Saturday, September 22, 2007

I Can't Stop Crying

Aku belai anak kecilku dari dia kecil lagi. Aku limpahkan kasih sayang kepadanya. Bila dia besar aku terapkan disiplin. Aku kongsi ilmu bersamanya. Aku perhatikan dia membesar di hadapanku. Setiap detik menggembirakanku. Hilai ketawanya. Sedu sedannya.

Dia peluk aku pagi semalam. Dia peluk aku pagi ini. Dia mahukan sesuatu dan memujukku. Aku buat tak layan. Dia sugul. Comelnya. Kasihnya aku padanya.

Dia minta dimasukkan ke kelas ballet. Ibu tak ada duit. Dia sugul. Tapi masih lagi dia datang memelukku.

Ibu masak sedap. Dia senyum memandang aku. Bundar matanya penuh cahaya. Aku kasih padanya.

Dia bergaduh adik beradik. Ibuuu tengok dia ni, jerit dia. Rimas aku. Tapi bila semua tak ada, aku rindukan hingar bingar. Aku rindukan pelukkannya.

Janganlah engkau, syaitan bertopengkan manusia, ambil itu semua dari aku. Engkau, manusia selaku haiwan, dengan nafsu serakah engkau. Hati binatang engkau. Apa hilang sifat kemanusiaan engkau. Engkau merosakkan kehidupan anak kecil itu. kehidupan keluarganya. Keluarga yang memberi kasih sayang sesama mereka. Tidak ada sedikitkah lagi sifat belas kau?




I was talking to my friends about my kids transportation to school. One of them remarked, you parents are so paranoid. I played in the kampong throughout my childhood. I cycled to school in quiet road. I enjoyed my childhood.

I enjoyed my childhood too. I walked 15 minutes from school when I was in primary. I cycled to my religous school. I go to pasar malam. I go places.

It was perhaps safer back then or I was just lucky.

But I feel afraid to take similar risk with my children. Am I hampering them with great life outdoor? But can they really be safe anywhere. If in the security of home do not promise anything. I feel scared. Scared for my children.

But to my friend, I said, you obviously do not have children of your own.

AlFatehah Nurin. Dunia ini kejam. Tempatmu di syurga sekarang, anak kecil.

11 comments:

anggerik merah said...

Very very sad. Those days are different when we were young. I can never trust my lil man to be alone outside ever since this incident. I am scared and worried too.

Ummu Layth said...

memang masa kita kecil2 dulu biasa je main kat luar or cycle to the playground.

i wouldn't let my kid(s)go off on their own now. evil has grown since our time.

don't quite understand the first story heh

Lollies said...

AM - kita akan jadi generasi yang too over protective. I don't know wether that will hamper their creativity as well. :(

ummi layth - oh sorry. first story tu pasal mengenangkan anak2 i sendiri kalau terjadi peristiwa macam arwah nurin. i jaga dia dari kecil. i beri mereka kasih sayang. syaitan bertopengkan manusia ni suka2 aje nak rosakkan kebahagiaan itu dengan kejam. I was angry and sad masa tulis tu. air mata meleleh-lele jadi entah apa2 lah i tulis. ha ha ha

Lollies said...

Oh i baru perasan, the word Engkau might cause confusion ya. I tukar sat ya. jap

Dills said...

hmm..salah satu sebab kenapa i nak duduk Doha. Walaupun sini tak la sehapenning KL tapi safety wise masih boleh dikira selamat. I nak bawak kereta dkt negara sendiri pun dah rasa takut takut je selalu and i never park my car at the basement anymore ever since Canny Ong Lay Kian got murdered. Shes my frend...sad..sad..

..byk lah lagi sebab sebab i harap i dpt duduk sini lama..

psstt..smlm i berjual..hehe...

Ummi said...

Lollies,

Oh yes..memang kadang2 rasa macam kongkong anak2 ni. Tapi nak buat macam mana memang di sini dah tak safe lagi. When my 15 year old daughter pergi KLCC with her friends, I was there to with the rest of my kids, just to make sure that she is safe. Dia main bowling pun i dok hang around for two hours nearby.

mosh said...

it is unfortunately a grim world that we are living today. let's just hope that it will get better instead of worse for the sake of our future generations

Lollies said...

dills - quite true i suppose. we feel safer here. kereta tak kunci pun tak apa. walaupun ada jugak kes tapi isolated. however, could it be because it is not reported? (paranoid me thinking) tapi in a way yes i feel safer.

menjual apa tuuuu? ada manyak untung?

kak ummi - tu yang sedih tu.

mosh - tapi i doubt it lah. I think its the price we pay for modernity. some people get sicker.

ummi said...

Lollies..

Dush.. blog ku dapat dijejaki..tersilap langkah lah tu he he anyway thanks for dropping by.. citer merapu je tu, ..yes I am very much older than you.. anak pun dah pmr..

Gartblue said...

oh lolls!

Been reading all I could get on Nurin and they made me even sadder. I have 3 girls and the fear is just so intense.

aku sedey!

OndeOnde said...

...dan airmataku belum lagi kering...