I Can't Cook

before that is....

I've never cooked throughout my teenage life. Don't blame it on me. Blame it on my mum. He he..she was never forceful enough to make me cook and I was so in love with the TV. I must, I must be whipped to the kitchen.

I couldn't cook before, even if my life depended on it. Well, that's an exaggeration, of course. I could boil water. Both using the electric kettle and the non-electric one. But I won't guarantee that there would be any water left in the latter, unless it's a whistle one.

I could..err..cook instant noodles. And mind you, I use pots, not just boil the noodles in a tupperware or a pail like some people. Excuse me, I may not be able to cook, but when I do..it must be done in style.

And and and I could (and still can) boil rice WITHOUT the electric rice cooker. See see..can you do that? Even now? And mind you, the rice would come out nice too.

And I could do any camping food..baked beans and anything from the can. Yes I could heat up food..not using the microwave. Hah!

And I could toast bread and spread peanut butter on it.

Anyway enough of my bragging. My not so skillful days in the kitchen was really tested when I went to UK as a student. I got a house along with four other strangers. We agreed to take turn to cook. Actually, I silently did not agree. I mean sure you can survive with bread, fish and chips, flapjack, cheese and onion pie right? But cook I had to.

So in a real state of panic, I looked for some really easy recipe for me to start with. A nice kind senior who I was sure wouldn't tell anyone of my handicap, gave me the recipe for chicken rice. Hmmm looks easy enough.

So there I was, in one of the cold winter days trying to cook.

Made the soup. I cautiously put in salt and sugar so that I won't overdo it. The chicken soup is the mother of any chicken rice. You got it right on the soup, you are actually half way there.

Then I boiled the rice. Carefuly measuring the soup to be put into the rice. Hopefully it doesn't turn into porridge instead or worst, burnt!

Then acording to the recipe, it's nice if I can take out the chicken from the soup, marinade it in soy sauce, oyster sause, tomato sauce and later fried.

That's easy. Frying is easy. I can do frying. So I fried the chicken.

Then chop chop the garnishing for decoration purposes. At least even it taste awful, it would look good. Remember, in style?

But but but..I must have turned the gas too strong. My chicken was burnt! Black black chicken!

Die! Die!

I don't mind going hungry but there are four others who must be dead hungry by now. I did take nearly two hours doing this chicken rice thing. Yes that long..

Think Lollies, think! Cover up! Cover up!

So I sliced up the burnt part. Slice! Slice! Get rid of the evidence. Somehow out of habit, I popped some of the slices in my mouth. Hey! Wait a minute! This doesn't taste burnt! Not at all. In fact I must say, it tasted. ehemmm, quite good.

Then logic hit me, if you fried up chicken marinated with soy sauce and oyster sauce, which apparently are black in colour, the product wouldt turn up....err black?



Drool and salivate over my excellent culinary products now.