with sabr and we have many doors of repentance, and yet we prefer to take the short cut and cuts us from a deed altogether.

Don't we all use this excuse all the time? For other deeds. When I was not donning my hijab yet (Ya Rabb I seek your forgiveness for my heedlessness), I was always feeling why should I put on hijab when I am still doing many other numerous sins. I felt like a hypocrite. I had the idea that I should be all clean and pure, then only I will follow what Allah commanded me.

Who gave me this idea in the first place? Who gave me the idea that I can justify myself with such excuse? That I have to be sinless then only I will cover myself. Forgetting that, how can I be sinless when I continue to sin in the first place. And really, can we ever be totally sinless?

You know shaytan is a very cunning thing. He speaks your language and feeds you with what you want to hear. Make justification seemingly logical to one's mind if the mind is not thinking about Allah. Making us divert from focusing on our weakness and seeking Allah's help to fight .

Feeding us with ideas that either you are too young for hijab, too much of a hypocrite to become pious, people yang alim tu pun bukannya bagus sangat, there is still time why make tawbah now when you will only repeat the sins again anyway. Shaytan will make way to your heart convincing that you have too many sins, and you are beyond forgiveness, so why pray?

Who does not have weaknesses? And who does not fall into err?

This is what we need to strive against constantly while we are still alive in this dunya.

We try and try and try and seek Allah's help to give us tawfiq and hidayah so that the doors of deed are made easier on us.

Seek Allah's help for when you ask and raise your hands with a heart that is yearning for Him, He will be shy to refuse your wants.

Allah is Shy and Most Generous. He is Shy that when a man raises his hands to Him (in Du’aa), He does not allow him to put them empty in failure.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood and At-Tirmidhee]


liyas said...

Thank you..very thoughtful and rewarding entry.

Umm N said...

I was reminded in one tazkirah the same issue like you wrote here:

why solat when we could never be 100% khusyu' ..Astaghfirullah, we forget that Allah is beyond everything that we think He is.

The most important thing is our mujahadah, the fight, the journey..even though we could never be the same level as 'ulama and other pious figures, Insyaa Allah all the efforts that whe have done are still counted as ibadah..kena baik sangka bukan "baik tak payah"..

thank you again for this post brought me back to that very tazkirah.