Friday, March 04, 2005

Heart Wrenching

When MOSH found out that she was going to have a baby boy, she was exhilarated. It's not her first child though and not even her first boy. She was excited because it seems like a perfect life having boy, a girl then another boy.

Then she told me

Lollies, I like to name this boy Haziq. I hope you don't mind.

Mind? Why would I mind? I am honoured. Regardless you are not naming him after my son..but I like to feel honoured anyway.

The meaning is good kan Lollies?

Hah! Hah! I hope he lives to fulfill the name. But you know Mosh, my Haziq is such a sensitive boy. I think he is going to be Mat Jiwang. Ha! Ha! Ha! So you might want to think twice about the name.

You are a riot lah Lollies.


Anyway, Mosh gave birth last Sunday. Unlike others who get to hold the baby the minute the baby popped out, baby Haziq was swept away by the doctor and nurses into the ICU.

Apparently a few moments before coming out to the world, baby Haziq passed motion. The faeces got into his lung and toxified his system.

For days Baby Haziq lived on the machine.

I cried and cried when I found out. I cried harder when I visited her. It is heart wrenching. Look at the baby with wires all over. Poked here and there. This week had actually been a sad week for me. A terribly sad week.

Two days after delivery, MOSH told me that Baby Haziq is now 90% breathing on his own. The blood pressure has improved.

Infact Lollies, I stayed with him and called out his name, he actually opened his eyes momentarily. He moved his limbs.

That's good news MOSH. I can't wait to kiss him.

Lollies, Haziq is really cute you know. Oh! Did I tell you that he also has two "pusar".

Dua pusar? Just like my Haziq?? (God...I cried again)

You pray for me okay?

I will...


This morning at 5:37, I got a call from MOSH. My heart skipped a bit when I saw her name on the display. You know getting a call at wee hours in the morning...I don't think it's a good time passing good news.

Baby Haziq passed away at 5:15 a.m. today.

Little Zachary was suckling for his milk to his heart content.

I kissed Zachary on his forehead. He opened his little eyes and continued suckling.

I wept.

In a way Baby Haziq is lucky. He was given the chance to taste life in this world. He lived for six days. He was loved. God loves him more.

Al Fatihah to baby Haziq.

15 comments:

atiza said...

al fatihah..

aku nangis bila baca post nih..

atenah said...

al-fatihah, sometimes motherhood comes with a lot of pain. we can just comfort ourselves by remembering that we are heading that way too (BTW i read this entry twice, in modblog and here, so confirm la kat mana ko nak settle. i prefer kat sini...pls pls pretty pls, nanti i suruh shidah pong kempen same)

Lollies said...

atiza...ko tengok aku ni meleleh air mata dari pagi tadi. I went to her house..nangis lagik.

atenah..I'll be here often..ko ni kelakolah..tengah-tengah aku nangis..ketawa pulak...

CN said...

innalillahi wa inna ilaihi ra'jioon..

sis lollies sedihnyer ..

*kesat air mata*

Being1 said...

i'm deeply touched. al-fatihah to baby haziq.

-wan-

shidah said...

al fatihah.... mosh must be devastated, carrying the baby for 9 mnths, ended in 6 days after meeting the true joy. nevertheless he will wait for mosh "di pintu syurga" (ni yang betulnya pintu syurga bukan just a song. btw: yes lollies, second atn - sini lagi senang nak mengomen!

atenah said...

yay yay aku kelako, aku kelako.....jadikla :)

Being1 said...

ceh. kak tenah mengklakokan diri dah. koh koh.

Lollies said...

the saddest moment when she retold the baby's last moment. Tapik yalah..berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul..
and she only got to her her baby after they took off the tubes...

atenah - kelako...kelako..

lynnette said...

The only comfort I cld think of (I cried so hard that I needed to be consolled by Z)is that Haziq was here as a gift to be claimed later in Jannah. His parents have a helping "hand" later....insyaAllah

Lollies said...

lynnete - I don't think I can bear this

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