18th of September 1980

It was in the year 1980, on the same date, I turned eight. And like the years before, i would have probably received simple gifts from my parents like a pencil or eraser or a sharpener and my mum probably cooked something extra special.

But it was the day after my birthday that I actually got a surprise. There was this girl in my class. She was not actually a friend. In fact I stayed away from her. She was quite a naughty person. She likes to hit and pinch. She says vulgar word. She likes lifting the girl's skirt. She even take off her panties and pee in public. But everyone has a kind heart right? Particularly when the naughtiest girl in school present you with a gift that you can only dream of receiving.

She surprised me with a colour pencil set! The expensive colour set! Oh I still remember it. There were 36 different colours. Imagine 36! Mine was only six. And there were all long sophisticated pencils. While mine was the short ones. Put in a colourful tin box. There was a picture of a colourful carousel, coloured in pencil colours. Obviously if one can own this kind of pencil colour set, one can colour a carousel as wonderful as this.

I was ecstatic! This has got to be the best gift in my whole eight years of life. One of the colours was heavily used though, I pointed to the girl, let's call her Dim. She said, she didn't plan to give it to me, but since she knew it was my birthday, she thought of giving it to me.

It really did not matter. A pencil colour set in a tin box. Every girl dream I must say! Well at least for me.

I showed it to my parents. They were surprised but were happy for me. I remembered my dad telling me that I should keep it at home and not bring it to school, so that I wouldn't accidentally lose it or even risk being stolen. i obliged. I slept happily that weekend.

On Monday morning, the week after next, I was yet surprised again. this time it was not a pleasant one. I was summoned to the headmistress' office. My BM teacher, Puan Mon, had a grim face when she told me. I have always been a good girl you know. I don't think I have ever done anything wrong. I was the assistant monitor. I was helpful and always keep myself of trouble. As I walked out of the class, Puan Mon said, did you get yourself a pencil colour set, Lollies?

I smiled and wondered how did she know.

I was made shocked in the headmistress' room. Apparently I was asked whether I stole any pencil colours from San, another girl in class. What? Steal? I never steal anything. I may be poor, but I don't steal! And plus San is really a nice girl. No No! i did not steal. I explained everything. Headmistress seemed satisfied and called Dim into her room.

I got back to class. Puan Mon still eyed me suspiciously. Even though i did not steal anything, but it sure felt like I did. I felt bad. I felt guilty. I felt that no one was on my side. She is a thief. I know why she steals. Look at her. She wears old short uniform. She didn't have anything. Surely she has been eyeing that set. San just bought it you know, in Singapore. And she stole it.

I was angry. I hated Dim. How could she got me in this trouble! What have I done to her?! Why did I trust her? because she had a carrot and I was a horse?

Later my dad came to school. I was so in trouble. My dad would be angry. I know. Dim's dad was there too. I didn't know what happen to Dim. What I know was my name was cleared. San talked to me again and apologised for suspecting me. Why wouldn't she, after she saw me clutching the pencil colour.

But, Puan Mon who looked authoritive all the while, said to me, in class out loud, "Lain kali kalau orang kasi hadiah, ceklah dulu barang curi ke tak?!" (The next time you received a gift, do check whether it is actually stolen or otherwise!)

I may be eight then, but I just cant tell you how angry was I with her statement. How can she patronise me like that? Really, who checks presents?? Not only that she did not recognise that I was innocent, she had to find a way saying how wrong I am. What about Dim? Why didn't she say anything to her?

For the first time in my life, I lost some of my innocence. I learn to hate a teacher. I hated Puan Mon. I am very skeptical with most BM teachers after that. I hated teachers who are narrow minded. That year, I believe, was the year that I slowly turned into a rebel. The year I turned eight.

It was when I went back to Malaysia the year my mum passed away (Feb-April 2006), that I bumped into Puan Mon again. It was 26 years after. She looked older. So was I. She was walking to the same eating place my dad and I was at. She was with her husband and her children. her children are all adults.

My dad said, that's Puan Mon. Uhuh, I replied. Go and shake hands with her. Don't want, I remarked. I hate her. My dad smiled. he said, she doesn't remember you know. I rebutted, well I do. I remember everything.

Apparently, Puan Mon's husband is also my dad's friend. What luck! So when we were about to leave, my dad walked to them. I had to follow. Of course I had to salam Puan Mon. An actress that I was, as I salamed, I said to her that I was her student back in my primary school. She held my hand tight, and she began to cry. I was surprised. Apa orang tua ni? kememeh lah pulak.

Her husband smiled a bit and apologised to me. He said, she doesn't remember anything. She lost her memory a year ago. whenever any of her students come to her, she would feel sad, because she didn't even know that she was a teacher. She doesn't even remember me nor her children. but we all love her all the same. I looked at Puan Mon's daughter, she smiled at me and said thank you for remembering her. I couldn't say much except that I am sorry to hear that.

Suddenly, all the hatred that I felt was pointless. All those memories harboured within me leaving perhaps a very black spot in my heart was insignificant. How can I continue hating her, when she doesn't even remember anything.

I forgave her. 26 years after.