Friday, December 04, 2009

Tak Rindu Ke?

Praises go to Allah whom has made it easy for me and my husband to go through one of the most important and demanding ibadah.

One of the things I asked Allah was that he made it easy for me. And syukur to Him, that I didn't find things too difficult or perhaps He made me see difficult things easy. Allah knows best. One of the things I asked also to take care of my heart and my children's heart so we don't suffer throughout this separation.

Yes I cried and they cried when I finally bade farewell. The Fath's children cried too. Loi Loi who didn't cry exclaimed, "I feel like crying". Sya was the one most affected I must say. Haziq and Jack cried quietly.

However, Alhamdulillah, when I was there and each time I made calls to them, they seem ok and cheerful. Sya would blabber about her good marks and Haziq would sound like a robot and replied each time without fail that he is doing his homework when I asked him what he was doing. Jack would always rush through the conversation telling me that he has to go either to poop or pee or play something important.

This is in contrast to some other mummies with young children in my room. I shared with nine others (all Malaysians). The kids would be crying. This will be followed by the mum and there would be lots of consoling and more cries. And we mothers would console each other.

The build up towards hajj days get even worse. When even the idea of death are raised by the children. Its heart wrenching. Truly as the days to the actual hajj days (nearing 8th Dzulhijjah) became nearer, I got more nervous and I suppose everyone was. And the cries from the children affected the moms greatly.

I contemplated to call my children. I did anyway just because I am a mother who likes to trouble herself.

But my children are just the same happy children. Sya blabbered. Haziq doing his homework. And Jack was playing.

I received reports from my friend concerning my children through sms and Alhamdulillah, the reports confirmed that they are doing fine. I was relieved even though I did ask myself, aik tak rindu ibu ke?

But on a bigger scale, I think it helped me through Hajj. It made my heart content and it helped me to stay focus. Despite wondering whether they rindu me or not, I thank Allah that I don't have to spend my time with extra crying worrying about my children.

So I came home yesterday at 4 in the morning. The Faths picked me up. I told them not to wake the kids yet for they have school that day. Mr fath sent them to school as usual. I told him not to tell the kids that I am back. I had to go all the way and tell other mummies not to tell my kids and also their kids that I am back. So that they won't spoil the surprise. He he. I am going to surprise them when I picked them up in school later.

I almost had butterflies in the tummy waiting for afternoon to come.

As i walked through the school compound, I bumped into haziq first who greeted me with a shock and calmly hugged me tight. He looked a bit cengkung in the cheeks. He also looked almost adultish. I can almost see his strength in shouldering responsibilities.

By the way, I was told by my friends later, how he handled the incident of Jack falling. Jack fell down. He didn't break his crown though. Just perhaps a little scratch and a bruised ego. Haziq rushed to him. Asked where he is hurt. Sya also came to him. Then Haziq picked him up and carried him to the bed. Sya put a blanket on him. They consoled him. Then Jack slept.

Jack woke up one hour later as cheerful as ever. Haziq told me this fact.

I am proud of Haziq. I think he really took in the role as the big brother and handled his siblings well. I asked Allah to blanket him (and my children) with hidayah.

syaBack to the surprise pick up story, Sya came around a few minutes after and upon seeing me already have tears in her eyes. I opened my arms and she hugged me tightly and cried.

I made a special doa for Sya. Because I think of all my children I am probably hardest on her. Perhaps I have certain expectations, she being a girl. I don't know. Or perhaps I worry that she will be like me. And just like any parent, I want her to be better than me. And she being a girl, I expect her to embrace knowledge even more. But sometimes, I am too hard on her. Even though I do not want her to be like me, I treat her like as if she is me. *shameful*

I hugged her and kissed her and told her I love her. I am happy to see my girl who is still little. I wiped her tears and said I am here with you. Took her hand to go for Jack.

And Jack. He saw me and ran to me and jumped on me and basically was stuck on me for a long time. These all happened in front of his teacher. She actually said to me, "Finally!" as if she is so relieved. She said, Jack is less focus and not as cheerful. Ya ka tu?

And that night, we had dinner at Faths. Jack who was so busy playing, intermittently came to me either to report how well he played, or how he kept losing, or to kiss me, or to hug me or just to touch me.

And another round of tears from the children when they hugged their father.

Rindu jugak dia orang kat ibu dia ya.

Our hearts and prayers go out to the children who lost their parents. May Allah preserve them and protect them and replace them with something better.


Sheherazade said...

touching...Alhamdulillah k.lollies da pulang :)

megigoreng said...

Alhamdulilah your kids were in good care... syukur to Allah swt and may He bless the Faths family...amin...

I pun alhamdulilah my kids were ok... cuma the 1st impression my baby saw me.... he cried and ran away... he didn't recognized his own mother :(....I felt like crying but since I was in other people's house so sabar je la.... he went to his "mak angkat and bapa angkat" for comfort and ran away from me and hubby...sedih sangat... he's too young kot... alhamdulilah after a few minutes he realised and came to me and hug me...sedih sgt...

I pun syukur that during my Hajj my kids were ok...except my baby who cried for a day and then he's ok...the girls pun ok and they just sms me so it helped me a lot.. not much of phone calls to save the bill hehehheh and emotional disturb :)

Thanks a lot for Imam kan we all at the apartment. Sorry that I didn't spend so much time at your room as I was concentrating on my Hajj and my doa especially... sorry also that I didn't look or concentrate when you were talking at Mina coz my mind was elsewhere and I was concentrating on what doa I want to say for the next day plus a few personal matters in my mind at the moment. Sorry ya beb!.... maybe we could catch up with each other some time... take care and salam.

zan said...

alhamdulillah all went well...sedih baca your entry, it's good that it's a short trip unlike m'sian std 40-45 days...rindu dendam teramat.

will wait for your next entry, hoping if you can share your trip there :)

Zaitul said...

Alhamdulillah ur back...i miss ur writing though...and ur entry here brought tears to my eyes...sob..sob...sob...

1bloghopper said...

syukur you are back. kept thinking about your hadj journey :)

azGROWLen said...

Alhamdullilah Hajjah and Haji dah balik. Heard about the rain and the floods and prayed that everyone especially you guys di lindungi selalu. Syukur Alhamdullilah

Anonymous said...

Syukur your are back I'm one of your silent readers and glad you are back at blogging. Bukan anak saja yang rindu kat you!
Your post make me choked with emotions.

Lollies said...

ruby - Alhamdulillah jugak. :D

megigoreng - huhuhu. I faham how sedih that can be. he is very young. tak faham lagi. i hope by now dah ok.

i am praying the experience we found makes us a better person.

zan - tulah. 40 hari tu huhuhu lama betul tu. but on the other hand dapat banyak ibadat and tak rush macam kita orang.

Lollies said...

zaitul - i kinda miss writing too. :D

1bloghopper - i'll try to share what i can. masa aje tak cukup cukup ni

azen - we had rain when we were in mina. and was totally oblivious of what was happening in jeddah. while we were thankful for the cooling rain, some other people were suffering because of it. Allah is the Greatest.

Aini (thanks for putting a name there) - ooohh ada sesapa lagi rindu kat saya sila angkat tangan. bolehlah volunteer tolong kemaskan bag saya ni hah. :D

Anonymous said...

MasyaAllah, Allah is Great!
Menitik air mata - dapat bayangkan perasaan kasih & sayang antara you & anak2...

mosh said...

schweet!! :)

masdiana said...

*angkat tgn* me! me! me! I miss you je la tp you dah kemas dah pun ur bags... :-)

Ya Rabb, grant us children who'll be the comfort of our eyes, not just in this world but unite us again in Your Gardens.

Anonymous said...

So cute bila you kata pasal nak kemas beg!
So bila nak cerita pengalaman ibadah haji ni?
Many has written and yet you never get tired hearing the stories.

butterflutter said...

Alhamdulillah all is well and selamat menjalankan ibadah haji.

Frankly, you are the only one yg I jumpa talk about your feelings meninggalkan anak2 for hajj. We definately shared the same concern here. Some nampak sng saja but maybe they dont show their true feelings.

InsyaAllah Allah permudahkan when my time comes.

famyGirl said...

you're back, you're back!! Alhamdulillah...

looking forward to reading about your experiences there.

rozi hamsawi said...

sob... sob... very touching.

lazydaisy said...

very touching when i read this entry..
dekat ofis ni takde tissue la pula especially when i read you made special doa for sya tu and look at her picture..aduhaii sayu rasanya