Condolonces

I went to a friend's aqiqah last Friday. She just gave birth to a healthy baby boy. There wre many people there. Nearly every Malaysian in Qatar. Wonderful occassion. And the roast lamb and briyani ohh sungguh sedap. Pengsan.

That night also, many people came up to me and wished me condolonces for my loss. Many remembered about my helter skelter of my difficulties to go home when my late mum was admitted into the ICU and couldn't imagine my sadness for the loss of my brother. I repeated the story about my late brother numerous times that night.

This good lady who said to me, "I wanted to call you the other day to send my condolonces but I was afraid I didn't know what to say."

I smiled and told her my story instead. When I was young(er), maybe five years ago, I had a good friend whom his father passed away. I know he is very closed to his dad and I could only imagine he must be devastated. I didn't call him. I didn't even text him. Not a single word of sorry from me. He did mention a month after that that he wished I had said something. For it does make a difference. What more that we are good friends.

I was afraid then to say anything. I was afraid I might say the wrong thing. I was afraid that he might break down and I didn't know how to handle. I thought many have send condolonces anyway, one more wouldn't make a differenece. I thought I should wait till he get out of his sadness then I will say something. I couldn't face the emotion.

After experiencing two losses of my beloved ones, not that it makes me an expert or anthing, but I can tell you this receiving condolonces from friends be it close friend or otherwise or even a total stranger keeps you sane. It's like you feel that people care. It seems like a trivia but feeling that people care and supporting you is the soup for your soul. It warms your heart the moment your heart turns cold in sadness. It bonds you with the people you love. It makes you feel that you are not alone going through the pain. And that feeling helps you cope with the sadness.

It didn't even matter what people say to you. I received text messages saying, I do not know what to say . Even the I do not know what to say was good enough for me. I certainly appreciate the gesture. Or what about this text message, "I am sorry for your loss but who is this? Ha ha ha looking at rotidua.

I don't think there can ever be anything wrong for anyone to say unless of course you laugh and find the whole thing funny. Eeeiii how uncivilised.

Even having to repeat the story over and over again helped me. This of course depends on one's tolerance level, so if you want to ask, I think you should play it by the ears. SOme might be to devastated to repeat the same story over and over again. But as for me, the process of talking actually help me to console myself. It helped me to embrace the sixth pillar of faith stronger. Believing in the divine will. This is perhaps the hardest rukun iman for anyone to fully accept when catastrophe befallen on one. But the constant reminder from the wonderful friends that you have will always put you in the correct path. This is akin to voltage capacitor helping boost a low voltage to somewhat the desired level.

For that my friends, do not be afraid to send condolonces to your friend when he/ she is experiencing losses of their beloved ones. Every little thing that you do help them to cope.

It certainly helped me.

Pesanan di bawa oleh Lollies the Domestic Goddess dengan harapan untuk kebahagiaan manusia sejagat.