Mixed Feelings

I am leaving for Q@tar Friday 2045 (]apparently this is a different time than I tought earlier. So it's at 9p.m. not 4p.m.) flight Q@tar Airways. I wanted to go back on Thursday but there is only morning flight which I am lazy to take. I am leaving for KL today though. Taking the chance to register for Batrisyia's primary school, 2008 intake, just in case. *wink*.

Mixed feelings indeed for me to leave this country again. Naturally I am sad for my dad. A grown man, so used to a companion, living alone can be hard. Sigh. I just hope he can cope with it. I encourage him to join more games, other than the badminton session, to fill his time. I pointed out an archery club. He seemed interested. In fact I will suggest him voluntary work if he wants too. And I hope he will come to stay with me as soon as he can.

On the other hand I am excited to see my lover after a whole long two months. We have never been apart for this long. Man! I am in fact nervous. Tee hee hee.

Do I look fat? I have been eating good food so much, I seriously think I am building more curves than before. And my skin, oh dear. Staying in the hospital, I didn't bother much cleaning it. It's a bit coarse now I think. I went for facial. Then I trimmed my hair a bit. I bought some new clothes. One with a very low neckline, which Batrisyia didn't approve of me wearing it. (Why is it that all cute tops are so small and such low neck lines). But I will wear it on Saturday morning in Q@tar. *Winks.* Oh my! Oh my! I didn't bother with lingeries though for I can find better over there. They come in all sizes.

The other thing, this next trip to Q@tar, I must say I am a bit more relaxed compared to the previous. I was crying all the time then. Four months ago I left with a feeling of fear that I will lose my mother. The fear that became a reality. But Allah is merciful, despite all that, I had the chance to be with her, to talk to her even. An intense quality time together. I get to say everything I wanted. Forgive me Ibu for all the sins I have made towards you. I told her of my memories when I was a little child. To this she smiled. Such as it is, I am content. And I can go with a smile in my heart. She will always be with me. AlFatihah.

A new life is to begin. I will face it, chin up and all, with anticipation.