Ubat to get taller

I had to take some antibiotics. This is for the pimples which are actively nesting on my face. *stress*

So this one fine morning I was taking the pill, Jack asked me. What is that ubat for?

I was drinking at that time,and did not answer immediately.

So he assisted and suggested his own answer, "Is it to make you taller?"

WHAT???? I felt like choking water and pill altogether!

First of all, there is no ubat to make you taller. (Or is there?)

And secondly why do I need that? Am I that short?


Err ok no need to answer. :P

Masya Allah

When I only had Haziq, I bought this book from UKS entitled What do we say by Noorah Kathryn Abdullah. In the book are basic phrases of what we should say when we do certain things. Like saying Bismillah before we begin to eat and end it with Alhamdulillah.

And in the book also I found this, it says to say Masya Allah when we see something nice or when we see something we like.

Wait a minute! Don't we say Masya Allah when we are angry or see something we don't like? Hmm fonkius.

Anyway, that was my first encounter on the word Masya Allah. But then I rarely used the word back then.

Until I came over here. People often use Masya Allah. You do something good. Masya Alah. You look good (ehem ehem), Masya Allah. So now I am used to use Masya Allah when I praise or when I see something I like. In fact I also learned that when we praise someone, you should say Masya Allah and add it with tabarakallah or Allahumma Bareek. Not only that you are giving recognition that All good things come from Allah, but it is indeed one way to ward off evil eye out of your envy to the person you are praising (another topic perhaps).

So I was surprised when I went for Hajj with my Malaysian friends. They reminded me of how I used to use Masya Allah when I am angry. I really didn't know how to tell them because tak nak nampak macam makcik berleter. Ya Rabb May You guard and guide my tongue.

But nak jadikan cerita, sometime over there some makcik arab would come near us and said Masya Allah. We must have been doing something good. Masya Allah my lady friends. Sometime in the apartment. Elsewhere too.

But the last straw was in masjid nabawi. We were discussing something from the Quran, someone came near us, looked at us and said Masya Allah. Miss L, finally said. What did we do wrong?

I asked, "Err what do you mean?"
Why are they saying Masya Allah all the time?

*Smiles*

So I told them..

Anyway akademik meaning dia is "As Allah may wish" Used on happy occassion, reflecting a Muslim's total surrender to divine will. This phrase is used when admiring or praising something or someone, in recognition that all good things come from God and are blessings from Him.

"So," they asked, "They are not angry at us lah?"
No they are not. (I think kita ni selalu ingat orang arab ni nak marah kita agaknya)In fact they are praising you.

And I added, "Remember when we were at Raudhah, and you were not happy people are pushing you?"
Uhuh, they replied.
"And you retorted and you said, "Please stop pushing! Masya Allah!!". I think they are confuse, ko marah dia ke ko puji dia. Sebab tulah they kept pushing you."

kih kih kih.

"habis! Habis! Habis!" my friends said, "What do we say if we angry or not happy?"

Errr I don't know lah.

Astaghfirullah?
or tell them to istighfar?
Or perhaps if you feel that you are going to blow up, you can say, Audzubillahhi minah shaytoni rojim?
Maybe you can tell me.

Masih Lagi Orang : Panama

These videos reminded me of when I was initially not accepted to go for hajj. I can still remember the anxiety waiting for the sms by the hajj comittee. And finally to hear that I was not accepted by them.

I can't describe the feeling for the lack of good words. I was blanketed in loss of the chance of the greatest ibadah of not being able to go for hajj. To fulfill the fifth pillar. That my age is increasing. And I could die anytime. And that I need the hajj. That my heart is there and I need to be there too.

At the same time I know this is Qadr Allah and that everything is a test. Indeed. It gives me different perspective of things. Got money. Got health. Got mahram. Got means. Got help. Want to go. All means are there. If Allah wills otherwise, then it is otherwise. From the start He is the best planner.

And when turn of events happen, I appreciate the acceptance more. Syukur! Syukur! And the semangat was overwhelming! Even thinking of those times, made me feel bersemangat.

I remembered watching this move, panggilan kaabah (apparently this is not the title. This is the title of the famous nasyid. :P apa title cerita ni ah?), or something. Acted by fauziah Nawi and perhaps Abu Bakar Omar (kot?). Anyway the wife wanted to go for hajj so much. But the husband was lax about it. Tak sampai seru kinda thing. Wifey makes dua and save up her money. She worked really hard. Doing kebun work or something like that. Oh ya, setting : kampung.

And she was always crying. Sebab tak taulah macamana nak dapat pergi haji. Sebab hubby tak nak pergi.

And then turn of event, hubby nak pergi. And they begin their preparation.

And still she cries of the thought of seeing the kaabah with her own eyes. And the thoughts of hajj itself. Fauziah Nawi memang terer part ni. Masya Allah.

That crying, I didn't get it before. What's with all the cries?

But now, it's a different story. Praises to the One who changes the heart. Praises are all to Allah!

Siapa tau tajuk cerita tu?

May Allah make it easy for brother Ray.

More Orang : Japan

I am very touched with this video. May Allah make it easy for the ummah to live the deen.

It overwhelms me to see the daawah effort in a place where we (I) would think is impossible for Islam to reach. Their strive and strength overwhelm me. May Allah reward them with abundance of goodness.

May Allah bring guidance to more people.

Orang

The hajj package I went with are mixed of majority arabs, some indians (very few) and second majority are Malaysians (50 of us). So we Malaysians were that many, we can fit into one bus.

And I suppose just as there were challenges going with your same people, there are challenges going with others too. Particularly when we don't speak the same language. I like to pick my battles though. Like I would chose not to rebutkan the washing machine. There was only one to be shared with hundreds. Or like my friend she wakes up at 230 just so she can use the machine without having to main chop chop with others. I chose to basuh pkai tangan aje.

Or i would chose to take my shower at 330 in the morning when I was at Mina. So I don't have to hear people knocking at my door, "Yala! yala! Suru'ah! Suru'ah!" shouting for me to come out quickly.

And be polite. And one can always learn the word, i am sorry in arabic and use it when needed. But that does not mean you should let them pijak your head and take your space in the van. :P. That's the only battle I really picked. I really ran for the van I tell you. Tak kasi can punya. Tertinggal van kalu, haru, silap-silap kena jalan kaki balik.

I am glad I am taking the arabic class. Even though it is too little to be able to make a decent conversation. But I did befriend with a few of them. Walaupun cakap macam ayam itik. :P

And everywhere you see muslims from all over the world. I personally think it's a wonderful sight. Regardless some of the things they do may not be comprehensible or according to OUR norm. Silap-silap our norm yang pelik in their eyes. But the fact that they are Muslims who some of them made a lot of sacrifice to make hajj is already an overwhelming feeling by itself. Subhanallah!

I saw some group from China. based on the language they spoke which sound like mandarin. Like the classic china movie. Most of them are old. But mind you, way fitter than, uhuk uhuk, me. We found buses from Russia. And some lorries also from Russia modified into caravan like buses. Subhanallah! We saw so many colours. So many nationalities. All are there to respond to Allah's call.



And we do share common language. Give salam and say hajj mabrur, insya Allah. I think at least you can get a free du'a also. :D

Reminds one of this ayah, Hajj 22:27

And proclaim to mankind the Hajj (pilgrimage). They will come to you on foot and on every lean camel, they will come from every deep and distant (wide) mountain highway (to perform Hajj).(27)

Anyway, so I befriended a makcik arab ni. I learned a few arabic words. Fil ful artinya pedas. She learned a few english words. husband artinya zauj. She also learn the word Good very good. And we exchanged du'a here and there. At one time she even made ruqya on me and asked me to do the same to her. We joked. Which is amazing because we spoke like ayam itik. There can always be something funny when you say Cluck cluck cluck and quack quack quack. or mix of all of it. Cluck quack cluck quack. Hahahhaha.

One day, Allah made me chanced on this ayah. And I recited the ayah to her. Al Hujurat 49:13

O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allâh is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa. Verily, Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Aware. (13)

While I slowly read it from the quran, she dengan bersahajanya continued the ayah for me. She was so happy to hear the ayah and hugged me. To this I said, "haiya! Dua! Dua!"

Du'a is also a common word among us Muslims.

I want to share two video clips. About some people from Xian preparing to go to hajj.





Really I am humbled to Allah.

Hujan

Subhanallah! It rained in Mina on the 8th Dzulhijah. Cats and dogs and all animals. Thunder and lightning.

The tell tale signs were there. When we were in Makkah, the dark clouds peeked now and then. In fact when I did my umrah (Hajj tamattu'), the weather was very pleasing and there were big clouds shading the sun. Alhamdulillah.

And when it rained in Mina, I felt so blessed. Earlier on, anticipating rain, the "engineers" among us tied up a few loose ends of the tent. And when it rained, our side, I must say, was a bit more secure. And because we had to shift places a few times, we actually escaped the spot where not only it leaked but there were mini waterfall there.

Still, even though the tent was fire proof, it is not bocor proof. So being the genius that we are, we used brollies in the tent.

We reminded each other to take the opportunity to make dua during the rain (one of the times that dua is most maqbul). And there we were, sitting in the tent in Mina on the 8th Dzulhijah with brollies, making dua.

It was really nice.

And the days after that was wonderful, adding pleasantness throughout our hajj journey. I thank Allah for the rain. I believe this has made everything so much easier. Praying in Arafah was pleasant. The stay in Mudzalifah was not sticky. The long walk Mudzalifah-Mina-Makkah was cooling. And there were shades of clouds everywhere.

However, the day we were going back to Doha, I found out what really happen in the outside world when it rained that day. Apparently there were devastation in Jeddah. There were fatalities. Loss of live. Loss of properties. Subhanallah! From the newspaper report I saw, it was almost like a tsunami. With cars mangled on top of each other! Cars flatten beyond recognition! slabs on road surfaces! Bridges toppled! People drowned caught in the flood water!

Inalillahhi wainna Ilaihi rojiun. may Allah replace their loss with something better.

Subhanallah. I was shocked. Now I understood why my dad, when I called him after ifadah, asked me whether I was caught in the flood. Flood? What flood? The only thing I saw was some raised water at a car park. But that is a normal scene in the middle east countries - the countries that has no drainage system. And my friend was saying, "Laa patutlah kawan aku tanya ko tak kena banjir ke?" And when he asked, "What banjir" The other person said, "Ko ni pergi ke tak haji ni?"

Pardon me, I have not been following any news at all throughout hajj.

Subhanallah! Allah with His power can give blessings and tests to whomever He wants.

I really do not know what to feel or say or write. I thank Allah for His bounties but I feel sorry that for the same bounty I received was a big test to others. Qadr Allah. All in Allah's wisdom. Who can tell whether for any bounty you receive is also a test for someone else? And for the test you receive, someone else is receiving some rizq. Or the law may not even apply. Allah knows best. To Him belongs all Dominion.

Oh Allah shower upon us abundant rain beneficial not harmful, swiftly and not delayed.
(Abu Dawood. See al albani sahih abu Dawood)

One of the dua's you can make when it rains.



Similar post I wrote once HERE.

Fourth Year

Today, the 12th December 2009, is our fourth year here residing in Doha. Alhamdulillah. Yes time flew fast. And even though many times, I do not know where my time went, but I think it has been quite a full four years of my life.

I looked back at those times, because I kept some memories in the blog. The building up towards 12th december 2005. I do feel the sadness of leaving and I still understand why I was sad the way I was.

Even though there were not many posts in December 2005, mainly because I did not have the computer nor the internet, I still remembered the emotional time of my first few months staying here.

It was relatively hard because we did not have a car back then and public transports sucks. But Mr Drive Fast and Ms Fashion designer helped us alot. And we are thankful for that. But many times we find ourselves waiting for the cab with loads of plastic bags in the cold.

But it was a nice adventure for the family.

I also remembered because of the time difference between Malaysia and Doha, which is 5 hours difference, my children would be pooped out by 7p.m. which is essentially 12 midnight in Malaysia. Thus they were always sleeping in the shopping trolley because we had to shop for basic essentials. And we can only do it when lover come back home after work.

But the kids were ok about it.

And despite the "adventure", we can talk about it and smile. And secretly I am relieve that my children go through some tough time. It sort of builds one's character. Thinking back, it was too little to complain.

And also because we took the cab so much, I know some part of the road and could actually assist some newbies taxi drivers.

My first few months was filled perhaps with sadness, anger, boredom and yet thrill of a new possible adventure in this new country.And most of all, despite the argument, I am thankful that we the whole family are together. And because I am a very independent person thus an independent mum, wife and woman, I need to have my husband with me. I know myself too well...

Even though not all are spelt in the blog, but I can still remember them. All kind o emotions were building up towards my mum admittance to the ICU which was followed by her death. May Allah forgive her. May Allah elevate her status. And may we all be reunited in Jannah.

It was perhaps a big turn after her death for me.

Why do I need to put up an entry of my fourth year. Well it is because I should be packing back to Malaysia and looking forward to my career or whatever that is left of what I had.

My lover's contract is done. However, he is renewing it Insya Allah. It is still not signed yet and no hard pressed discussion has been made. But going back is not the highest priority of choice at this moment.

As for me, if I cried buckets that we had to move to Qtar, I will cry even berkolah-kolah air mata if we had to leave now.

If in my first year, I had trouble connecting with people, now Allah has send me many friends whom I love for the sake of Allah. I like to keep myself busy and Alhamdulillah Allah has allowed me to be busy. And I love the sebok-sebokkan diri. May Allah put barakah in my time.

Understandably, this is not the country that I want to reside forever. Thus I pray to Allah, if He wills us not to stay here, to take us to a land where my family can preserve their deen and that there will be goodness for us there.

I think I was also 5 kilos lighter.

Dating

Since we are placed in separate room in both Mekah and madinah. Eh also Mina and Arafa. We hardly see each other. But Alhamdulillah we live in technology era and have phone with us, we can say hi just by calling or smsing. We can gaduh by sms also. Tak ada I tak gaduh dengan dia tau. Err..

But sometimes we meet up to get air tebu together. Ada jual air tebu near our hotel in Mekah. Yayyy! Or we went to get Saudi KFC called Al Baik. or pergi beli pisang. Or beli biskut-biskut. Or just to minum teh panas. he he. This is mainly after the umrah but before hajj time (hajj tamattu')

Call : Buat apa tu? Jom minum air panas sat.
Call : Awak nak makan apa ya? Nak saya bungkus tak?
Call : Awak dah dinner belum? Makan kat bawah jom.
Sms : Asal awak sombong dengan saya? Dah ada kawan baru tak mo layan kita ya? I dont want friend you.
Sms : Morning adzkar. Don't forget.
Sms : Pukul berapa turun naik van?
Sms : Saya ada masalah. Kentut saya busuk. Macamana nak kentut ni ramai orang dalam bilik.
Sms : Jumpa kat toilet no 8.
Sms : Pukul berapa nak jumpa?
Sms : 715
Sms : Lambatnya
Sms : kasi canlah
sms : pukul 7 lah
sms : Lecehlah awak ni! Saya jalan sendirilah.
Sms : ok 710

He he. Macam dating pulak.

Tidur

I didn't have trouble sleeping when we first reached Makkah. But I didn't pay much attention to it.

Until some of my housemates claimed that they couldn't sleep well. Perhaps it's a new place. Less comfortable bed.


My room sharing with 9 others.
The view in the morning outside my window. We stayed at Jabl Noor. Very near to Gua Hiraq.



To this I exclaimed, "Alhamdulillah! I have no problem sleeping at all. Letak je kepala terus tidur."

And qadr Allah, that very night I couldn't sleep a wink. I tossed and turned and still could not sleep. After sometime I remembered what i said during the day. I actually thought to myself, was there a hint of kerekness (takabur) in my words? Was saying Alhamdulillah not sufficient? Did I say Alhamduilillah because it is just logical to say it in the sentence? Was I really thankful that I could sleep? Because, man, sleep is definitely a nikmah especially at that time.

A closer self inspection, perhaps I did have a hint of kerekness when I said I could sleep. Perhaps I was saying, ahh miskeenahnya, tempat lain sikit aje tak boleh tidur. Aku ok aje. Allah knows best what is in my heart.

Having said that, I sometime wonder about me writing in this blog.

Whether it's ok or not.

Hmm











I asked forgiveness from Allah. I ask Him to allow me to sleep..

And that night was sufficient for me to be more aware of this nikmah of sleeping. I was worried of course because if I find it hard to sleep when the bed is comfortable, what about when I am in Mudzalifah, on hard ground, in a sleeping bag, and in a group of people. What about Mina where I will be sharing with more than a hundred people, pelbagai bangsa dan pelbagai ragam? And if Allah chose to make me not able to sleep for the rest of the journey, it will affect my ibadah. The whole purpose of me being there.


The tilam lenyek in my mina tent. Took the picture when I was alone in the tent.
And the huge aircondition in the tent.
In my first class accommodation in Mudzalifah. I am probably sending out or reading sms from the phone

And what does worry make one to become? Reliance on Allah.

The night when I slept at Mudzalifah (particularly), I asked Allah to make it easy for me. I asked Allah to allow me to sleep. To seal my ears like He sealed the ears of the youth in the cave.

Praises go to Allah, Allah allows me to sleep on all occasions. Waking up sometimes in the night, but woke up feeling that I had sufficient rest. Syukur my Lord for the nikmah.

I am taking a break from my classes and such for perhaps a week. I am coughing. Lover had a day mc. The children are taking turns having fever. But Alhamdulillah I can have this time introspecting myself. My journey. My actions.

A lot of work still.

Dream Hajj

Even more than a holiday, one should have a dream hajj.

And what would a dream hajj be? Irregardless of package one chooses (I have no qualm with expensive package), one's dream hajj should be the one who follows the hajj that our Prophet s.a.w. did as he clearly said, "Take from me your rites of pilgrimage."

However, not all hajj package organiser or we call it hamlah, are eager to follow the same rite. It is very likely that most would opt to take the very minimal of the rite and would exercise fully any exemption allowed to ease their operation. Even though many of the exemptions do not necessarily be allowed to be carried out on the pilgrims in the group. :(

And thus, needless to say, one really needs to arm oneself with knowledge particularly on how our prophet s.a.w. did his hajj. Compare this to the hamlah's "hajj rites" thus you can plan ahead. Talking to the people who went in the same hamlah previuosly helps. Take note of this if you are going when you are young and strong (relative) particularly man who are going single. Most exemptions are given to woman (and thus the mahram has to follow) and the weak. Single young men generally do not fall n this category.

Reiterating what everyone has already said, young is the time to go. Mainly because you don't know whether you can even get to the old age and also because of the physical requirement needed during hajj.

Having said that, the biggest challenge would be, you'll probably be among the strange one who are crazy to follow strictly on the rites as prescribed by our prophet s.a.w. Thus be ready to be the ghuraba and break from your group. Breaking from the group means you would be deprived from the main transportation. Thus be ready for extra physical exertion throughout hajj. May Allah give us strength and health when we do something for His sake and in obedience to His Messenger s.a.w. And on top of that Allah is the one who can make difficult things easy for you.

Unfortunately also, in the eagerness of doing ibadah, some tend to exert themselves to ibadah which does not follow the sunnah. Thus putting them at risk of wasting time and effort with ibadah that is rejected. And also, I find some doing things not in the sunnah leaving completely the wajib rite.

‘A’isha reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: He who innovates things in our affairs for which there is no valid (reason) (commits sin) and these are to be rejected. Muslim and Bukhari.

In short, a dream hajj should be following all the rites and guidelines as prescribed by Allah in the Quran and also the actions and sayings of Rasulullah s.a.w.. And the ultimate factor is, to whom are we doing all these for.

All said and done, I still know too little. I pray that Allah accept all my ibadah and my deeds. I pray that Allah accept my umrah and hajj. And that it will not be a wasted effort. I pray that Allah accept my dua. And I pray also that Allah grant hajj mabrur to all the pilgrims.

Tak Rindu Ke?

Praises go to Allah whom has made it easy for me and my husband to go through one of the most important and demanding ibadah.

One of the things I asked Allah was that he made it easy for me. And syukur to Him, that I didn't find things too difficult or perhaps He made me see difficult things easy. Allah knows best. One of the things I asked also to take care of my heart and my children's heart so we don't suffer throughout this separation.

Yes I cried and they cried when I finally bade farewell. The Fath's children cried too. Loi Loi who didn't cry exclaimed, "I feel like crying". Sya was the one most affected I must say. Haziq and Jack cried quietly.

However, Alhamdulillah, when I was there and each time I made calls to them, they seem ok and cheerful. Sya would blabber about her good marks and Haziq would sound like a robot and replied each time without fail that he is doing his homework when I asked him what he was doing. Jack would always rush through the conversation telling me that he has to go either to poop or pee or play something important.

This is in contrast to some other mummies with young children in my room. I shared with nine others (all Malaysians). The kids would be crying. This will be followed by the mum and there would be lots of consoling and more cries. And we mothers would console each other.

The build up towards hajj days get even worse. When even the idea of death are raised by the children. Its heart wrenching. Truly as the days to the actual hajj days (nearing 8th Dzulhijjah) became nearer, I got more nervous and I suppose everyone was. And the cries from the children affected the moms greatly.

I contemplated to call my children. I did anyway just because I am a mother who likes to trouble herself.

But my children are just the same happy children. Sya blabbered. Haziq doing his homework. And Jack was playing.

I received reports from my friend concerning my children through sms and Alhamdulillah, the reports confirmed that they are doing fine. I was relieved even though I did ask myself, aik tak rindu ibu ke?

But on a bigger scale, I think it helped me through Hajj. It made my heart content and it helped me to stay focus. Despite wondering whether they rindu me or not, I thank Allah that I don't have to spend my time with extra crying worrying about my children.

So I came home yesterday at 4 in the morning. The Faths picked me up. I told them not to wake the kids yet for they have school that day. Mr fath sent them to school as usual. I told him not to tell the kids that I am back. I had to go all the way and tell other mummies not to tell my kids and also their kids that I am back. So that they won't spoil the surprise. He he. I am going to surprise them when I picked them up in school later.

I almost had butterflies in the tummy waiting for afternoon to come.

As i walked through the school compound, I bumped into haziq first who greeted me with a shock and calmly hugged me tight. He looked a bit cengkung in the cheeks. He also looked almost adultish. I can almost see his strength in shouldering responsibilities.

By the way, I was told by my friends later, how he handled the incident of Jack falling. Jack fell down. He didn't break his crown though. Just perhaps a little scratch and a bruised ego. Haziq rushed to him. Asked where he is hurt. Sya also came to him. Then Haziq picked him up and carried him to the bed. Sya put a blanket on him. They consoled him. Then Jack slept.

Jack woke up one hour later as cheerful as ever. Haziq told me this fact.

I am proud of Haziq. I think he really took in the role as the big brother and handled his siblings well. I asked Allah to blanket him (and my children) with hidayah.

Back to the surprise pick up story, Sya came around a few minutes after and upon seeing me already have tears in her eyes. I opened my arms and she hugged me tightly and cried.

I made a special doa for Sya. Because I think of all my children I am probably hardest on her. Perhaps I have certain expectations, she being a girl. I don't know. Or perhaps I worry that she will be like me. And just like any parent, I want her to be better than me. And she being a girl, I expect her to embrace knowledge even more. But sometimes, I am too hard on her. Even though I do not want her to be like me, I treat her like as if she is me. *shameful*

I hugged her and kissed her and told her I love her. I am happy to see my girl who is still little. I wiped her tears and said I am here with you. Took her hand to go for Jack.

And Jack. He saw me and ran to me and jumped on me and basically was stuck on me for a long time. These all happened in front of his teacher. She actually said to me, "Finally!" as if she is so relieved. She said, Jack is less focus and not as cheerful. Ya ka tu?

And that night, we had dinner at Faths. Jack who was so busy playing, intermittently came to me either to report how well he played, or how he kept losing, or to kiss me, or to hug me or just to touch me.

And another round of tears from the children when they hugged their father.

Rindu jugak dia orang kat ibu dia ya.

Our hearts and prayers go out to the children who lost their parents. May Allah preserve them and protect them and replace them with something better.

Faster and Faster and Faster

Last minute news is that I will be leaving Doha on the Monday 16th November which is like tomorrow! Or if you are reading this on Monday, it's today! 6p.m. Qtar time.

I am taking the bus in case you are wondering. I know I said I wanted to take the plane. But we decided to change to bus with the thought of their strict rules against expat on planes. Apparently they are not strict. The day we got the news of acceptance, all those who insisted on plane packages got their confirmation too. :P Ala kulli hal. Qadr Allah. I am grateful to be chosen in the first place.

So I am leaving tomorrow. My children are a bit disappointed. Especially Sya. She kept asking me why why why earlier.

"Oh Allah I leave my children in the care of people I trust. Place love in the hearts of people towards them and preserve and protect them."

Tomorrow eh? Suddenly I am feeling jittery and nervous and wondered if I know all that I need to know or not. Oh Allah make it easy for me.

I'll be back insya Allah on the 4th or 5th December.

Thus I am taking this opportunity to seek your forgiveness for my shortcomings that you may find in me be it in my actions and my words. In my comments or in my posts all these while. I pray that you find it in your heart to forgive me. Pray for my safe journey and health and strength. And I pray for an accepted hajj. Ameen.

Lastly, I leave you in the care of Allah for who nothing that is in his care is lost.

The Woman's Strive

Pilgrimmage (Hajj)
Bukhari :: Book 2 :: Volume 26 :: Hadith 595

Narrated 'Aisha the mother of the faithful believers) said,
"O Allah's Apostle! We consider Jihad as the best deed." The Prophet said, "The best Jihad (for women) is Hajj Mabrur. "

Subhanallah. I understand from this hadith and the experience related by many of my friends, performing hajj will not be the easiest assignment for many people, what more a woman. I am anticipating hardship more than the usual. I am expecting tests imaginable and unimaginable.

And I ask Allah to bestow on me patience and perseverance. Patience has never been my best virtue. I ask Allah that I am also patient with my lover mostly. I pray that Allah will make it easy for me and my lover.

To add to this, I think all women go through emotional jihad. I am feeling very much so at the moment.

The other day I was going through Jack mengaji. He finished his Kursi, then I said to him, "When I am off for hajj, who will check your recitation?" And he replied just the way that we have planned, "Abang will check and help me with my memorisation (he is doing Al Fil now) and both sya and also abang will check my ngaji."

I smiled.

A minute later, he said his eyes hurt. One look at him, I know he was crying. Oh my dear boy. I pulled him close and he sobbed on my lap. And I naturally cried too. And there we were, hugging each other crying. Lover who was there listening to his Kursi just stood there not knowing what to say or do.

And today before Isyak, Sya cried hard. I know she has been emotionally down and I was sort of expecting it. Alhamdulillah all the boys in the house were out. So we had a mother daughter bonding time crying. Just the two of us.

I ask her to make dua for me. Allah is the one we turn to when we are sad and when we are happy. I am doing this for the sake of Allah. She nods. And have faith in Him. Allah will not forsake you. Be strong sayang. We hugged the hardest and moist each others' telekung.

Haziq is swallowing his responsibility as the eldest at the moment. I can see it in his face. he is drafting how best for him to check everyone's recitation when even he has his to finish. I have whispered to him how emotional Jack might become and both Sya and Jack will be needing him. Be there for them. And the three of you for each other. And NO SLEEPOVERS! You are not allowed to be separated.

The children know we are going. And they are all very excited for us. The last umrah trip was beneficial for them. We often talk about the beneficial of hajj. On why I must go. And all of them agree that it is just the best place to be. They sometimes listen to the hajj shows too. Even though Sya would go, must I watch this? :P And were awed at the amount of people at mudzalifah and jamrah. O Allah make it easy for me. I keep on repeating to them about arafah and the special time Allah gives to His wanting slaves. How Allah will boast about his slaves to the angels.

Today we discussed my schedule and my routes and what I will be doing. Haziq said we sound like we are going camping. With sleeping bags and small tent and lots of walking. He said he feels like going. :D I have printed maps, hajj routes, shared with them the schedule and are asked them to mark where I am and the corresponding dates on the maps. Print out a pictorial one page guide of hajj rites. Just so they have a feel.

Alhamdulillah Allah has made it easy for me. The Faths strongly volunteered to take care of the children. In his own strong words, "Don't send it to anyone else! Send them to us! We want the ajr too!". :P.

Allah sent this help in the midst of me thinking where to put the children back even before we went for umrahs. May Allah shower them abundant of hasanat on their family for their kindness and their generosity. I am tremendously grateful. It is not an easy thing to take care of other people's children in doha for the children go to different school. Mr Fath had to wake up earlier than usual to send them to school. Oh Allah give them goodness in this dunya and akhirah. Pardon their sins and elevate their status.

I am writing a will which will concern the care of the children and some wealth. This is equally e m o t i o n a l. Not the wealth part. The death part and everything else that concern the children.

I am planning also to write a letter to each of them (i am that dramatic)with pesanans. "Ittaqullah! Ittaqullah! ittaqullah my children" and some other pesanans that are applicable to them.

Oh Allah make my heart calm and make our hearts strong.

This is jihad for me.

Selesaikan Kisah Itu

When the season of hajj and umrah comes, the stories of one of the great prophets, Prophet Ibrahim a.s. will be retold. i think one will never get bored listening to the seerah, ever!

I remembered reading the seerah of Prophet Ibrahim a.s. left his wife Hajar and his young child, Prophet Ismail a.s. in the hot deserted desert of Makkah. I remembered reading the part that Hajar begged and begged and asked Prophet Ibrahim a.s. whether he is truly going to leave them there. In a place where are no trace of human. And they have no food with them. And story went on that she pleaded to him and pulled his shirt and cried that he does not go and asked him to reconsider.

As we all know, the story went on that Prophet Ibrahim a.s. left the two of them despite her pleadings. Then of course we know that they run out of food and Prophet Ismael was crying out of hunger, Hajar went running up Safa, went down, and went up Marwah and repeated the cycle seven times, until finally Allah sent an angel which scraped off the earth to allow spring of water, zamzam, to flow.

When I first read this version of the story, I felt uneasy. How can anyone just leave a weak woman and child like this? And of course other stories of Sarah's jealousy and all came in. I was torn in between, believing that all prophets are doing good and the message I understand from this story

Then Allah made me found this hadith,

Hajar asked Ibraheem calmly, "Has Allah commanded you to do this O Ibrahim?" Prophet Ibrahim a.s. said, "yes". And she responded, "Then Allah will not abandon us".
(Part of hadith Sahih Bukhari)

This was an extremely difficult situation: a man left his wife and infant son in a barren land, where there were no water and no people, and went back to the distant land of Palestine. he left nothing with her but a sack of dates and a skin filled with water.

If it were not due to the DEEP FAITH and TRUST in ALLAH that filled Hajar's heart, she would not have been able to cope with the difficult situation. Once she knew it was command from Allah, she had complete faith and obeyed. Can we have faith as strong as this?

Allah was preparing a reason to honour her like the ways she is honoured by million of muslims each year repeating the saei rite in umrah and hajj. Subhanallah. She became the woman who is remembered day and night (the holy city never sleeps) everytime one drinks the zam zam and going through saei, as Hajar did on one of her most tiring/ trying day. (partly quoted from the book Ideal Muslimah)

Really how can one have doubts on Prophet Ibrahim a.s.. One of the greatest Prophets who was given among the greatest tests. And we all know among his tests are his love to Allah and to his family. Prophet Ismael was his first and only son at the time and it was not an easy thing to do. He was tested to leave him at the desert and also later to sacrifice him.

After he left both Hajar and Ismail, he walked on without turning back until he reached Thanoya where they could not see him anymore. he faced the Kaabah and raise his hands, invoked Allah

"O our Lord! I have made some of my off spring to dwell in a valley with no cultivation by Your sacred House in order O our Lord, that they may offer prayers perfectly. Fill some hearts among men with love towards them and provide them with fruits so they may give thanks." Ibrahim 14:37

Which version makes you have more iman to the prophets, the Messengers sent by Allah who goes all the way to obey Allah's commands. Knowing that Allah's test are only for good. And a story to teach you to have tawakkul to Allah?

And which one keeps you wondering on the Prophet's maksum (they are protected from sins and are also reminded of them)?

My opinionlah kan, this part of the hadith must be told each time one narrates the story of Prophet Ibrahim a.s.. Insya Allah we can understand the strength of tawakkul. Understand Prophet Ibrahim's obedience to Allah and the sacrifices he made for His sake. Understand also that Allah does thing with His Wisdom and is preparing for greater goodness and honour.

Oh Allah make it easy for all of us to understand the deen.

The Calling

My lover used to say many years ago, "I want to go to hajj before I am 40". And I used to answer, "Err before you 40 that would make me go before 37 years old. I am too young lah."

But time passed. Things change. Something happen. Skin sagged. Hips widened.

So, it was last year I decided to go to this hajj talk. The talk was meant for the last years' bakal hajj. At that time I have already felt the need to fulfill the fifth pillar.

So the speaker started off by asking the participant the meaning of talbiyah. I didn't know what the talbiyah means actually. I can recite them because it is always repeated on TV. I can recall it from my childhood memories. Anyway I think in the end someone read from the book, but the speaker reiterated it.

Aku menyahut panggilan-Mu ya Allah. Aku menyahut panggilan-Mu ya Allah dan tiada sekutu apapun bagi-Mu. Sesungguhnya puji, nikmat dan kekuasaan hanya bagi-Mu tanpa sekutu apapun bagi-Mu dan juga segala kekuasaan adalah milik Mu. Ya Allah aku menyahut panggilan-Mu. Tiada sekutu bagi Mu.

Here I am responding to You, O Allah, Here I am responding to You. Here I am, You have no partner, here I am responding to you. Verily all praise and blessings are Yours, and all sovereignty, You have no partner.

He got me at "menyahut panggilan Mu." I don't know how to tell you how I felt, but when I heard what it meant, I felt ashamed of my ignorance. I am ashamed that I have ignored God for the most part of my life. I felt small. But on the other hand I felt hope because I know that I can still respond to Him. I cried passionately that day, until someone passed me a tissue. :P. But because of that, I made a resolution that I want to go as soon as I can. Alhamdulillah. All praises goes to Allah for all the bounties that He has bestowed.

I wonder if lover remembers what he said about making hajj by 40. He is after all born in the year 69. Pray for us.

Sya the Bridesmaid

I think, after the bride and groom, Sya must be the one who is most excited about the wedding. Because she and her BFF were the bridesmaid of the day.

We bought the two girls a nice gold dress with black sash and big black flower on the right string. I really love the dress. It feels almost like the year 30s style.

And she get to put make up on, wear those flower thing on the head and basically be the most glamorous girl of the day.



I don't have a better picture of them though. Since most of the good pictures have the bride in it. And look at Sya in the picture. With all the make up, mascara, headdress. Look at the way she sit? Tsk tsk tsk.

Well she enjoyed her day until the time comes to clean off her eye makeup. Hambik ko susuah nak hilang.

Waaahhh Kahwin Lagi!

This is my fourth year in D0ha. And already the third walimah that I am directly involved in. :D.

I don't know whether I should be amazed or gasped at the fact, I am already attending many of my friend's children's wedding. It used to be my friend is getting married or my parents friends' children wedding. Man they all grow so quickly. :P Including this I have attended five of them. May Allah bless their marriage.

So this is the third in this country that I also was the official photographer. :D

What's different about this wedding was, the bride wears the niqab. So it seems pretty logical that the photographer (for the bride) is a woman. Thus i am seeing a niche of this kind of services. I also have to be very sensitive to how I handle the pictures. I cannot ask lover's opinion on any of the pictures that has the bride in it. And I found a new liking on doing montages. It was tough not getting a second opinion. So I had to be self critical. But Alhamdulillah the bride (most important!) love the pictures and the montages.

In case you are wondering, the bride wears just like any normal bride would wear. And since this is a complete man and woman segregated wedding, the bride get to wear a really nice wedding dress and do her hair. Something that a even someone who is not wearing a niqab should not wear in front of her non mahram. (tight, transparent and all that). And the photographer get to wear her kebaya (yayyyy) and got her hijab off too. ;p.

I kinda like doing this segregated man and woman thing for weddings. It's melaram time without worry.

It's difficult for me to talk about taking photos but not display any photos in the entry. So I adjusted some pictures, taking out the bride pics and putting other pictures just so I can show something.

May Allah bless you (your spouse) and bless you and unite both of you in goodness.

Semoga Allah memberkatimu dan keatasmu dan menghimpunkan kamu berdua dalam kebaikan.

So tahun depan ada sesapa nak kahwin atau kahwinkan anak tak? :D

Sujud Sykur is Most Apt

Qtar has increased the number quota of people making hajj to another 6000.

I received the long awaited sms this morning.

Labaikallahumma labaik..

Sessi Baru 2009/10

My classes has started since last week. And now they are coming with vengeance. They are introducing new syllabus on tajweed. Following the Qa1dah N00raniyah method. They retested everyone and put us according to our level of reading. Unlike the previous years, where we were tested on our reading of Juzzu Amma. This time round they make you read a page somewhere in the middle of Quran. That would be pretty fair, I believe. Kalau test on Surah Al Masad kalu, mungkin more than half bunyi macam bagus. :D

Now they put more emphasis on one to one 20 minute recitation. Kecut perut - yes. But I think we are all in need of this.

Alhamdulillah my kha is not so much of a problem now. Perhaps a bit of problem when I read it with a kasrah (baris bawah) but most of the time, it was ok based on teacher tak tegur. But on the other hand, my rho is a problem. be it fathah (baris atas), kasrah and dommah (baris depan). Haru betul. Dahlah we are to recite surah AdDzariyat. Where the first four verses ends with a rho.

Not to mention other letters. Particularly the one with sukun (tanda mati) which I tend to make a minor qalqalah with it. It's ok, Insya Allah can be improved.

When the arabic class starts, I think I have forgotten nearly half of the past lessons. And since I am getting the same teacher, she keeps on targeting me to answer. My trick is to answer quickly if I know the answers. So she would look at others for questions that I am quiet on. But today again she always ask me to start first. Stress betul!!

The tafseer class has also started. And so is the general lecture (still using Ideal muslimah book). Also my teacher will add another book on aqidah. General on aqeedah. Not following any book of scholars ke apa. Good for a start eh? So if you are a woman who live in Qtar, I welcome you to join me for this Thursday class. Insya Allah you will enjoy it.

They have increased the hours of classes now. And the only day I am free are Tuesday and occasional Fridays. In case ada orang nak jemput morning coffee. Hahhahah. But usually I would stay at home and hibernate (try to clean the house). I dread even to go groceries.

Alhamdulillah for another busy year.

Masih Ada Harapan

Well they say there might still be hope for more people to go for hajj.

First of all the government is applying to increase the number of quotas.

And then there is also the possibility of the ones accepted unable to go. Qadr Allah.

And other divine intervention.

The one glitch is, they made new rules that expats cannot take the plane but instead only by road i.e. bus. I picked the plane as my first two choices and the bus as my third choice. (We have to fill up form and state our preference). I guess a rebel will continue to be one. Now I am a hopeful rebel.

But, this country is also notorious for changing rules whenever they like. So so so, I try lah.

They also said be ready with possibilities. Time is nearing. It is less than a month for people to depart to the Haram. In such that if they call you, you should be jumping and ready with all the documents on the spot.

So we did the obligatory immunisation; meningitis and influenza. Get the no-objection-letter from lover's employer. Err I have not added more abayas though. I'll probably do it tonight. And still going through the books and the notes and uhuk uhuk keeping fit.

Just in case, if Allah wills.

Praying.

The List is Out

1,200 expatriates selected for Haj
Web posted at: 10/14/2009 3:32:49
Source ::: The Peninsula

DOHA: The Haj Committee has selected 1,200 expatriates, from a total of 5,100 applicants to perform Haj this year.

The selection follows the online registration for expatriates Haj pilgrims introduced by the Committee recently for the first time in Qtar. All the winning candidates were informed through SMS yesterday and they have been asked to complete the other formalities in a week, Haj Committee sources said yesterday.

Qtar has a total quota of 1,500 expatriate Haj pilgrims this year, besides the nearly 4,000 Qtari pilgrims. However, efforts are on to get the quota raised, considering the high number of applicants.

The committee also announced the quota of pilgrims allotted for each Muqawil (Haj contractors) in the C-Category. This category is dedicated for expatriates travelling by road. The selected pilgrims have been asked to contact their respective Muqawils and complete the necessary formalities for the pilgrimage with out any delay. Those who fail to meet the deadline would miss the opportunity to perform the pilgrimage this year.

Meanwhile, the committee has said that all the pilgrims will be vaccinated against seasonal flu and Hepatitis as in the previous years. The vaccines will be administered before their departure to Saudi Arabia.

A senior official of the Medical Committee functioning under the Haj Committee, in a statement issued yesterday, has also clarified that the seasonal flu vaccine given this year is similar to the one administered in the previous years. “Many people were given this vaccine in the previous years and no side effects were reported,” said Dr Faleh Mohammed Hussain, Assistant Minister for Policies at the Supreme Council of Health and head of the Medical Committee. He said the H1N1 vaccine would be given to the pilgrims as and when the vaccine arrives in Qtar.

The Saudi government has made the vaccination mandatory for the pilgrims provided the vaccine is made available before the pilgrimage. If the vaccine is not ready by that time, people will be allowed to perform the pilgrimage on condition that they get vaccinated against seasonal flu, said Faleh.

And I am not in the list. :(

Pantang-pantang and myths

Do you usually adhere to pantang orang tua? Like during the confinement pantang for example? Do you or can you believe to the smearing of your face comot during confinement? Or putting bawang putih in your ears?

Or what about these?

Jangan tunjuk kat pelangi (or is the crescent) nanti jari kudung?
Jangan duduk atas bantal, nanti bisul.
Jangan bukak payung dalam rumah, nanti ular masuk
Jangan tiup api lilin/ pelita..nanti nanti apa ah? tak ingat
jangan sharpen pensil dua-dua belah, nanti rumah terbakar (ni pantang orang tua ke budak-budak?)
Jangan meniarap angkat kaki, nanti mak mati.
Masa bini mengandung, suami jangan memburu, nanti anak cacat/ sumbing.
Jangan menyapu malam-malam, nanti rezeki pendek.
Jangan makan tangan kirilah! Tak baik!
Kalau dah laung azan nak pergi buat haji, jangan pandang belakang, nanti tak dapat sampai. (oh man)
Kalau lepas beranak jangan minum air banyak nanti peranakan berair.
Jangan main nyorok-nyorok waktu malam, nanti kena sorok hatu kopek.
Anak dara jangan nyanyi kat dapur, nanti kahwin orang tua (preferbally filthy stinking rich)
Hah anak dah gigit kaki tu, nak dapat adiklah tak lama lagi tuuuu

Do you adhere to most of them? Or you would chose only the logical ones?

I, for one, always argue with my parents (my dad especially), about some pantangs that just seem unbelievable. I think like for the many of us, we are using our sensible brain and thus become anal when caution with pantang orang tua.

So I am just thinking, thinking and thinking, that perhaps we are at the risk of treating the sunnah Rasulullah s.a.w. the same way we are treating pantang orang tua.

For example
Jangan makan tangan kiri! tak baik!
Jangan biar budak keluar maghrib. Banyak hantu!
Jangan meniarap (beserta angkat kaki) nanti mak mati

are part of Rasulullah sa.w. sunnah.

Try listen to this for example. Evident no 1 : Makan tangan kiri.

Salim, on the authority of his father, reported Allah’s messenger S.a.w. as saying : “None of you should eat with his left hand and drink with that (left hand) for the Shaytan eats with his left hand and drinks with that hand.” Muslim 5010

Evident no 2: Hantu masa maghrib

The Book of Drinks (Kitab Al-Ashriba)
Muslim :: Book 23 : Hadith 4998

Jabir reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Do not let your animals and children go out when the sun sets until the first and the darkest part of the night is over, for the Satan is let loose with the sinking of the sun until the darkest part of the night is over.

Evident No 3 : meniarap

Ibn Tikhfa al-Ghifari reported that his father told him that he had been one of the People of the Bench. He told him, “I was sleeping in the mosque during the last part of the night, lying on my stomach. Someone came to me and moved me with his foot, saying, ‘Get up. This is a manner of lying down which Allah hates.’ I raised my head and the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was standing by my head.”

This hadith describes that Allah does not like us sleeping with our stomach down. So we must try our best to avoid sleeping in the position.

As the reason why it is disliked, AbuDharr said it in a different narration

“The Prophet saw passed by me while I was lying down on my stomach. He saw then struck me with his foot and said,
“O Junaidab, this is nothing other than they lying-down position of the dwellers of Hell fire”

So so so, I am thinking now I want to make a new approach. To make teguran to my children concerning the sunnah by actually mentioning to them that it is a sunnah.

Ya bunaya, I would say. Do you know that Rasulullah wants us to eat with our right hand.
Why, they might ask.
Because you know who eats with the left hand? It's shaytan. Now we don't want to copy what our enemy does, do we?
Euuuww, so not!

Our children have probably memorised the six pillars of faith since they enter school. I think casual mentioning of the sunnah like this is among the time we can reassert they knowledge of believing in their prophet with something practical. Introducing how to believe and love Rasulullah s.a.w. How to abide to the command of Allah. That loving and adhering to Allah and His Messenger's s.a.w. command should become our way of life.

Perhaps by clearly saying which one is the act of sunnah, we will not be eagerly disputing the sunnah like what we do for the pantang, Insya Allah. We listen and obey. Asami'na wa ata'na.

Perhaps also, we will come to understand which one is the real one and which one is fabricated. So one doesn't get attracted to the fabricated ones instead, Insya Allah.

Perhaps by mentioning Raulullah s.a.w often we can instill our love to him. Our prophet wo brings us light and help us show the true path.

I remembered that there are certain time in my life, I did dispute eating with right hand. I think I look stupid eating with right hand when I eat steak. But Alhamdulillah upon knowing that it is a prophetic's command, I don't dispute anymore.

Now tell me which one bears more weight. Knowing it is a prophetic command or it is just another pantang orang tua.

I have so much to learn.

Macam Tak Sangka

I was watching my children play together, and fight, and laughed, and teased and jeered each other, and disturb, and argue and make noise plan naughty things and other things that siblings do.

And I realised that I don't have a sibling to at least criticise just for the sake of it.

Macam tak sangka yang I have no sibling. That my one and only brother is not here anymore.

May Allah have mercy on him. May He forgives him and elevate his status. May we all be united in Jannah.

Bunga Cauli

This is actually an old post. But yesterday I was cutting up cauliflower. And also I found my old friends (in this post) in the fb. Found my ex housemates back in the UK, also thanks to FB. So I am sort of reminiscing my old entah apa-apaness.

Aku teringat pulak lebih 10 tahun dulu masa aku mula-mula sampai UK. Sesungguhnya aku memang tak tau masak langsung. Hancus! Tak tau masak dan tersangatlah kekoknya pergi dapur.

The first few weeks aku sampai UK tu, aku dan dua lagi member aku (jantan teruna), pergilah rumah a few postgrads. Aku tak ingat pun apa pasal kita orang beround sakan pergi rumah-rumah pakcik PhD tu. Cari rumah aku rasa.

So ada satu time tu kita sampai rumah pakcik PhD tu nak dekat time lumch. Ko taulah kita orang ni kan bujang. Pakcik PhD tu ada family. Rumah pun rupa rumah family. Ada bini, ada anak. Makan pun jenis berhidang. Kiranya macam perfect family setup gitulah. So naturally orang melayu mesti ajak kita makan punya. Memandangkan lagi kami yang baru sampai ni rupa macam orang makan fish and chips dengan kebab aje hari-hari, mereka pun ajaklah kami makan tengahari.

So OK we stayed on untuk makan lauk free. Dok sambunglah sembang dengan pakcik PhD. Aku tak sembang pun, member jantan aku tu aje yang sembang. Pakcik PhD rasa tak sesuai berborak dengan orang pompuan aku rasa. Bini dia entah pergi mana agaknya.

Sekali pakcik tu bangun sekejap. pergi kencing kot. member jantan aku cakap kat aku.

"Woi! Ko tak pi tolong bini dia kat dapur ke? Bini dia tengah masaklah"

"Oh! Aku kena pi tolong eh? Bukan aku guest ke? Aku nak tolong apa pun aku tak tau. Aku tak geti masaklah"

"Pergi ajele! Tanya dia apa nak buat."

Itulah yang aku ingat. Sesungguhnya masa tu aku tak tau yang walaupun aku guest, sebak-baiknya aku tolong jugaklah dia kat dapur. Particularly dia baru aje start nak masak. Ayoo kalau aku ingat balik memang haru aku waktu tu. *sungguh malu*

Anyway I went to the kitchen. Muka makcik tu macam lega aje tengok aku masuk dapur. So aku tanya dia apa aku boleh buat. She quickly handed me the cauliflowers to cut.

CAULIFLOWERS??!!!! Ayooo aku tak pernah potong itu sayur seumur hidup aku. Mak aku tak pernah masak sayur ni. Ni sayur omputih ni. AKu budak kampung yang duduk bandar Muar. And Cauliflower is not like sawi or bayam or petola or or or. Macamana nak potong sayur ni? Aggghhhh.

Tapi aku potong ajele. Sebab makcik tu dah potong sikit, aku trylah follow sample dia. Tapi cauliflower tu asyik hancur aje. (sebabnya aku potong kecik sangat. Now I can tell you)

So hari tu semua orang makan cauliflower hancur. Aku sengih ajele.

Lollies' New Toy

Because lover refused to indulge me into a macro lens, I had to seduce him in getting me another toy. Way way way cheaper. And because it is five times cheaper than the said lens, plus the benefit of CHILDREN's education, he agreed.

So we got ourselves (notice I used the pronoun we. I am that generous) a pen set for the computer of sort. A Bamb00 from Wac0m. What is it for? It's for drawing. Drawing? Why can't you draw on a paper like everyone else? Because I can't draw. Using mouse on paint is still good right? Yeah, but I can't draw. And you can draw on this? I sure do. And why would you be using it for then? Why..to draw of course. And more other uses that they claim I can do but I don't know how to do it yet. You know lots and lots of things.

I have mastered it enough to allow the kids use it. And here is Sya drawing spider web in front of a cave for our last session on Jabal Thawr.




I told you it's for the children's education.

And here is my attempt for our Quran worksheet front cover.

I made enough drawing such that lover is convinced that his investment has yield its return.

Return? I am not even getting anything out if this.

Neither does he actually.

But he got luuurrrvvveeee. Yielding return jugak tu kan?

After 37 Years

This time round it began to dawn on me on the importance of going for the Eid prayers. *Ashamed of myself*. It is so important that some scholars even made a fatwa that it is Fard Ain. I shall not discuss this, but the essence here is it is important for everyone to go.

I use to think that ahh it is just sunat. Because you see, the way I define what sunat was, it's ok if you don't do it. The sahabahs, instead, will ask did the Prophet s.a.w. do it or not. If he s.a.w. did it, so will they. (Do you feel differently if I say sunnah instead of sunat? :D) Of courselah I cannot be anywhere near the sahabah and sahabiyats. But I can try as much as I can.

And I use to think, only the men should go, the women stay behind (and prepare the food and pakai baju cantik and siapkan anak). Whereas in a sahih hadith from Bukhari, the women were ordered to go out even though they are in their menstruation. Of course care should be taken not to glamourise oneself with makeup and perfume and baju blink blink. :P

The Two Festivals (Eids)
Bukhari :: Book 2 :: Volume 15 :: Hadith 97

Narrated Um-’Atiya:

We were ordered to go out (for ‘Id) and also to take along with us the menstruating women, mature girls and virgins staying in seclusion. (Ibn ‘Aun said, “Or mature virgins staying in seclusion).” The menstruating women could present themselves at the religious gathering and invocation of Muslims but should keep away from their Musalla.

So for the first time in my 37 years of life, I went for Eid prayer. Hmm that makes me and my 8 year old Sya and my 5 year old Jack the same. We have deflowered Eid Fitr prayer. :P

I went to the one organised by F@nar Islamic Centre here. As the sunnah, they perform Eid prayer in the open. Err the women's one is enclosed in a makeshift wall though. And we did it after syruk which was sometime at 5:40 in the morning. Subhanallah it was wonderful. The sun were sleepily rising. And the cool breeze was blowing. My shayla was gently ruffled. And I love everything about it even though my forehead and tumit (what is tumit in english ah?) were hurt because I can feel the sharp stones underneath the sajadah.

It is too bad that the emb@ssy here have their prayer at 8:30 in the morning. At 8:30 in the D0ha morning is as hot as noon. So I passed.

And also for the first time I listen to a live khutbah.

I have all the right to be jakun I think.

Malam Raya 2009

JackJack accidentally knocked his head on my nose. Right smack on my batang hidung!

It hurt so bad. So bad that I felt that I am losing my mind and that all function of the nose. It's like having the effect of brain freeze except this is snappier.

It hurt so bad that I immediately cry and ran to the toilet because I felt so much like smacking him. I cried and cried in the toilet profusely. I locked myself in and refuse to answer my lover when he called.

And then there was blood! My nose is bloody bleeding! But because I was crying so much the blood diluted and trickled down.

After twenty minutes or so, I still can't feel my nose. Is it still there I wonder. I reached out, yes it is still there. I wonder if it has become penyet causing more damage to the already penyeked nose.

But I was still crying because of pain and also uncontrollable anger.

I went out anyway because the toilet was not very comfortable to sit for long. Now I am feeling a mix of blood and saliva trickling down my throat.

Lover went out for Isya'.

JackJack and Sya were standing there. I can see them at the corner of my eyes. Finally I turned to them and signaled for Jack to come over. He handed me a big card with two pictures of a lady wearing hijab. One says "before" and the other, "after". The before lady was looking sad and the after one, smiling.

Jack said sorry Ibu. And I hugged him, I am sorry too. And we cried together, hugging each other. Then i signalled Sya to come over since she was crying by herself. And I know she was the one who initiated the card anyway. And there the three of us were crying.

A patah hidung can do this to you.

Anyway Jack wrote this in the card (Sya wrote it)
Oh Allah, heal my mother on her lips on her eye and on her nose and on her forehead.

and from Sya
Oh Allah, make my mother a very strong Muslimah from the ummah.

Ameen Ya Rabbal Alamin

And from me,

Oh Allah make my children the comfort of my eyes and them the leaders of the muttaqun. Bestow on me patience in dealing with them.

Then lover came back with Haziq from the masjid announcing that it would be Eid tomorrow.

Itulah dia drama pada malam raya tahun 2009.

Eid Mubarak my friends. May Allah accept our deeds.

Pesanan Untuk Layth

Pesanan tidak berbayar ini di tujukan untuk Layth dan mereka yang seangkatan dengannya. Pesanan ini ditaja oleh Ahmad Zachary.

Senario : Perbualan yang penuh kasih sayang antara Zachary dan ibunya

Zachary : Ibu, where does a baby pee?
Ibu : They pee in their diapers.
Zachary : They pee in their diapers? All the time?
Ibu : Yeah almost all the time.
Zachary : Then where do they poo?
Ibu : In their diapers also.
Zachary : In their diapers too?
Ibu : Yes.
Zachary : They pee and poo in their diapers??? Eeeeewwww Yuuuuccckkkksss!!

Eleh! Podahlah! Dulu nak potty train pun satu hal. Lagi yucks konon.

Perbualan di akhiri dengan usikan yang sesungguhnya Zachary juga pernah poo dan pee di dalam diapersnya satu ketika dulu. Usikan ini disusuli dengan geletek-geletek manja berserta ugutan untuk memakaikan diapers padanya sekiranya beliau nakal. :D

Obey Your Husband

I enjoy it when my lover follow me shopping. This is because I would otherwise have to lug in all the plastic bags by myself. If you know the condition of my current house now, you would understand why I grit my teeth to stop myself from cursing.

With him, he would carefully select the plastic bags. Taking the lighter bags and passing it to me, while he himself would carry all the heavier and bigger bags into the house.

So I asked him, "Why do you give me all the lighter bags while you carry the heavier ones?"

"It is because I want to make it easy for you."

Hmmm, then I said to him, "But then why don't you carry them all?"

Sungguh over.

Feminist Tau!

Before we went for umrah (eh tak habis lagi ke kisah umrah ni?), my children and I brainstormed the dua's that we want to make. The list of dua's were particularly helpful to help us focus on what we want most especially during tawaf. Alhamdulillah.

By the way, if you can read Aliya. she has an entry of making a list of dua's. You can divide your needs according to types and what nots. It is especially helpful this coming last blessed nights of Ramadhan.

Anyway, Haziq, during our brainstorming, came up with the idea that he want to ask to be a syahid. Masya Allah. May Allah fulfill his dua'.







And May Allah grant his mother peace and contentment.

Anyway, upon hearing this, Sya said she also wants to be a syahid(ah). To which Haziq answered, eh syahid for boys onlylah Mana ada girls jadi syahid.

It's one thing to say a wrong fact like this but it is another thing to say it in front of his mother!

Now let me story about one of the greatest Muslimah, Sumayyah.

Sumayyah is the mother of 'Ammar bin Yassir.

When the mid-day heat was at its most intense, and the desert sands were boiling, Banu Makhzoom would drag her and her son and her husband out to an exposed area, where they would pour burning sand over them, place heated shields on them, and throw heavy rocks at them.

Sumayyah remained steadfast and patient, and refused to say what the mushrikeens wanted to hear. The despicable Abu Jahl stabbed her with a spear, killing her, and thus she had the honour of being recorded as the first martyr in Islam. The first syahid(ah)

So so so the first martyr is a woman my dear son.

I told this story to Sya and Haziq. And both were wide eyed listening to it. And I also told them, in the history of Islam there were many women who endured even worse torture for the sake of Islam. May Allah place them in the highest of jannah.

There is a clip here. An excerpt from an old film, "The Messenger". The woman tortured is Sumayyah, while the man being tied up to the pole is Ammar bin Yassir, her son. The man in black who comes at the end of the clip is supposedly Hamzah bin Abdul Mutalib, Prophet Muhammad s.a.w uncle.



It is the last ten days of Ramadhan. Let's sprint now, Insya Allah.

Alahai Sayang Ibu

I knew it! Jackjack has been showing his not so happiness about going to school when the break almost end. One week before school starts, he was saying, I wish I am sick. And why is that? So I don't have to go to school. Oh Allah make him a healthy boy.

And yes as expected he would make sad faces. Eh no! He didn't make them. He was (and still is) genuinely sad.

Yesterday upon waking up in the morning for school, he claimed he has tummy ache. I was very agitated actually. Don't imagine me being like the sweet caring mother who would hug her young ones and rub his tummy and all. I was quite angry. He was probably feeling groggy yes, but I doubt that it will affect his schooling time.

Nevertheless, the outcome was still the same. He didn't go to school. And because I suspected he was not really sick, I did not allow any computer nor TV while he was at home. Which he adhered. But he was stuck on me like glue. And was trying to please me most of the time. He even prayed for I don't know how many rakaats reciting the fatehah and the 3 quls ever so loudly. Masya Allah!

Today he went to school. But the minute I parked the car. And he had to jump about in the car and managed to hurt himself in the knees. He still has to go to school, I said. And he was teary eyed the whole morning. I had to stay with him until the bell rang. And more teary eyes.

Alahai sayang ibu sorang ni.

Not Too Bad

When the kids' school started, I have anticipated the series of bracing the strong heat sending them and picking up from school. Ramadhan this time round is at the final quarter of summer. And if you have been following my complaints you would know that summer here is no joke.

So I have been keeping a mental self assurance that patience will be rewarded. PANAS! Patience will be rewarded. PANAS! Patience will be rewarded. PANAS! Patience will be rewarded. PANAS! Patience will be rewarded. PANAS! Patience will be rewarded. PANAS! Patience will be rewarded.

And the sisters also have been forwarding emails about the virtues of fasting during the hot days. If you like to read it click HERE. It is motivating indeed especially for those who will need to brace the heat yang panas! Patience will be rewarded.

I remember a story that I have been trying to think of the actual situation of the event for weeks but still could not grab hold of it. Camni cerita dia. A man was asked, I think he should be in heaven or something. Would you like to live in the world again. He said if to live again only so that he can fast in the long summer days and pray in the long winter nights. Agghh. please help me remember this story.

Anyway. So I was mentally prepared for the heat. Splat sunblock. Selet deodorant. Man it is humid now! Payung dah siap. Patience will be rewarded.

And then I went out and it was not too bad. The highest it reached was 45C so far. Most of the time 42C.

So that was not too bad. Not too bad at all.

Budak Kecik yang Dah Besar

Today is the first day of school for all my children. After a looooooonnngg summer break.

And today Haziq is officially in the secondary school. What? Sekolah menengah??? Dah besar dah tu!! Tapi suara tak pecah lagi pun?

Haziq is only 11. He should be in Standard 5 now in Malaysia but the different age in the school system here makes him in Year 7 now, equivalent to Form 1.

And there he was in his oversized secodary school shirt. The shirt, the smallest size they have, an XS actually is still big on him. If he tucks in his shirt, he would look like he has a big bottom.

I sent him to his building this morning. His friends were all there to greet him. They eagerly told him which class he would be in. And I can see they were all too eager to jump on him already. So I said, I think you'd do fine. Yeah I would, Insya Allah.

He hold out his hand and I took it and he kissed my hand. And I naturally kiss his forehead. And told him to be good. And reminded him where he should wait for me later.

.
.
.
.
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Wehei, he still allow me to kiss him in publiclah. In fact those hand kissing and forehead kissing were right smack in front of all his friends and strangers too.

I like.

I walked a few steps and turned back. he was at a corner with his friends already. A few seconds later he turned and saw me and waved.

He is the budak kecik yang dah besar.

And now let us go back to JackJack's class because I think he looks like he was going to cry.

O' Allah make my children the comfort of my eyes and make them leaders of the Muttaqun

Mari Baca Quran

Two days into fasting now. Alhamdulillah. I have lost 200g. Lover lost 3 kilos.

Anyway, I was told of this tip to help us live the Quran during Ramadhan. This is the aim to finish the Quran in one month. So if you want to finish twice or three times or like the some of the tabi'e, they finish the Quran every three days. At the last ten days of Ramadhan, they completed the Quran every night. Masya Allah! Eh digress pulak, if you want to finish the Quran more than once in Ramdhan, do your maths and double triple quadraple millionaple your efforts.

The tip is to try and read the quran two pages before prayer and two pages after for every fard prayer and everyday in ramadhan. Minimal that is.

But I think you know this already lah. But I am just over excited hearing the tip.

It is unfortunate though that we do not really understand what we read. Insya Allah we can refer to the tafseer.

But but but nak sharelah sikit
I know we do not understand the language, but I think most of us know some simple words like jannah, An Nar, Jahannam, mu'minin, the name of rasul, Allah's Glorified names and many more. So perhaps we can live the qur'an by reflecting on some of the familiar words.

Like when we come across the word Jannah, we can reflect and imagine what Jannah is nd make dua' that we will enter Jannah. Make dua that Allah will always shower us hidayah thus giving us easier path to enter Jannah. Du'a that we are steadfast.

And when we come across the word Jahannam or the word Azab, we can make dua that we are not sent into it or be tortured with Allah's promised torture for those who disobeyed.

The word muttaqoon (those who have taqwa), we can make dua that we are included as one of them.

The word wail like in the surah AlHumazah, the first verse. Wail means woe or dalam bahasa melayu means celaka! Meaning Allah is cursing someone. Like in Surah Al Humazah, 104:1, Woe to every slanderer and backbiter. When we find this word, perhaps we can make dua that we are not among those Allah curses. Naudzubillah.

Make sujood when we come across the verse of sajadah. Have ihsan that Allah is watching you when you worship Him.

When we found verses that glorifies Allah, we can stop and make takbeer. Reflect on verses that has Allah's names. Like Al Alim, al Baseer, As Samiee.

Insya Allah we can slowly make ourselves to live in the quran by constantly trying to reflect on Allah's word.

Imagine that Allah is speaking to us when we recite.

Perhaps we can progress ourselves by noting down the word we like or a verse we found most profound to us so we can savour the Quran.

Anyway for those whom i managed to pass the booklet of Ramadhan, you can find these in the book page 32-33. :)Eh macam kelaslah pulak.

These are for my ears first actually.



An attempt at fooling the kids thinking they are eating something grand. Himalayan basmati rice fried in garlic and chiily and diced slected chiicken wrapped in moist omellete.

It is Confirmed

Alhamdulillah I am back to my damp-smelling mansion. Sya's room bocor again and more plaster ceilings came down right on Sya's bed. If she actually sleeps there, it would smack her face.

It's raining plaster ceiling!

Well it is confirmed that I put on 4 kilos in the three weeks I went back to the glorious food land of Malizia. *Roll eyes*

Ramadhan is here. Alhamdulillah. Praise to Allah that He has lengthen our life that we can embrace another month of Ramadhan. Forgive me for all my shortcomings. Let's try our better best to reap the benefits of Ramadhan.

Boleh hilang ke 4 kilo to cik kiah oi!

What to do? : Summer Project

Alhamdulillah we managed to make one decent looking lapbook for our summer project before I go home.

Initially I was not so sure when we are going back. As a matter of fact, I thought we were not. Qadr Allah. So we will be going back TODAY y'all.

Anywaaayy, we did a lapbook on one of the sahabahs today, Sayidinna Abu Bakr AsSiddiq.

I must say, to date, this is the most challenging lapbook that we did. We have done only three so far. Hahahaha. Macamlah banyak sangat.

Challenging because first of all I had to read ALOT. Ok reading a lot is not the most challenging part. The challenging part was, to dilute the overloaded of information so that it is usable for the children. There are just so much to tell, I feel like giving them all.

I am not an experienced teacher as you may know.And my personality is, I want to give lots. Cewah. Actually sometimes when I tell a story I become too passionate. Itu maksudnya by loving to give lots. Tak caya bacalah entry entry saya.

Thus, as a solution to this, I forced them to read as well.



Gosh, we are messy. And hmm Haziq is always wearing that pink baju melayu each time I put his picture here.

So so so the cover page was partly done by Jack. He did the blue sky and he wrote the Abu Bakr and the menggerutu As Siddiq. Berkerut dahi melihat tulisan bergerutu. :P




Who can guess what the two yellow humps are?

Anyway the the two yellow spiky humps are cut from paper folders. I am now a collector of paper bags and folders whenever I can get them free.

And lapbook projects like these test my craftiness to the limit. Sebabnya I am not crafty to start with. To be able to make a chain man like in the previous entry is a big achievement already. Hoyeh! Hoyeh!

So my perasan crafty moments are making Abu Bakr's r.a. working files and making a mean looking sword.



And also my perasan good lighting moment.



But the gist of it all, I pray that my little effort is a gateway for them to want to learn more about the history of Islam. To love the prophets. To love the sahabahs. To derive lessons from it and to emulate their virtues. To gain strength from their characters. And most importantly to fear Allah and to rely only on Him.

For details of the lapbook, you can visit my other lollies HERE.

And I seriously recommend you this lecture by Sheikh Anw@r Awl@ki

Abu Bakr AsSiddiq r.a. His Life and Times

And I should be finishing my packing now. :D

Who is he?

Guess who this man is?

When Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. told his people of his miraculous journey traveling from Makkah to Jurusalem and then was raised up to the heaven in just one night, the mushrikeens were actually very happy. They were happy for finally they have the proof that Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, is really a mad man.

In just one night to Jurusalem? Whereas even professional caravan operators (those days) would take two weeks one way. And Muhammad saw was talking about a fantasy animal which also took him up to the sky?

At last the Mushrikeens could tell everyone how mad Muhammad (s.a.w) is especially to the Muslims.

And when they told this man, expecting him to flinch and agree with them, the man said, "If indeed Muhammad (s.a.w.) did say it, then it is the truth!"

The mushrikeens were disheartened for nothing can dent the strong believe of this man (and also the believers). For his unwavering belief and his faith, Prophet Muhammad saw gave him a nickname which even after more than 1400 years are known best for.

Who is he?

The Prophet Muhammad himself once said,

"If I were to take a Khalil , I would have taken ___________, but he is my brother and my companion (in Islam)" (Hadith compiled by Bukhari, narrated by Ibn Abbas)

Who is he?

After the death of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, this man who is the closest friend to the Prophet s.a.w. was the one who calmed everyone down by his famous saying,

"Whoever worships Muhammad saw, let him know that he is dead, but whoever worships Allah, let him know that Allah is alive forever."

Who is he?

And just for the sake of more clues (and putting pictures is always good),



Who is he?

What to do : Fat Reducing Activity

I will be going home for the summer break on this 30th July Insya Allah. As much as I love to go home and indulge on the food food food, I also dread knowing that I will definitely put on at least 3 kilos each time.

This is no more a premonition but it is derived from historical trend of two time coming home for the summer. I leave Qtar with jeans fitting nicely, only to leave Malaysia with jeans that I could hardly breathe in. (Hmm why do I use jeans as an example even though I rarely wear one?)

3 kilos up you. Let's say it will go down after sometime I am here but it never did go down to less than the 3 kilos that I started with. In fact sometime at the end of the year (which is June to me), I would have added myself at least 1 kilo from the stagnant sit on my butt all day long activity I am doing (tapi buat homework tau bukan FB :p).

And then come July I go home, add 3 kilos more to it. And these numbers are minimal!

If I really sit down, I think i can come up with a janjang aritmetik equation for the incremental of weight with variables of the location of whereabouts am I.

I should force myself to put a slot of fat reducing activity in my what to do this summer list.

I really should. Like really really. Like seriously really. Like no smiling on the face seriously really.

But first let me try to figure out whether it should be janjang aritmetik or geometri.

Violent Song

Zachary complained to me that Sya is singing to him a very violent song. Song about babies being put one a tree and the tree come down and the baby fell down dead.

I don't like that song, he said.

Rock a bye baby, on the tree top
When the wind blows the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
Down will come baby, cradle and all.

Mari Kenali Nama Kedai Dalam Bahasa Arab

Cubalah teka nama-nama kedai di bawah ini. Siapa yang pertama dapat menamakan kesemua kedai-kedai tersebut dengan tepat akan mendapat hadiah dari saya, Insya Allah.

Peraduan ini however tidak terbuka kepada mereka yang bermaustatin di tanah arab kerana sebab-sebab yang sangat mistirius dan tidak tersebut di sini. Sekian terimakasih. :D