Tuesday, September 18, 2007

18th of September 1980

It was in the year 1980, on the same date, I turned eight. And like the years before, i would have probably received simple gifts from my parents like a pencil or eraser or a sharpener and my mum probably cooked something extra special.

But it was the day after my birthday that I actually got a surprise. There was this girl in my class. She was not actually a friend. In fact I stayed away from her. She was quite a naughty person. She likes to hit and pinch. She says vulgar word. She likes lifting the girl's skirt. She even take off her panties and pee in public. But everyone has a kind heart right? Particularly when the naughtiest girl in school present you with a gift that you can only dream of receiving.

She surprised me with a colour pencil set! The expensive colour set! Oh I still remember it. There were 36 different colours. Imagine 36! Mine was only six. And there were all long sophisticated pencils. While mine was the short ones. Put in a colourful tin box. There was a picture of a colourful carousel, coloured in pencil colours. Obviously if one can own this kind of pencil colour set, one can colour a carousel as wonderful as this.

I was ecstatic! This has got to be the best gift in my whole eight years of life. One of the colours was heavily used though, I pointed to the girl, let's call her Dim. She said, she didn't plan to give it to me, but since she knew it was my birthday, she thought of giving it to me.

It really did not matter. A pencil colour set in a tin box. Every girl dream I must say! Well at least for me.

I showed it to my parents. They were surprised but were happy for me. I remembered my dad telling me that I should keep it at home and not bring it to school, so that I wouldn't accidentally lose it or even risk being stolen. i obliged. I slept happily that weekend.

On Monday morning, the week after next, I was yet surprised again. this time it was not a pleasant one. I was summoned to the headmistress' office. My BM teacher, Puan Mon, had a grim face when she told me. I have always been a good girl you know. I don't think I have ever done anything wrong. I was the assistant monitor. I was helpful and always keep myself of trouble. As I walked out of the class, Puan Mon said, did you get yourself a pencil colour set, Lollies?

I smiled and wondered how did she know.

I was made shocked in the headmistress' room. Apparently I was asked whether I stole any pencil colours from San, another girl in class. What? Steal? I never steal anything. I may be poor, but I don't steal! And plus San is really a nice girl. No No! i did not steal. I explained everything. Headmistress seemed satisfied and called Dim into her room.

I got back to class. Puan Mon still eyed me suspiciously. Even though i did not steal anything, but it sure felt like I did. I felt bad. I felt guilty. I felt that no one was on my side. She is a thief. I know why she steals. Look at her. She wears old short uniform. She didn't have anything. Surely she has been eyeing that set. San just bought it you know, in Singapore. And she stole it.

I was angry. I hated Dim. How could she got me in this trouble! What have I done to her?! Why did I trust her? because she had a carrot and I was a horse?

Later my dad came to school. I was so in trouble. My dad would be angry. I know. Dim's dad was there too. I didn't know what happen to Dim. What I know was my name was cleared. San talked to me again and apologised for suspecting me. Why wouldn't she, after she saw me clutching the pencil colour.

But, Puan Mon who looked authoritive all the while, said to me, in class out loud, "Lain kali kalau orang kasi hadiah, ceklah dulu barang curi ke tak?!" (The next time you received a gift, do check whether it is actually stolen or otherwise!)

I may be eight then, but I just cant tell you how angry was I with her statement. How can she patronise me like that? Really, who checks presents?? Not only that she did not recognise that I was innocent, she had to find a way saying how wrong I am. What about Dim? Why didn't she say anything to her?

For the first time in my life, I lost some of my innocence. I learn to hate a teacher. I hated Puan Mon. I am very skeptical with most BM teachers after that. I hated teachers who are narrow minded. That year, I believe, was the year that I slowly turned into a rebel. The year I turned eight.

It was when I went back to Malaysia the year my mum passed away (Feb-April 2006), that I bumped into Puan Mon again. It was 26 years after. She looked older. So was I. She was walking to the same eating place my dad and I was at. She was with her husband and her children. her children are all adults.

My dad said, that's Puan Mon. Uhuh, I replied. Go and shake hands with her. Don't want, I remarked. I hate her. My dad smiled. he said, she doesn't remember you know. I rebutted, well I do. I remember everything.

Apparently, Puan Mon's husband is also my dad's friend. What luck! So when we were about to leave, my dad walked to them. I had to follow. Of course I had to salam Puan Mon. An actress that I was, as I salamed, I said to her that I was her student back in my primary school. She held my hand tight, and she began to cry. I was surprised. Apa orang tua ni? kememeh lah pulak.

Her husband smiled a bit and apologised to me. He said, she doesn't remember anything. She lost her memory a year ago. whenever any of her students come to her, she would feel sad, because she didn't even know that she was a teacher. She doesn't even remember me nor her children. but we all love her all the same. I looked at Puan Mon's daughter, she smiled at me and said thank you for remembering her. I couldn't say much except that I am sorry to hear that.

Suddenly, all the hatred that I felt was pointless. All those memories harboured within me leaving perhaps a very black spot in my heart was insignificant. How can I continue hating her, when she doesn't even remember anything.

I forgave her. 26 years after.

38 comments:

Aidan's Mama & Papa said...

you know what, half way reading it, i was like "apa la puan mon ni, ada ke suruh check present tu curik ke tak! mana kita nak tau" with a marah kind of thought.. felt sorry for you. and as i read more and more i was like "ha, bagitau dia kita tak curik! tak baik salah sangka".. and towards the end i actually felt bad. i still feel sorry about the whole incident, but i feel sorrier for puan mon. lots to learn from this. thanks ever so much for sharing lollies!

Zaza

Nana said...

happy birthday lollies!

Halley said...

Happy Birthday Lollies...in 7 days mine will come...

anne said...

This is a good story, lollies:-).

And happy birthday to you, semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki!

Nazrah said...

happy birthday my darling lolliepalooza!

miss chatting with u baybee...

Lollies said...

zaza - one of the episodes in my life. thanks

nana - hey thanks

halley - oohh sama dengan my dadlah awak

anne - wehei timakacih

anggerik merah said...

My dear lollies,

happy b'day to you.

A very heart touching story!

OndeOnde said...

oh, sungguh poignant!

HAPPY birthday to you! and may Allah Bless you with so many rahmah and barokah....

Dills said...

Happy Birthday to you. Mine was last 15th lah. Virgo la kite yer. Anyway, i menangis baca citer you ...

Eh kalau i larat i mungkin menjual at bazaar ramadhan this Friday.Kalau tak, im still goin to be there menyebok tgk my frens menjual. Dtg tak?

Lollies said...

nazrah baby - oohh bulan puasa mengambil masa saya dengan terlampaunya. perhaps I will catch you one of these days. I miss you a lot. and thank you for calling me. You certainly made my day!!!!

AM - kesah kanak-kanak saya

OO - the memory indeed has been painful. to let it go was a relied

dills - waaahhh mek rajin nampak nak menjual. I tak taulah pergi ke tak. selalunya i tak pergi pun. loklak betul saya. confirm awak menjual ke tak. kalau awak jual I might change my mind. he he

Wei happy birthday to you. anak sekolah macamana? ada nangis?

~ahni~ said...

Alhamdulillah ko dah maafkan dia.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOLLIES!

elisataufik said...

weh sungguh tak aci you all ada pasar ramadhan.

so abang hadiah apa tahun ni?
cerita lah kat dia apa I dapat, mana lah tahu dapat inspirasi.. *wink*

Lollies said...

ah ni - Alhamdulillah tuhan nak tunjuk kat aku

elisa - marilah datang Qatar semata mata untuk bazaar ramadhan. :D

abang ehem kasi hadiah flash camera. sebab i yang merengek rengek nak.

nutty said...

oh what a lovely story, thank you for sharing.
and happy happy birthday to yoouu!

ADIEJIN said...

well i dont. i mean , i dont feel sorry for puan Mon. She made u carry the hatred for so long with a remark that was uncalled for.

Eh how r u keeping ah ? coming back for raya or not ?

rotidua said...

eeeee kenapa dia pee merata? I wanna know what happen to Dim.

36 colour pencil is by far the best present ever!

Happy Birthday Che Loll!

Screwboy said...

birthday ke?
tahun 72 ye?
tua ek?

haha

Ummu Layth said...

we can keep grudges for a long time kan?? Alhamdulillah dah maafkan. but if she wasn't demented kan.. would you have forgiven her though? (saja tanya what ifs)

happy birthday btw...nak tengok your hadiah dari your lover!

cikdinz said...

apa ke mende lah cikgu ni. nak suh jadi cam polis ke..

anyway, hepi besday...

ummi said...

Lollies..

Hmm so touching.. i nangis you..

lana said...

happy belated birthday, lollies.. susahlah takde alerts ni :P

Anul said...

waaaa...the 26-year of hatred seems to change into a forgiveness the moment u went to her and shaked her hands..=]

Lollies said...

nutty - that coming from you is an honour. thank you nutty

djin - heh heh. susah kan nak maafkan dia? tapi pasal dia sedih sangat tetiba i rasa macam pointless aje. I felt slightly juvenile. tapi you are right, of all the things that happen in school, this was the one I remembered most. because I changed after that.

roti - ha ha ha tak taulah dia. well the last I heard of Dim was that dia jadi cikgu. ha ha ha i wonder if she get any students like she was before.

screw - tapi gua nampak muda. eh ya ka? cakaplah yaaa

aliya - i think event ni happen at a very apt time. sangat apt in such that i can forgive. prior to that, one or two years I learned the power of forgiveness. I forgave someone and afterwhich a big burden was lifted. the time i met Puan Mon, was a sad time in my life. My mum was dying. It was a hard time for me. Puan Mon came as an old woman who was sick. It seemed like there was nothing else to do.

However, if she was not in the state she was, I'd probably won't forgive her.

And that is takdir at its work.

hadiah ah? alaa I got a camera flash yang menyebabkan banyak gambar i overexpose. beli awal sikit sebab kat Malaysia lagi best belu.

cik dinz - cikgu kan ada power. sometimes dia abuse sikit.

ummi - hugs ummi. I ingat pun i rasa sedih. lama i simpan rasa benci kat dia. and some of my teachers after that.

lana - lana kalau you nak buat alert you boleh click kat posts (Atom) bawah tu and send alerts to your email. kat efx2blog you can click RSS and send alerts tour email too.

anul - ya tapi proses yang di lalui tu menyebabkan it leads to that. its not an event on its own on my part

JoKontan said...

Happy Belated Birthday..

Dunno why, I just feel sad reading this..:-(

1 said...

happy birthday mummy. uh i was like one and a half month when u turn 8. heh.

the story. i really understand n fully commiserate wif u. i suffered similar situation in skool n still holding the grudges. mine was with my classmates. reading ur post made me remember that whats due haven't been paid. ure closing ur chapter and im still waiting for my closure. i've changed so much now that i can't wait for my own reckoning day.

bertique said...

selamat hari lahir cik lollies.

crita ni sungguh kena dgn bulan yg mulia nih .. hmm, make me think - i kena clearkan my hate list nih ..

bila nak dtg sini ?

Lollies said...

jo - harapnya sad yang good feeling gitu ya.

wan - closure tu memang penting. kekadang ia datang tapi di sangka-sangka. when you least expected. Hugs for you

betik - panjang ke list itu? saya punya panjangag jugak. tapi puan mon dah strike outlah. :D

laa mana ada cuti. awak tu pulak nak celah dah

Theta said...

Dear Lollies,
Nice story to share on your birthday.
I'd be angry too if I were in your shoes, to be blindly accused and humiliated at a very young age.
But I'm glad you had found closure in a chance encounter.
You know, I still hold a BIT of a grudge against my Home Science teacher for slapping the side of my face. Even my own mother doesn't slap me!

moshimoshi said...

yeay! happy birthday to us! ;)

i remembered you telling me the story about the kecik-kecik history only. the more recent history takde pulak cerita. what does she have? something like that person yang you, me and gart knows ke?

MULAN said...

happy belated besday queen lollies...!!!! apa king of the house kasi u tahun ni?

famygirl said...

selamat hari jadi :)

UglyButAdorable said...

happy birthday lolls..dun we all have stories about our teacher..

Lollies said...

theta - slapping eh? I don't think I can forgive the teacher who did that to me too. I had an experience of such as well.

mosh - err i tak faham. apa tu yang we know tu?

famy - thank you babe

uba - and we thank them for making us what we are now

Gartblue said...

aiseh .. aku tak sempat lak nak wish ko .. padan muka aku .. dah terlepas .. i looked at the date and figured out that 18 is a factor of 9 and instantly remember you.

anyways .. this is a story worthy of public viweing. kudos woman!

and happy happy birthday!

mosh said...

tak paham? is she suffering what salleh is suffering ke? that total loss of memory thingy?

Hansac said...

I had a bad fight with my BM teacher when I was in form 5. It made me hate the BM subject so much, I did not study for it. Dapatlah C6. Nasib baik.

Nectar said...

Happy belated birthday dear Lollies.
Dulu masa djh 3, saya pun ada berdendam dgn cikgu. Sebabnya dia tuduh saya meniru Matematik dan suruh berdiri atas kerusi dan rotan kaki saya. Selain tu, dia juga selalu cari salah saya. Saya cakap kat mak, tak mau maafkan cikgu tu sampai bila-bila.
Saya tak pernah jumpa dia lagi sejak 1980. Mungkin dia dah aruah. Tapi sejak setahun dua ni saya dah maafkan dia. Perasaan marah dah hilang, mungkin sebab saya sendiri dah tua dan tau tak ada gunanya berdendam lagi dengan orang yang agaknya tak ingat saya pun.

Zainudin said...

SELAMAT HARI JADI ,anak Ayah,Ayah terlupa kerana leka bulan Puasa ni,anyway semoga anak ayah hidup gembira dan sihat selalu