Our Stray Cat

Since we came back from last summer, we are frequently visited by a stray cat. She was pregnant when she first came. We fed her leftovers. She was a relief to us because sometimes I do not know what else to do with some of our protein leftovers.

She gave birth. I never saw her kids. I only can see the tell tale sign that she has been breast feeding. Then a few months after she got pregnant again. I never saw any of the kittens. And then pregnant again! Such is the life of a female stray cat!

The kids love her and they get nervous when they hear her cries for food. Quick! Quick! feed her!

When I feed her with leftovers, I would feed her outside the house because usually what she would do, she would pick one chicken and eat it on the floor. And i don't like this. However if I feed her from can food, I would feed her within our compound (because she doesnt take it outside the bowl). The problem with feeding her outside is, there are other bigger and meaner male stray cats. They would hog her food because they are gangster that way. I had to guard her food sometimes. Even then, she would surrender her food and hide away. Pfftt.

Despite a year she has been coming over and we have been feeding her, I never get to pat her. She would run when you try. She makes so much noise when we are late feeding her but hisses when you approach her to give her food.

I would sometime bebel, wah wah wah, after a whole time of feeding you, this is what you give me? Taik di bougainvillea ku (I have solved this problem), hissed at me, no showing of gratitude? Enter my house lagi enjoying the aircond. Amboi amboi amboi. Sungguh amat melampau!

But then I am reminded of these verses from Surah Insan 76: 8-11

And they give food, inspite of their love for it (or for the love of Him), to Miskin (the poor), the orphan, and the captive, (8) (Saying): "We feed you seeking Allâh's Countenance only. We wish for no reward, nor thanks from you. (9) "Verily, We fear from our Lord a Day, hard and distressful, that will make the faces look horrible (from extreme dislike to it)." (10) So Allâh saved them from the evil of that Day, and gave them Nadhrah (a light of beauty) and joy. (11)

Astaghfirullah. Why am I asking gratitude from this cat when I should expect reward from Allah? :( I am so weak.



I am feeling sad because I am leaving the house on Sunday and I cannot bring her because I cannot afford to keep cats in the house. And how am I suppose to catch her when she doesnt allow me near her. And I don't know where her kittens are and you should not separate a mum and her litter.

Allah is the one who provides. Allah will replace me with another rizq for her.

Rumah Impian

Some people exclaimed that THEY are sad that I had to leave this house. Undoubtedly this is a very nice house, masya Allah. It has every quality I need in a house and in fact even more. The landlord has been very good with its maintenance and in this country, this is rare unless you working with big companies particularly the one that hire loads of mat sallehs. People like us, have to succumb to shabby houses and non existent maintenance.

Am I sad? I suppose I am not that sad. It is inconvenient, yes. Especially I had to scout for a house and cannot find anything suitable with the budget I have.

The truth is I have always had this idea that this is temporary. When I first entered the house and got the furniture to fit in, I have always wondered, what if Allah takes this ni'mah away, will  I be sad? And I suppose I don't attach my heart to it greatly, Insya Allah. This is temporary in the dunya sense especially for me who is living in foreign land and job may be uncertain.

In a larger scale - nothing is permanent anyway.

Put your dunya in your hand and not to let into your heart.

I pray, though, that Allah does not test me on the loss of my beloved ones.

Somehow my mind is playing over and over again of the verse that Allah strikes the example of the example of the best woman - Asiyah wife of Firawn.

Tahrim 66: 11

 And Allâh has set forth an example for those who believe; the wife of Fir'aun (Pharaoh), when she said: "My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'aun (Pharaoh) and his work, and save me from the people who are Zâlimûn (polytheists, wrong-doers and disbelievers in Allâh). (11)

This has nothing to do with my house episode. It's just that I was thinking, Asiyah had the best palace of her time. She was the queen of a powerful king. But that didn't stop her from recognising the truth. And all the wealth and palace didn't matter to her. And there she was, the Queen of Egypt, tortured for her eemaan. And she yearned for a palace in Jannah that will surely be better than the one she has in her life.

And this also remind me of my sisters in other part of the world - displaced from their homes, tortured and raped.

I ask Allah that their heart remain steadfast and that they are granted martyr upon their death. Otherwise May Allah grant the highest patience. Ya Rabb give them respite speedily.

The other life is better. It is nothing that the eyes have seen, ears have heard and mind can imagine.

All of that is nothing compared to the house I am leaving soon. This house can never be equal to the "Baitan fil jannah" that Asiyah asked from Allah.

Focus

Subhanallah I am getting worried about this moving. For the past week the still occupying tenant of our future house has not confirmed when they can vacate the house. We were hoping they would move out this weekend, so we could merrily move in on the following weekend. That would be a perfect date since we prefer to move out before August thus not incurring another month rent in this current house. (The August rent for our future house is already paid).

Qadr Allah the still occupying tenant of our future house will only be moving out on 28th and 29th July. Which is Saturday and Sunday. In my perfectionist book, I want to take time to move. I want to clean he house first, get some boxes by myself put stuff in the kitchen cabinet and in the already existing wardrobes, and only move in 2nd August. But lover is so against it.

So despite that the still occupying tenant are still moving out on Sunday, lover insist to start moving in on Sunday itself. Maybe the boxes first then big stuff the next day.

Allah Mustaan.

Sunday is a weekday here.
Lover is not taking any leave on Sunday nor Monday.
Mover can only come after 1, because the still occupying tenant is probably still moving out.
This is end of July.
In the mid of summer.
Where weather is most cruel. Scorching more than 50 Celcius most of the time.
And it is the month of Ramadhan.
And did I tell you that lover is working that day?

Allah Mustaan.

My mind is all over that I cannot focus on Ramadhan this time round and partly its making me sad. But then what I know I will try my best, Insya Allah.

Cannot focus on Quran? What about dzikir? What about striving for patience? (Ya Rabb). What about making up with charity? Alhamdulillah there are many ways for ibadah.

And the one thing good also, I will be out of internet until I go back to Malaysia. So after moving, I won't be sitting in front of the computer much. Time to make up while i clear the house?

Again, I hope your ramadhan will be much smoother than mine. That you get to plan out your ramadhan activity which involve getting closer to Allah. And that Allah makes it easy for you.

And at the end of it, we come out winners and become among the muttaqun.

Sakit Belakang

We have already found a new place Insya Allah. The thing is, the thing is the tenant is still living there awaiting for their new house as well. I pray that they move out by next week. Because then only I can move possibly the week after. We have only weekends to play with and on the seventh, I am flying off for my summer break to tanahair tercinta. So the later I move out, the more jittery I become.

Regardless, I am slowly packing my stuff. Subhanallah just by cleaning up the kitchen, I found loads of expired stuff. OMG! I hope this serves a lesson not to be overzealous when I balik Malaysia. berangan nak buat macam-macam kuih melayu konon. In the end tak buat apa pun.

But I managed to gather up all the kids' small jackets and decided to sell it off for charity. Alhamdulillah the gir;s' stuff sold ok. The boys' punya kurang mendapat perhatian. So if any of you like to purchase branded (From Mothercare to Zara) jackets and sweatshirt, do tell. We donated to syria and Somalia from them. Alhamdulillah. I also have some girls jacket and a few girls' dresses.

I have gathered all the children small clothes and given them to charity as well. And finally admitting to myself that I cannot fit in some clothes anymore, thus I'll being it to Malaysia to give away as well.

We also gather loads of rubbish. I pray that we don't have to move every two years for me to spring clean the house like this. What have I been hoarding huh?

By the way, it is very likely that I'll be moving during the fasting month. Allah Mustaan.

I hope your preparation for Ramadhan is smoother than mine.

Jack Sad When Abang is Not Here

Haziq is in Bangkok now. This year, we see him flying off to Dubai a few times and now to Bangkok for the final rendezvous this school year. He has been participating in several school debates, parliament style debate in Dubai, World Scholar's Cup Regional Round in Dubai. They were among the finals in the Dubai round and now they are in for Regional Round in Bangkok. Allahuma Bareek.

He participated in the same thing a few years ago. They didn't that well for that round though.

I hope the experience he gains from this will shape him to the best of character. May he become the leader of the muttaqun.

He left in the middle of the night when the kids were sleeping. So Jack woke up in the middle of the night finding his abang not in the bed. Cried, picked up abang's stuffed cat and his stuffed cat and walked to my room and slept next to me.

Weeee.. Ibu suka.

A brief introduction of what the World Scholar's Cup is all about.

The First Crack

Imagine this setting.


Sayidinna 'Umar before him becoming Muslim.


He was a fiery man and was known to be harsh with the Muslims. He beat up his slave upon knowing of her conversion. He was feared and respected in Makkah.


His matching rival was perhaps Abu Jahl himself, another staunch enemy of Islam.


So much so that prophet sallahu alaihi wasalam raised his hands and ask Allah,


"O Allah! Give strength to Islam through either of two men you lov more, "Umar al Khattab or Abu Jahl bin Hisham."


One night 'Umar al Khattab set out from his house and headed to the Kaabah. Lo and behold, he saw the Prophet Praying towards Kaabah. He thought this would be a great time to ambush the Prophet sallalhu alaihi salam. He sneaked behind the kiswah, the Kaaba's covering.


Kaabah at that time, would be generally dark. there are no lights like we see now in the area. It is not surprising, if one can sneaked behind the kiswah unnotied.


Umar came quite close to the Prophet such that he could hear the recitation of Prophet sallalahu alaihi wasalam. Prophet Muhammad sallalhu alihi wasalam was reciting Al Haqqah surah no 69. I have already put up the surah in my last two posts.


Umar thought the words are beautiful and the words were  poetic. He said to himself, this must be the words of a poet just like what the Quraysh has said. Then the Prophet sallalalhu alaihi wasalam said still reading surah Haqqah,

That this is verily the word of an honoured Messenger [i.e. Jibril (Gabriel) or Muhammad SAW which he has brought from Allâh]. (40) It is not the word of a poet, little is that you believe! (41) 

Shocked of this recitation which as if was responding to him, he said, "He must be a soothsayer/"


Then prophet sallahu alaihi wasalam continued his recitation in surah al Haqqah

Nor is it the word of a soothsayer (or a foreteller), little is that you remember! (42) This is the Revelation sent down from the Lord of the 'Alamin (mankind, jinn and all that exists). (43)

And thus the kufr of darkness in his heart cracked.


Indeed Allah guides whom He wills.





I guess each one of us at one point of time in our life (except those who have remained steadfast since they are young) has a turning point or realigned point in our life. Allah gives plenty of opportunities for us to see this point, most of the time we ignored it and brush the whisper of our hearts.


Allah will continue to give His signs in various ways until we ourselves chose not to from our words, actions and most importantly our hearts. 

Allâh has set a seal on their hearts and on their hearings, (i.e. they are closed from accepting Allâh's Guidance), and on their eyes there is a covering. Al baqarah 2: 7

Indeed Allah will never lead anyone astray after he has shown them guidance.


At Tawbah 9: 115

and Allâh will never lead a people astray after He has guided them until He makes clear to them as to what they should avoid. Verily, Allâh is the All-Knower of everything. 

It's us who refuse to follow.


As Saf 61: 5

 So when they turned away (from the Path of Allâh), Allâh turned their hearts away (from the Right Path). And Allâh guides not the people who are Fâsiqûn (the rebellious, the disobedient to Allâh). (5) 

May Allah continuously give us His Tawfiq and Hidayah for us to be steadfast and make it easy for us to please Him the way He commands us to.

Someone is Eight

The littlest boy in this house has turned eight.Masya Allah.

Zachary has been harping about the date for ever so long like as if he couldn't wait to become a big boy. When asked how do you feel yesterday in a seven year old body to today's eight year old body. Err it feels the same.

Kih kih kih really we get old every second of the day.

Let's see what he's done. Hmm he can read and apparently may get emotional when he reads. he was reading a sad story about a girl losing his mother and started sobbing to himself. Hey! Who got him this book in the first place??

However, having said that he is not an avid reader. I hope just not yet. Perhaps we can still build that soon.

He said he likes maths and he doesn't like english. I hope he would like both later.

I still carry him even though he is getting longer and heavier.

Lover still help him change in the morning even though I told him Jack is a big boy now. But lover said, otherwise he is too slow.

He talks alot! Still remember him not talking when he was littler.

He probably has fairly good memory retention. I hope we will be able to nurture this to what pleases Allah the most. May Allah instill quran in his heart and make his studies easy too.

He doesn't like doing homework and not bothered with it too. This is made worse because I was too busy to look at it too. This has got to change!

He loves his siblings but play mostly with sya. However when Haziq had to go Dubai for a few days the other day, he cried. Yeah it has been established that he is a sensitive boy.

Yeah he is still my baby. I don't know how long can I kiss him like how I kiss him now until it would look weird.

He is everyone's baby really.

I ask Allah that we will be happy family smiling and laughing all the way to jannah.

Surah al Inshiqaq 84: 7-9

Then, as for him who will be given his Record in his right hand, (7) He surely will receive an easy reckoning, (8) And will return to his family in joy! (9)

We will concentrate on aiming to receive the book on our right hand for now. Ya Rabb facilitate us.

Parenting Skills

If there is any in me. Allah musta'an.

Every Friday morning (which is the weekend over here), I will tell the children to clean up my little garden. Pull out the weeds, pick all the dried leaves, sweep and sometimes wash the steps. The have been doing it every Friday not whole heartedly I suppose. But this is what I call character building Insya Allah. And plus because I can.

Last friday Jack came snuggling beside me and complained and complained like he usually does. He complained to me about Haziq. That Haziq is always angry at him, that Haziq accused him of being slow and Haziq always take his job away when he was going to do this. Abang is always angry at me.

I always watch them when they are together supposedly working and Jackjack being the youngest and sometimes either clueless or just plain lazy is always working ever so slow. He would sometimes get so involved in his own imaginary world of fighting zombies and stuff, he would be playing by himself and sway his broom or brush everywhere.

He usually gets the easiest job which is to put the collected leaves in the plastic and put it near the bin. But he would spend his time "fighting" that the he forgot about his job. And usually he would rush when I am down there for inspection or when his abang and akak are nearly finished. Then he got panicked and complain even more.

So after he complained, I hugged him and said to him, maybe you are playing too much and not doing your job properly. He retorted, I am doing my job!" It's abang who always take my job away! So I told him today, you must quickly put the leaves away in the bin, so abang doesnt take your job away and he doesnt get angry. Of course he would say, "Abang will still be angry." Yeah he complains a lot. Peck in the cheek. A tickle. He was fine Insya Allah.

Then later, haziq came to me complaining about Jack. he was only playing. he never does his work. And when I told him to be quick, he got angry. Then because I cannot wait any longer, I had to finish his work for him, then he got angry.

Then I told him to be patient. he is only seven and very imaginative. Give him small task, and remnd him often because little kids need more reminders. Never finish his work for him. You can slightly punish him by leaving him when you are all done, or threaten him sometime before you are going to actually finish. But as the bigger one and also the leader you have to know his talents and his weaknesses and play with it. Gentle but stern. And in the end, you have me to report to. You have to instill team work and keep the team happy so that all of you achieve the same goal - i.e. please me (and a clean frontyard).

And remember Haziq, I had to deal with you when you are at that age.

This is all so funny I think. Their squabble. Their argument. But I need to skill to be somewhat fair and also not demotivating either. Otherwise I can easily say, O shaddap!

I pray that they are close with each other even after I am gone.

__________________

It is worth to note also, that no one has a fight with Sya. Sya diligently pull out weeds, cut off unwanted branches and throw things away. Allahuma Bareek.

The Two Groups

Allah mentions opposites alot in the quran. Often he would mention two different type of groups as well.


For instance some of them found in Juz 30 and 29 Insya Allah.
Al Qariah
the one with heavy balance (of good deeds) and that he will a'shiatir radiah. (pleasant life in Paradise)
against
the light balance (of good deeds) who will have his home in Hawiyyah (abyss in hell)


Al zalzalah
Those who do good equal to size of an atom shall see it
Those who do evil equal to the size of an atom shall see it


Al Bayyinah
Those who disbelieve in Islam from the people of the books and the al mushrik will be in hell. They are Sharrun bariah (the worse of creatures)
Those who believe and do righteous deeds they are khairul bariah (the best of creatures)


Al Lail
Those who gives in charity and believe in Al Husna, Allah will make smooth his path of goodness
Those who are greedy miser and thinks he is self-sufficient and lie against al Husna, Allah will make smooth his path for evil.


Al Balad
Those who believe and recommend one another to perseverance and patience and compassion, they are the companions of the right hand (Paradise)
Those who disbelieve in Allah's signs they are the companions of the left hand (hell). The fire will shut on them


Al Ghashiyah
Some faces that Day (Yaumul qiyamah) will be humiliated, weary. They will enter narun hamiah (Hot blazing fire), will be given drink from ('ainun aniah) boiling spring, food will be dori' (poisonous thorny plant)
Other faces will be joyful and glad. they will be in jannatin 'aliah (lofty paradise), in it will be 'ainun jariah (running spring), on a throne raised high, and cups in hand, and cushions in rows and rich carpets spread out.


Inshiqaq
Those given book in right hand. They will have easy reckoning and will return to their family in joy
Those who are given the record behind his back, he is invoking destruction and shall enter burning fire


As you progress into Juz 29, the description that Alah make (in my opinion) gets stronger and scarier. As most surah in here deals a lot of yaumul qiyamah and punishment and reward.


I like to highlight you surah Al Haqqah. Surah no 69. Also in Juz 29 also known as Juzuk Tabarak. Please pay attention to the two different group that Allah mention in this surah


Beginning from ayat 19-24
Then, as for him who is given his record in his right hand, he will say: Take, read my book! (19) 
Surely I knew that I should have to meet my reckoning. (20) 
Then he will be in blissful state (21) 
In a high Garden (22)
Whereof the clusters are in easy reach. (23) 
(And it will be said unto those therein): Eat and drink at ease for that which ye sent on before you in past days. (24)


And continue to the opposite group from ayat 25-29


But as for him who is given his record in his left hand, he will say: Oh, would that I had not been given my book (25) 
And knew not what my reckoning is! (26) 
Oh, would that it had been death! (27) 
My wealth hath not availed me, (28) 
My power hath gone from me. (29)


and listen with a contemplating heart the arabic verses of what Allah will say from 30-32
(It will be said): Take him and fetter him (30) 
And then expose him to hell-fire (31) 
And then insert him in a chain whereof the length is seventy cubits. (32)


Personally I think, one feels more by saying it in arabic or hearing it in what Allah sends down the quran with. Thus I cannot stress more on memorisation that will bring this ayah to live in your heart will strike fear when you hear the oncoming punishment. It will envelop a sense of longing and fear for not being able to attain the beautiful reward. However contemplate on the meaning and fear Allah at all times.


Ya Rabb protect me from an Narr and enter me into jannatul firdaus.


Here is a clip of surah Al Haqqah for you to listen and contemplate Insya Allah.



May we live the quran.

Bouncing Back Up

I finished my final arabic exam today. Alhamdulillah

P H E W

What a year! Subhanallah I can half way understand the meaning of istiqomah in learning this deen because this year alone I have been fighting between myself not to quit the arabic class. Sometimes I felt really stupid, but upon some jolt by the teacher, then I find something exciting about it. It usually comes in the form of an exciting and doable challenge.

But for the past month, I suppose  my mind has been swirling. I couldn't conetrate much.  Most of free time is spent on scouting for a house on the internet and on the road, calling people, calling agents, visiting houses scouring residential areas but did not find anything to my liking. As much as I have said, it's ok, we will find one, but the prospect looked quite bleak. The price also has hiked up.

In the midst of this, was the looming exam.

And everyone else seems so competent.

I got tense up. In fact in one of the arabic classes after reading out my very weak structured essay, I could not concentrate anymore. I couldn't hear what the teacher was saying and sat there dumbly refusing to cooperate with the teacher.

That must be, sadly to say, my lowest point of eemaan. Yeah I snapped and I am not proud of it.

I went to see the teacher and apologised for my strange behaviour. I told her how I find it difficult and the fight I am having to quit. She babied me and gave me words of encouragement (despite me being rude earlier).

I had a lot of time thinking and thinking and making self retrospection and weight quit and no quit.

I thought perhaps I can finally listen to the arabic lessons online - a one to one lesson. This will be more beneficial to me as it follow my pace.

Maybe a private teacher. Hah! Good idea! At least it will help me build up sentence like school kids not big sentence like what I have now.

Maybe I should take a break and studied properly what i have learned. You know I have been rushing to learn, but had no time to absorb.


But I decided not to quit.

Because this self studying is like lying to self when it comes to me. I know I wont have the discipline doing it alone.

Because If I don't stay on this opportunity, I will never get it.

Because I shouldn't be so stress. I have learnt a lot of words compared to four years ago.

Because did I not find sweetness in reciting or listening to a quran recitation and understand the meaning allatul (immediately)?

Because nothing in the world is achieved without struggle.

Because I have health.

Because Allah has given me means - wealth, understanding husband, brain to use, hands to write, eyes to see, ears to listen I shouldn't be wasting this blessings.

Because I desire learning the quran so much.

Ya Rabb, make it easy for me.

SO I finished my arabic exam today. I don't know whether my short essay is ok or not but it's ok even if it is not the best. If not for the hardship and cries and tense, i wouldn't be able to come up with words to write "the difference in dealing with the youth and little children."

Alhamdulillah ya Rabb.