Monday, March 23, 2009

Agent of Change

I don't really remember the exact date that I decided to don the hijab. But I think it is sometime this month (or was it February or err april :P) last year.

I still love wearing skirts which are slightly below the knee. However I am happy to tell you that now I have found even greater pleasure to wear the skirt at the right place and the right time. Over here sometimes the ladies host morning coffee, girls only, and this is the time when most of the niqab ladies would go all out. Dengan full flash make up, earings and baju bergaya. And the compliments among ladies are really refreshing you know.

Let me recall back why did I not don the hijab earlier. Perhaps it can be beneficial for you, Insya Allah.

It started of as a rebel action. *oh please lollies*. Somehow when I was younger I felt the "alim" people are belittling me. They are always giving strange fatwas like don't leave the prayer rug after you pray for the shaytan will pray after you. Isn't that a good thing?

For one reason or another, those people (whom I met) do not seem to be doing well in their academic nor in anything much except preaching. And somehow I associated that being Islamic and being thankful for what we have made them complacent and not wanting to strive better.

When I was younger I felt that most hijabis are timid and lembik and lack in self esteem. And they can't speak for themselves.

And as I grow up I begin to see hijabis with bad behaviour especially backbiting, jealousy among sisters, hati busuk, loving status, taking bribes (bribes come in many forms) and backstabbing. Then we see also hijabis making out with boyfriends, beromen in public and entah apa-apa lagilah.

What irked me the most is the hijabis who like to tegur the non hijabis sister (me that is) and do it out loud so the world can hear. I have been to islamic inclined majlis (which I actually like even when I am not hijabbed) and sisters stayed away from me or look at me from far.

While the guys, they talk about hijabs, tutup aurat, but they are wearing shorts when they play. And when they tuck in their shirts, I can see the shape of their bum. And many of them prefer non hijabi themselves.

Look at them hijabis, with a headscarf on but with foul akhlaq. What is important is our heart. Sah? Why put on the hijab and be those who slander? It's better that I don't wear than be like one of them.

Somehow, slowly Allah began to flash upon me a few exemplary hijabis. Those who do tremendous voluntary work. Those who have clear objective of their life. Those who speak with conviction. Those who are opinionated (in a correct way). Those with tremendous akhlaq. I enjoyed learning about these sisters from far and some I managed to have the privilege of their company.

Then it dawned on me. This not being a hijabi due to bad hijabis are excuses ONLY from me. Because I want to comfort myself for not donning it, I take the easier way out. I used the blame syndrome. It's easy to say look at her, she has the hijab but she cheats. Look at her, she has hijab on but tak get ngaji pun. Look at her she has hijab but always envious of people. A Hijabi but materialistc.

Was I not just like the ignorants who immediately judge a person just because they are muslims? Am I not like the ignorants who see a hijabi or a bearded muslim man and immediately accuse them being terrorists?

Hijabis or not, muslim or not, there will be people with bad akhlaq. The common factor is not because they are hijabis. The common factor is because they are human.

Was the hijab wrong or my lack of knowledge were wrong?

True, if you are a Muslim, you should carry yourself like one. When you don the hijab, you become an ambassador for the Muslim community. Abiding to Allah's rule, you should continuously please Allah and display the best of manners.

So I am not happy with some hijabis attitude.

Who should I change then? The hijabis?

But I cannot change that sister. She has foul mouth!

Why not ourselves?

Are you are among those, like the previous me, who have been withholding this bit of Allah's order of worship because of bad exemples of other hijabis? And you believe that what is in the heart is more important than just appearance. You just cannot fathom how can someone who obeys the hijab part, disobey many others. If you detest bad akhlaq. Then Masya Allah sister, you are among those who love the principle of virtues. You believe in doing something it should be done right all the way and not half way done.

May I then suggest you to take this goodness to another level. Bring it up further to please ONLY Allah. Not for fashion. Not for pressure of conformity. But for Allah.

Propagate good things and be the agent of change yourself. Show them what is right. Walk the talk. Set examples yourself. You'll never know where good akhlaq can carry you. What more when Allah is please with you.

Then we an talk about making things better. Our family. Then those around you. The community. Perhaps the whole nation. Perhaps the world. Insya Allah.

If you wait for the hijabi masses to change, they won't. But you can.

Join the bandwagon.

This bandwagon are filled with sisters who are strong. Those who equipped themselves with the right ilmu. Those who speak from the heart because of their faith. Those who are opinionated because they believe in Allah's word. They believe in Rasullullah's words.

This bandwagon are filled with sisters who are equal, if not, more than some man in their worshiping to Allah.

This bandwagon are filled with sisters who are clear of the reason we are here.

This bandwagon are filled with sisters who are clear on the way we are heading.

Who want to be righteous and raise more of them.

Those who are doing it right, Insya Allah.

This bandwagon is the most pleasurable place to be in this short journey. And there are still a huge space.

It will only come rolling to you, when you are it.

For those who are on the hijab, project the best of examples because it is just the right thing to do. For all you know your bad examples is an excuse for people not to don the hijab.

For those who have been donning the hijab, covering the bosom, making sure the three quarter length sleeve compensated by some form of arm covering, lowering down the top to cover the curves of the thigh, practising hayak (feeling of shame)and abiding the orders of Allah and His Messenger, I am envious. For you do not have to worry day and night whether your tawbah is accepted by Allah.

This is more of a reminder for myself. I am praying that it will also be to all of us.


Anonymous said...

subhanallah - hebat sekali ciptaan Allah. dalam setiap apa yang berlaku, ada sesuatu yang mengingatkan kita padaNya.

alhamdulillah - syukur kepada Allah kerana memberikan sinar kepada anda.

allahuakbar - tiada yang lebih baik kecuali Allah.

Anonymous said...

barakAllahu fiki! like our teacher discussed in the tafseer class about guidance + misguidance - guidance is given to everyone, but once you reject it the 1st time (or the many times after na'uzubIllah) then your heart starts to be covered + then you'll start sinning even more + that in turn covers + darkens your heart even more that in the end no amount of guidance / reminder would benefit you, na'uzubIllah. May Allah guide us always, all the way to Jannah, ameen... :-)

Unknown said...

great piece, lollies. yes, we are after all humans who need constant reminders.

Anonymous said...

though i rarely comment these days (reading thru icrap can be well, crap so it stops me from commenting longwindedly!) but I have to make an effort to comment on this cause like what Lana just said it, it's a great piece.

as always you write stuffs that strike a chord with others (well, maybe people like me) without sounding righteous like others whom annoys me :).

another learning point, I have to say some of the points here, are what I thought off in my head but hey am slowly leaning towards wearing the scarf properly but yes, it's slowly coming through. when it happens, it will happen.


zan said...

syabas, a great piece it is! i can relate nearly everything you wrote with me, esp on the pre hijab part. During the hijabless time, I see the same and feel the same but alhamdulillah, Allah gave me guidance and with correct niat, I donned the hijab. May Allah give me strenght for me to please Him more..insyallah.

Don't we need reminders as always :)

elisataufik said...

betul betul...
When you cant see the example, BE the example :)

Sometimes bila kita buat things for Allah, kita ingat hanya Allah aje tahu, sebenarnya kita tak tahu berapa ramai orang lain yang kita boleh inspire. So teruskan buat baik, insya-Allah the reward will always come, in one way , or another.

Nina @ BabyBoon said...

this truly strikes a cord within me. i started wearing the hijab some time in May last year. frankly, i'm still on my "P" license (probation). i still wear my 3-quarter sleeves.. i still wear my scarve bandanna-like when i do sweaty activities like walking and going to the beach. I still have trouble keeping my hijab on once i step into my car. this piece serves as a reminder for me to simply try harder. so, thanks lollies

Lollies said...

Abi - Alhamdullilah. I am thankful to Allah.

diana - the other day, I had the opportunity to hear the tafseer of Al Fatehah with Umm Eesa and she gave the meaning of guidance. I have always thought about it and thought how can that be? Allah guides whom He wills and misguide whom He will. Now it is clear. Subhanallah!

Lana - me included!

nonah - Some people can dive straight away, some people, like me, do it slowly. Slowly and surely, Insya Allah we will all get there. My prayers are for all of us.

mosh said...

excellent piece. most definitely your going to the used-to-be-very-dreaded-desert-country plays a part in this. Alhamdulillah.

Lollies said...

Zan - I think many of us feel that way. But I think it's time we make the change and show, Insya Allah, that if truly want to please Allah, all goodness come together. It's a package. Let's try together. yayy pegang tangan ramai-ramai.

elisa - You of all the people are the champion of this kan? Stop complaining and just do it. :)

BabyBooned - Alhamdullilah! Mabrouk sister for deciding to put it on. Perhaps we can encourage each other so we remain guided always.

masya Allah baby (Eh can I call you baby?)! I know what you mean. I am striving to improve myself. there are many levels of hijab which I am yet to pass.

Perhaps we can think of the easiest one to let go slowly.

Can i give you an example?
As for me, it is the perfume. I am trying to reduce the perfume puff on me. Because this is hard to do, I start reducing the puff first for some time.

Then I used extra puff and would find that extra puff overwhelming and decided that two puffes are too much.

Then I try using no puff when I go out to certain places. Fisrt places like my class. Then to hantar anak amabik anak. The last one to ocassions which is the hardest and am still failing. But for now half a puff only, insya Allah.

Sometimes I even forgot about perfume altogether. :P

But we are human. And to stop these things are not easy. Let's pray to Allah that He will make it easier for us.

Give yourself a present each time you achieve something. I now spray perfume before I go to sleep. That is a reward by itself.

Lollies said...

mosh - eh bila pulak you masuk celah comment i ni.:P

anyway we sometimes don't know what is best for us kan? Dalam yang kita ingat buruk ada baiknya, and apa yang kita ingat baik sometimes turn out sour for us.

Lollies said...

anyway my friends, i still have many flaws in me in terms of hijab. This is mainly a reminder for me. And I hope we can all work towards that.

Anonymous said...

Why is it everytime I read your postings I cannot but feel elated, glint of tear. Hmmmmmmm is it because I know you in previous life or your writings are insightful! I wonder. To digress a bit on your comments in a different blog site, the comment 'lantak pi dia' is the muched used quote by the kahuna. I didn't mean any malice, I got frustrated and angered by the misinformation that had come her way and i suppose I let it slip.

Anonymous said...

*clap clap* can i forward this piece to a dear friend?

I could be the one in that bad circle of hijabis but hey.. that's was in the past. I would like to think that I am improving myself.

Now bila tengok org lain with/without hijab yang menjolok mata ketat-ketat, istighfar banyak2. Syukur sebab I can differentiate what is right and wrong.

i substitute perfume with lotion bila pergi kerja. heheh Kalau tak pakai perfume rasa kureng still kena taruh jugak something but more subtle.

Nak kumpul skirt la sekarang! macam dalam hegab-rehab.blogspot. Siapa ada jual skirt online wei?

Anonymous said...

Salam, great piece. I am a hijabi, dah over 8 years. It was not easy to don one, at least for me. I was not that warak or anything so I did not see why I should be one back then. And seeing some who do but perangai entah apa2, lagi lah susah nak convince myself to cover my hair. Yg pakai pun tak solat, mengumpat and pakai baju ketat2.
But i wanted to become a better person, a better muslim for my children, so at 31, i wore my first hijab and never looked back. It did make me try harder to become better cos it really feels bad when you potray yourself as a muslim, but buat benda2 yg unislamic. Mula2 pakai, still tunjuk2 jugak a bit of flesh but now i cringe when i see my dada skin (even sikit pun) exposed. i still have a long way to go but I will reach there, Insyallah.
Bless u for the good reminder. - Rozi, KL-

Anonymous said...

your entry touched my heart.

sometime its true that we should not judge a book by its cover, same goes with not judging a person by the hijab they wear or don't wear...

i've even met girls who didn't wear hijab but pray 5 times a day and never missed the tarawikh during ramadhan...

we don't have to judge, Allah has a good plan for every one... that's how i think of it...

we put on hijab and persevere. we don't judge and make comments of those who don't wear hijab... :)

Anonymous said...

your entry touched my heart.

sometime its true that we should not judge a book by its cover, same goes with not judging a person by the hijab they wear or don't wear...

i've even met girls who didn't wear hijab but pray 5 times a day and never missed the tarawikh during ramadhan...

we don't have to judge, Allah has a good plan for every one... that's how i think of it...

we put on hijab and persevere. we don't judge and make comments of those who don't wear hijab... :)

Lollies said...

Datuk - Perhaps it is a combination of all of the above. remember me in your dua' Datuk. :)

Anyway, Subhanallah! What a wonderful gesture from you to take time to explain your "nyanyi". I was not exactly thinking of anything actually because from what i remembered you were ok with Kahuna kan?

Tapi explaining ourselves to avoid orang "terburuk sangka" (I tak tau, Insya Allah)is the best way to do it because Syaitan is very quick bila bab bab ni. Ada kesah nabi about it. Tapi panjang lah pulak nak taip. If you are interested, I can type it for you, Insya Allah.

roti2 - When we start feeling guilty of what we wear, that is a good sign already. I am really talking to myself. And when we cringe to see something, that is the thing we want to avoid. We should not cringe when we see a niqob though. because Ummul mu'minin all cover their faces.

Lollies said...

rozi KL - jom kita do it together. The more the merrier. Sekali tu kita tunjuk the best of examples.Let's ontinuously remind each other. This is the best daa'wah Insya ALlah. Selamat berkenalan.

1bloghopper - bila nak bukak balik blog ni? :D

We should bever look down on anybody. Ever! However I would like to pray for that good sisters you mentioned. Because true from the heart, I like to say, I am thanking Allah for a longer life He gave me so I can repent. Allah is Most Merciful but we have to be sincere. And it is regretful for me not to have done it earlier. For once I have crush down this barricade, I see many things in different perspective. And many things come to me like an opening to knowledge. Truth to be told, I had tough time covering my guilt back then. I pray for all of us, Insya Allah.

Anonymous said...

please do type out

famyGirl said...

nak join bandwagon jugak :)

I am thankful to be blessed with the 'seru' to don the hijab after the birth of my 1st child. now dah masuk tahun ke-8. Alhamdulillah. I am, like you, still learning to improve myself, perbetulkan yang tak betul. Nak jadi agent of change, diri sendiri kena change dulu kan?

I hope I can be a good example for my daughter. Doakanlah saya sama.

Lollies said...

datuk sekejap ya saya type, i just want to take the points of these sisters before i forgot

rozi kl and famy - most of the we begin to understand the need to set the examples when we are trying to raise righteous children ourselves. I love both your point. Our children are such blessings that Allah sent to us. If we don't set them the correct examples, who will they then turn to?

Lollies said...

Datuk Azgrowlen - I have typed it out. barakallahhu fik (May Allah have barakah on you). I have been intending to type that out tapi err lupa. So do refer in this post for I have blogged about buruk sangka once.

Presenting to you...

Hope you will find it beneficial

Ruby M. said...

salam sis,
thanks for sharing, a beautiful story, a gentle reminder. i am myself a convert into 'hejab' and i totally understand what u felt then and now. the move to m.e is a blessing indeed, i have great examples around me now that im so proud to be part of. the hejab, this piece of cloth has changed not only my outlook, but the WHOLE OUTLOOK of life. mashaallah how ironic, yet powerful hejab is to one's life, if they understand it.

mabrouk ya ukthi. barakallahfeeki