Open the door of mercy

I can't describe the feeling of driving to Makkah after the meeqat. The feeling of I am getting so near but am not sure of Allah's Qadr whether I would have the privilege of being His guest. Reciting the talbiyah this time round bring out a different spirit altogether. reciting it with full of hope that Allah doesn't cut me off. Reciting it to calm me down. Reciting it saying that I am now responding to His call.

I remembered really looking at the Talbeeyah sometime last year and fully reflecting the meaning. The talbeeyah got me at "Here am I responding O' Allah.."...لَبَّيْكَ اللّهُمَّ

And I knew that I need to do this. The talbeeyah is no more the recitation people say on TV each time the hajj season comes. And then each hajj season out comes this nasyid

Bulan haji telah tiba lagi
Menunaikan ibadah panggilan baitullah
Tanah suci Mekah
Ya Mekkatul Mukaramah

Anywaaayy..like I said after reflecting, it is something that I NEED to do. No more has it become I should. I need this. I need to respond to His call. And I was becoming afraid of my increasing age.

I began to prepare myself mentally, spiritually (tak cukup pun..:( ), physically (bolehlah sikit-sikit exercise) and financially (more like controlling the monthly budget).

So you can imagine that when I see the km counting down on the GPS, how nervous I became. Here I am O Allah responding to your call

Haziq who was the most zealous perhaps recited it loudly and really quick. He distracted my rhythm. I had to tell him to slow down and recite it together. It was a 70 km journey from the meeqat to Masjidil Haram. I did get tongue tired. Cannot imagine the older times when they walked or used the camel..

And suddenly the overzealous boy got quiet. Laa tidur rupanya. :P

Having put away our things, settled the kids and ate dinner, we walked to Masjidil haram at 12 in the morning. I felt like running.

And there it was. The Kaabah.

All emotion stopped for a few second.

I didn't cry like I expected I would.

But when I recited the supplication

۔ اَللّهُمَ افْتَحْ لِي أَبْوَابَ رَحْمَتِكَ

You probably have read this when you go to any masjid anyway. But in the Masjidil Haram, in front of the Kaabah saying

O! Allah! Open for me the gates of Your Mercy

And that jolted me and all emotion came back.

Here I am..Allah has been Merciful to this slave who is not worthy any of His Mercy. Praises are all to Him.

We all are in need of His Mercy.